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Matrimonial gymnastics Pt II....dangerous emotions
Rank: Member Joined: 1/1/2011 Posts: 396
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Tip number one: Better Call Saul;) Other Tips: 1. He should note that she started planning her move exactly 24 months ago, on the day he lost his job. (There's significant research to show that women make superb risk assessment decisions and thus very good traders.) 2. He should sell all the remaining properties in his name immediately and negotiate for access rights to the children (eg, on weekends / once a month, etc). 3. Next: He should move on. Move to Eldie and rebuild himself and NEVER marry again! PS: As regards school fees / children's upkeep, I can tell from your postings that she never spent a penny of her own from the time she got the Oil Co. job. So he should not even discuss those costs with her. She can foot the bills in their entirety since she's been saving for ALOT of months / years! Or alternatively, access the myriad of lower cost schooling options.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/19/2010 Posts: 3,505 Location: Uganda
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segemia wrote:Angelica _ann wrote:How many children and their ages? Two children aged 10 and 8 years, a boy and a girl. Eldest is the boy. modern man is an endangered species.women getting into marriage to get kids and free themselves thereafter. it's Now too common.man is left in the cold. he should.gets anorher wife asap and continue supportimg the kids punda amecheka
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/21/2008 Posts: 2,490
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segemia wrote:Obi 1 Kanobi wrote:Me thinks your friend is leaving out some details. The way I see it;
1. It does not make sense to leave a house free of rent to go pay rent elsewhere, if it was cash issues, she would have continued living in the Nai house, after all the man is in Eldy, gives her enuf space.
2. If she was moving in with another man, I doubt she would take the old furniture, and would probably not want to take the children immeadiately.
Conclusion, she was running away from the Man. @Segemia, you need to get the whole story from the man, or talk to the wife to find out the other side of the story.
You are right. It did not make any sense for the woman to vacate her rent free house to go to wherever she went to, unless of course her salary had been adjusted to the level which the husband was previously collecting. Ladies do forget that no man would wish to take care of another man's kids when he (the other man) is still alive. I also thought that the lady was keeping a distance from the man until... Until he/she did what/who?????  The man who marries a beautiful woman, and the farmer who grows corn by the roadside have the same problem
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/27/2007 Posts: 2,768
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My advise to the man is: 1. The lady just vacated her matrimonial home out of her own volition and as such he should not go out looking for her... 2. He should cut all communications channels and links from her. If she calls he should not pick that phone, if she SMSses he should not reply and if she emails him he should not reply. If she sends out an emissary, he should turn them down and not discuss anything to do with this circus. 3. He should let the lady settle all the children's school fees bills and other expenses pertaining to the well being of the children. No matter what the lady communicates to him with regard to financial demands he should ignore completely and not bother to reply. 4. He should not allow that lady to get back to his house in his absence and without laying down the come back terms. Besides, she should come back accompanied by her parents and it is the man who should give them an appointment which should be at a convenient day to him, not her. As of now if it is possible he should change the locks for all the entrance doors into the house including the gate. He should hire a company soldier to look after the property and to report any forced access into the compound to the police. 5. Most likely the parents from both sides might call regarding this issue. He should tell them that he is not willing to discuss anything with them unless she is at her matrimonial home and they are present too in those discussions. 6. The lady is still his wife officially, but has chosen to desert him for unknown reason and destination. He does not know what she is doing or intends to do out there, therefore I suggest he takes stock of all his property and proceed to put caveats emptors on them. 7. At this stage he may not be able to bring in another woman unless the current marriage is dissolved. So, what to do??. From the narration given the wife is probably protesting something or is upto something. Therefore the man should prepare his defenses very well indeed if the lady chooses to come back. He will be hit with a bucket full of deep s**t when the lady starts to narrate the ordeal and the hell she has gone through (that the man is not aware of) since she got married to the man. He should also be prepared to be accused of a wrong doing that he committed one day after marrying the lady... 8. @segemia, if 1,2,3,4 and 5 is carried out by the man, be prepared to be the lady's saviour..  ...besides, the presence of a safe alone does not signify that there is money inside...
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/11/2009 Posts: 481
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Pole sana @Segemia. The Mulenge kingdom deeply sympathises with your situation. We can accommodate you for some time if things become 'elephant'. How are you eating or changing clothes? Are you sleeping on the floor?  "The longer the fuse the mightier the blast!"
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/20/2009 Posts: 658
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ZZE123 wrote:segemia wrote:Obi 1 Kanobi wrote:Me thinks your friend is leaving out some details. The way I see it;
1. It does not make sense to leave a house free of rent to go pay rent elsewhere, if it was cash issues, she would have continued living in the Nai house, after all the man is in Eldy, gives her enuf space.
2. If she was moving in with another man, I doubt she would take the old furniture, and would probably not want to take the children immeadiately.
