@All,i have written such a long post so that you may get the clear picture of my problem,kindly take your time,read and advise.No jokers since this is a real life scenario.



am in deep trouble I really need sincere help. First am a xtian but you are free to contribute your ideas from real life experience.



Am a single lady aged 31yrs and I have never been in a serious r/ship ever since I was born. Early this year a guy whom I have known for more than 3yrs asked for my hand in marriage and I thought that my time has come to cross over to the new world of married people



It did not take long before our problems started .3months ago I went to visit my parents at the rural home & this guy could not give me peace since he really wanted me to come back. So I traveled overnight and arrived very early in the morning and my B/F was there to pick me up. But I was amazed when I realized that I was more sober than my B/F who was very tired and sleepy. So I asked him whether he was sick but the answer was no,he didn’t get enough sleep since he was in his Ex house watching football till midnight.



Something was not adding up. This guy was always very frank and did not hide anything from me but still going to ex house raised a red flag. Since I loved him I gave him an element of doubt. He could also get wired calls once a while from other ladies whom he claims are his church members and were pushing him for marriage. I then told him that he is a mature man who can make concrete decisions. He has freedom of choice being a free man in a free nation,I will not push him but he need to choose whom he loves and would like to spend the rest of his life with. At that point,he declared that am a woman of his choice and he was very much serous about our r/ship and almost went on his knees begging me to change my evil thoughts. Trust is all I admired in this guy. At the point I was saying yes to his proposal 8months ago,he was jobless but all I could see in him is trust which by this time was already being betrayed. Since I always know that there’s no perfect man in the world,I tried to compromise my fears and decided to push on since I knew that if at all he is playing dirty games with me it will come to light. It only took exactly 1week.At a round 8pm on a Thursday,I went to his house only to find him enjoying super at his ex – g/f. I did not utter a word though he really panicked but as usual when am angry I don’t talk or react coz you might not like what I say or do due to anger so I really try to control myself .But I could not understand why this guy could not make up his mind yet I had set him free. I prayed to God to show me direction and give me wisdom if at all I was over reacting. Our faithful God reconfirmed again in the very week,after 3 days,that was on Sunday. He called me to go to his house after church but since I had visitors I turned it down and explained to him. But he was very persistent. Honestly I could not leave visitors in the house after all they were helping me to beat the stress even though they did not know. I escorted the last visitor at ¼ to nine when my B/F had now given up on me,I thought crossed my mind just to pass by and hear what he had to tell me. Maybe he wanted top apologize. Guess what,when I knocked & the door was opened,the ex was right in the house. So at this time I had to talk. I could no more suffer in silence. I asked him now to be open and tell us whom he wants to marry. I told him that hide and sick games has to come to an end since we are all mature. At that point,he told us that he will marry next year but another lady from eastern.

So I walked out and after 3days I decided to return his engament ring since he did not bother to follow up on anything .I was mad,I felt betrayed and honestly I was hurting so bad. He wanted to refuse to take his ring back but he had no choice. He then called me,asking me to think whether the step I had taken was right but I told him we will talk. It only took 1 ½ weeks when I learned that he had given the ring to another lady,the one from eastern who used to make wired calls. When he told me that,I just told him that it’s the truth that he did not love me in the first place is what has been revealed. I felt bad. I cried and wondered why someone should waste your time like that while he does not love you. That was more than double dealing and I called it over. He told me that he took than step in anger since I had returned his ring while all his hope was on me,but to me that was like adding salt to the injury. This guy could not see his mistake and still intended to leave me hanging telling me that now we have a 50/50 chance with that other lady. WHY? If it’s over it’s over!



Now the worst part of my problem came when he came to my house in the name of I don’t know what and forces me to have sex with him. I say that coz I had been turned off by his action and had no more feelings for him. He begged me not to disappoint him,on his knees. Removed all his clothes and there was a naked man before me who was once my B/F,do you know what I gave in even though I did not enjoy the game and to cut the long story short,he impregnated me. God is my witness,you can choose to believe me or not but it’s the truth.



When I told him of what has happened,he was shocked but told me that he wants us to do a wedding next year. He pleaded with me to abort for the sake of his integrity .He is not ready to suffer shame since in their church when such a thing happen you have to be announced openly before the congregation and if you were holding any post you are to be suspended for like 6months.Thats what he is not ready for since he is telling me that his vision is to be a pastor some day. Personally,I would hate to abort and since from the time we kosanad with him this is the first time he is coming out in the open promising me heaven that he is going to marry me and wants us to wed next year. I am not planning to force him to marry me & I had told him this before. I gave him freedom to marry the lady she loves deep from his heart and not from his mouth and my stand has not changed yet. I have seen forced marriages because a child was born but they rarely work. Since my trust was lost for this guy,I just feel that he is only planning to cover his ass so that his new catch may think he is a virgin and after aborting he will have no business with me after all. But to him,he insist that I terminate the unborn and he is given me an assurance of marriage and if I don’t do that,he will be a very discouraged man and his vision will be thwarted. The following question lingers in my mind day & night'-



1. What if I abort and he does not marry me?

2. What if I abort and that was the only child God had given me?

3. What if I die in the process of trying to abort?

4. Should I do a wrong to correct a wrong in as much as am going to suffer big shame?

5. Will God ever forgive me since I know its wrong & there are number of girls I have always discouraged from aborting and now they are mothers?

6. Should I abort to please men? To appear holy b4 people that I have never had sex yet I murdered.

7. I will I feel in that wedding gown being praised by our pastors,friends & relatives who will be telling other ladies to follow my steps yet deep within me????????

