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verbally abusive husband
Tiro
#11 Posted : Tuesday, October 13, 2009 11:47:00 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 9/21/2006
Posts: 8
For how long has he been abusive. its always easy to pick the negatives and fail to appreciate the positives. Pick a pen and paper,and write down all the negatives about your relationship and do the same for all the positives. Weigh out both and make a decision based on the outcome.

Also evaluate yourself,how do you treat your husband. I am a strong beliver in positive thinking and appreciation. If you treat him in a negative way,then dont expect anything else. Am sure for a relationship of 10yrs and 2kids has numerous positives. Look around you and thank God for what you have.

in your post,there is nothing positive you have said about your husband,.....nothing! Surely he cant be all that bad. If he comes home at 9,then thats something positive in my view. Treat him positively and he'll reciprocate.

For heavens sake dont quit,quiters are loosers. Dont think life will be better by running from problems. Take those problems as challenges and figure out how to address them.
Robinhood
#12 Posted : Tuesday, October 13, 2009 11:51:00 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 12/11/2008
Posts: 2,306
Fancyface.... for the sake of your children and for your sake,it is important to have this situation resolved one way or the other soonest possible. Have you gotten someone he respects to talk to him? either relatives/parents or possibly a pastor? If you have and he is not ready to change,please leave fast. If you have not,please do. If he wont change please LEAVE and get legal assistance on the way.

I believe that no one has a right to turn anyone else into a punching bag,and no one should stay in a abusive marriage just for the kids sake or because the pastor says so,or because of ''love''

Everyone has a right to a happy,peaceful life. Your kids deserve a loving family life where their father loves and respects their mother.

God is good
Great men are not always wise, neither do the aged understand judgement...
Intelligentsia
#13 Posted : Tuesday, October 13, 2009 12:10:00 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 10/1/2009
Posts: 2,436


Not the very best thing to give relationship advice on the basis of only ONE partner's contribution,because as humans we tend to cast ourselve as angels,the victim,the one needing protection -while at the same time painting the other partner as the devil's principal assistant if not the devil incarnate himself. Such advise if often skewed -mostly in favor of the complaining party..

gets home by nine pm - partly good he's home that early and wakes up next to you. Some women can count on their fingers the number of times their menfok do that.

...dwell on issues as old as ten years...has never paid dowry - both stretch over a long time,could there be a link? could this be THE issue?

Fancy Face et al are all focussed on her and the 2 children.

Let me shift that illumination briefly to him kiasi:


Why does he insult you? What does his insults to you center on?
Do YOU keep revisiting the issue of him not legitimizing your marriage frequently,either when he's drunk or not? Could this be the trigger?

Now a question to FancyFace: you know very well what to do when your life and that of your kids is in danger but you are not doing it,why? And your decision to stay all the years may not necessarily have anything to do with monetary issues,so what really has been holding you back all these years?




..there's nothing,absolutely nothing really,that I can't do if I put my mind to it.
leona
#14 Posted : Tuesday, October 13, 2009 3:14:00 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 8/1/2008
Posts: 1,432
Location: Marsabit
@Fancyface
Sweetheart,Am sooo sorry you have to undergo such trauma froma man who's otherwise supposed to Love and treasure you all the days of your life. Most people,unless if they have ever undergone verbal abuse do not understand its impact. But my dear,I do. A few years ago,i watched a best friend slowly get eaten away by the stresses of an abusive spouse. I honestly couldnt understand at first the pain she was going through..and she stayed in that marriage 'For the sake of her kids' and acted calm everytime the hubby got started with his abuses. We tried to encourage relatives,family members,church..etc to intervene. but all in vain! The man would change for a week and go back to his horrible abuses thereafter. The older son was getting affected and kept asking 'Kwanini Daddy hutukana Mum hivyo?' and it was very embarassing when the situation affected his perfomance in school and his teachers also intervened. The boy was even asking his classmates if their Dads abuse their Mums and threaten to beat them up!
Anyway,To cut the long story short...The lady got PG during one of those lovey dovey rebound sessions,and life was terrible for her,the man became more abusive and during her 4th month...he beat her up so badly,she almost lost her life! She miscarriaged and was badly hurt..not to mention deeply traumatized. She left that bugger and lives on her own now with her two lovely kids.

Abuse starts polepole and degenarates into horrible things later on. Act before it's too late. You and your kids shouldnt suffer. Try and get the your hubby some proffesional help..If it doesnt work ama he's hesitant to take it on..then separate kidogo for him to decide what he wants in life,and for the kids to experience some peace in life.

Fancyface,Dont wait for it to get physical. That man is sick and needs help ASAP!

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't..
Nevermind what haters say, ignore them til they fade away - Just live your life
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