Conclusion, she was running away from the Man. @Segemia, you need to get the whole story from the man, or talk to the wife to find out the other side of the story.
You are right. It did not make any sense for the woman to vacate her rent free house to go to wherever she went to, unless of course her salary had been adjusted to the level which the husband was previously collecting. Ladies do forget that no man would wish to take care of another man's kids when he (the other man) is still alive. I also thought that the lady was keeping a distance from the man until... Until he/she did what/who????? 
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/20/2009 Posts: 658
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banyamulenge wrote:Pole sana @Segemia. The Mulenge kingdom deeply sympathises with your situation. We can accommodate you for some time if things become 'elephant'. How are you eating or changing clothes? Are you sleeping on the floor? Sio mimi bwana, ni neighbour.
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/20/2009 Posts: 658
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Kaigangio wrote:My advise to the man is: 1. The lady just vacated her matrimonial home out of her own volition and as such he should not go out looking for her... 2. He should cut all communications channels and links from her. If she calls he should not pick that phone, if she SMSses he should not reply and if she emails him he should not reply. If she sends out an emissary, he should turn them down and not discuss anything to do with this circus. 3. He should let the lady settle all the children's school fees bills and other expenses pertaining to the well being of the children. No matter what the lady communicates to him with regard to financial demands he should ignore completely and not bother to reply. 4. He should not allow that lady to get back to his house in his absence and without laying down the come back terms. Besides, she should come back accompanied by her parents and it is the man who should give them an appointment which should be at a convenient day to him, not her. As of now if it is possible he should change the locks for all the entrance doors into the house including the gate. He should hire a company soldier to look after the property and to report any forced access into the compound to the police. 5. Most likely the parents from both sides might call regarding this issue. He should tell them that he is not willing to discuss anything with them unless she is at her matrimonial home and they are present too in those discussions. 6. The lady is still his wife officially, but has chosen to desert him for unknown reason and destination. He does not know what she is doing or intends to do out there, therefore I suggest he takes stock of all his property and proceed to put caveats emptors on them. 7. At this stage he may not be able to bring in another woman unless the current marriage is dissolved. So, what to do??. From the narration given the wife is probably protesting something or is upto something. Therefore the man should prepare his defenses very well indeed if the lady chooses to come back. He will be hit with a bucket full of deep s**t when the lady starts to narrate the ordeal and the hell she has gone through (that the man is not aware of) since she got married to the man. He should also be prepared to be accused of a wrong doing that he committed one day after marrying the lady... 8. @segemia, if 1,2,3,4 and 5 is carried out by the man, be prepared to be the lady's saviour.. How now???? By marrying her or what??Ebu fafanua!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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Obi 1 Kanobi wrote:Me thinks your friend is leaving out some details. The way I see it;
1. It does not make sense to leave a house free of rent to go pay rent elsewhere, if it was cash issues, she would have continued living in the Nai house, after all the man is in Eldy, gives her enuf space.
2. If she was moving in with another man, I doubt she would take the old furniture, and would probably not want to take the children immeadiately.
Conclusion, she was running away from the Man. @Segemia, you need to get the whole story from the man, or talk to the wife to find out the other side of the story.
A wise man will not give advice to either couple until he hears the true story from each party. That marriage imo crumbled long ago,falling apart was inevitable. I highly doubt it had to do with the job. We don't know a thing except the two parties involved and each one is acting angel. There is one respected church elder who took in the househelp,displaced the wife and grown sons. The grown sons out of revenge took their wrath out on the maid.She's now expectant and no one knows who's responsible,dad or sons. The man had no choice but to raise up the new child. -his own or grand whatever it will be called. Segemia, you seem very concerned,lol.Ukiingilia katikati utachomeka. wachana nao wajisort.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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CLK wrote:This is not a sad story really, being single i always say if someone shows you their true colors, believe them.1. No woman, who loves the husband, loves her children will walk away from her matrimonial home just like that.
2. These two people got married when they were both desperate.
3. The two seem to have gotten married for the wrong reasons, if they were in sync, were in love, money would not be an issue, women make homes, they are the ones who strive to save money so the suggestion to make savings here and there would be the woman's, assuming you have not left some details out, this mama was in it for the money, someone else is providing the money or promised to.
4. Men, just like women never learn.
5.Marry someone for who they are, not what they have.
6. Marry a stable woman, someone who has her own identity, someone independent na shida zenu hazitakuwa pesa, am being an idealist here, reality is most people dont get married, they find themselves in it.
Ask your neighbour to go find a woman and put in that house, alafu anyamaze.
Let him pay fees for the kids, nothing else. Mmmmmh, single then goes ahead to give loads of advice on marriage!!! ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Matrimonial gymnastics Pt II....dangerous emotions
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