8. Should I abort for the sake of saving his integrity yet I know in the first place he has none?

9. Could this one month old in my womb be another Obama in the making?

10. Now that I have messed,will it be possible to get a man who will accept to marry me with my baby if I spare his/her life?



All the question I have written are very genuine and they are not fun. I am very confused and really need a genuine advice that can help someone in trouble have messed up my life big time and the future is very uncertain. I don’t know what lies ahead,am all alone in this. I can’t even consult the guy any more since he finally got a job and flew out of the country this week. I feel like the earth should open up and swallow me. OMG what do I do????




Life is more stict than a teacher,a teacher teaches a lesson&takes an exam but life does the reverse!

Dear New member,

I took my time to read ur post.If for real that is wot u goin through,i have this to say.....

Parenthood is one of the best things i have ever experienced!in my opinion,u should forget about abortion!please do not refuse to take such a great blessing from God!a baby is a blessing indeed...that said,i wonder how life would be without my little daughter.Your baby will bring sunshine to ur life!!just wait and see....please keep it!God will see you through and give you enough grace till the very end.

about whether u will ever get a a man to ever marry you with your baby?come on! there are many decent men out here who would not mind doing that for so long as you keep ur character upright and generally keep it real!

That said,i think i have answered you,but please,keep the baby whether or not the father wants to take responsibility or not...!Further more....that guy sounds like a serious loser!!let him go his way,you will be alright!

Feel comforted!


WIN WIN SITUATION

First of all,you must learn how not to do stupid things......like a man walking out you,then appearing after a while looking for sex.....and surely you offer yourself........shame on you!!

Next you must forget this man completely.......otherwise he will come back and probably infect you with serious ailments.....and by the way,have you checked your status?? Am not trying to alarm you on this but think its necessary.

Then you must learn to decide for your own good....be selfish!! For example,supposing you abort so that this man is not shamed,then process backfires and you get complications like not being able to conceive ever again?? so what next for you?? Am not trying to tell you not to abort,but to think using your HEAD,the matter between your two ears and not your feelings

Lastly...that fellow is not the last man on this planet,and there are better men than that....so take your time with men,dont get carried away every time a man tells you 'no one but you'.... that the easiest part for a man,especially if hes after the goody goodies.

If you have money that you expect to start using in five years,it now belongs in stocks.

I don't want to be hard on you....

but you must realize that you also allowed that guy to play u too much.....

hope you have learnt your lesson...

you shld not even allow yourself to think abt abortion.....its a murder...

keep your baby and trust God with your future......

forget abt that guy coz he is does'nt deserve you...




don't worry....be happy

@all,

So far i trully appreciate your responses.For those who sound hard,its ok with me coz all you are saying is the truth.Honestly i feel so stupid and ashamed.Did i say that i wish the earth could open up and swallow me.

Some simple mistakes we make in life that are very costly.I have cried like a baby.I cant imagin loosing my dignity to such a person....but it has happened.I havekept myself for 30yrs only to throw it in the dustbin only because i trusted him.I feel bad.


Life is more stict than a teacher,a teacher teaches a lesson&takes an exam but life does the reverse!

@ Wa P

Deep within my heart,the trust i had for this guy got lost somewhere and i dont think it ever come back.He was serious and trustworthy,i did know that i was dealing with an hyena in sheep clothing.I deleted his phone number immediately though he called me yesterday to tell me that he has gotten a job in Sudan but i just wished him luck.When he called again late in the evening to confirm whether i will abort or not,i just ignored the call and he went out without knowing my final decision.

Unfortunately we fellowship in the same church and i dont know whether to suffer in silence or share with our pastors or go to another church!



Life is more stict than a teacher,a teacher teaches a lesson&takes an exam but life does the reverse!

hi dear,
sorry for what ur goin thro. s*** happens. i was in a similar situation same time last yr.
The fact that ur askin for advice means ur not ready to abort so for what its worth dont.
Dont u want to meet ur baby,see his/ her eyes,lil hands n feet? dont u want to hear him/her laugh? watch him/ her sleep,smile,crawl,walk?
i had my baby girl when i was 21 and the world didnt end. ur 31 and in a better position than i am.

You have a right to your opinion.
Allow me mine!

Hmm @new member,one more thing,From my experience.
1. Kids are gifts from God,we are given to take care of them,we are their keepers.
2.God will never tempt you beyond your strengths.
3. You have not lost anything,trust me later you'll be looking back at in time (it being today) and have the strengths to face a new day.

my experience though:
From my experiences 3 years ago,I was having a job that i was being paid less than 7k month I had my GF of 6 months and 'kibahati mbaya' she got paged. she was a stanch catholic follower with posts in the church na mimi nilikuwa garagaria tuu ya mtaa,fresh out of school.. of course abortion was the obviously the first thing in mind but we decided to keep the baby,Bravlet A was born,the most beautiful thing i have ever seen,but they were staying at their home since i couldn't offer anything,for an year then,I started praying that I need to be with my famo to care for them etal,and thats exactly what God did,he gave me a good marriage,good job,a house,a car,in less than two years. not that i was smart/lwell learned or clever but coz of my simple prayer. PRAY and do what is right. and leave the rest to God.

Usichoke kutafuta salary

blondie the christian,the child is innocent.

@brav

hio kweli ama rongo???

@newcomer
listen to brav....i have met those bravlets and the then unfortunate bravette........they are a happy lot.....so never give up,but not on that silly,stupid,useless,mother**** man....that one forget FOREVER.

If you have money that you expect to start using in five years,it now belongs in stocks.