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Why is polygamy frowned on in Kenya?
Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,328 Location: Masada
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Lolest! wrote:That was one uneasy moment for the people in studio! @Janet was humbled and could not hide the shame and laughter at the same time! Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/1/2009 Posts: 846
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Talk to anyone who belongs to a polygamous family, either one of the wives, children or even the man himself. The following is likely the case. 1. Mistreated kids 2. Jealousy and envy between the step families especially where its two wives. 3, Reduced quality of life, read having to fend for more mouths or negligence altogether. 4. Man worrying if any of the wives could poison him. 5. Last but no least, MOST polygamous men end up very lonely in old-age, wives don't care since they hold grudges from the day he married the second wife and the day he went back to the first wife etc, children have learned to survive without his support and are always protective of their mums very few accord them the respect they deserve and wait for him to die so they can fight over his property assets. Women do not like sharing, hata mpango wa kando pray you leave your wife for them, only they cannot say it, unless they are there for the money. Otherwise half the time, everyone accepts and moves on. As someone said, its all about Greed, and we know this one has no end, you look back a few years down the road and wish you can undo so decisions.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2008 Posts: 6,275 Location: Kenya
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CLK wrote:Talk to anyone who belongs to a polygamous family, either one of the wives, children or even the man himself. The following is likely the case.
1. Mistreated kids
2. Jealousy and envy between the step families especially where its two wives.
3, Reduced quality of life, read having to fend for more mouths or negligence altogether.
4. Man worrying if any of the wives could poison him.
5. Last but no least, MOST polygamous men end up very lonely in old-age, wives don't care since they hold grudges from the day he married the second wife and the day he went back to the first wife etc, children have learned to survive without his support and are always protective of their mums very few accord them the respect they deserve and wait for him to die so they can fight over his property assets.
Women do not like sharing, hata mpango wa kando pray you leave your wife for them, only they cannot say it, unless they are there for the money.
Otherwise half the time, everyone accepts and moves on.
As someone said, its all about Greed, and we know this one has no end, you look back a few years down the road and wish you can undo so decisions. First, it is funny how those who are not in this institution frown at itMost of them only know failed polygamous marriages. Most of them are not even married ( not talking about you CLK, I know you're married  ), and still looking but will be comfortable being a mistress. I myself is from familywhose grandfather (my late grand-dad) had four wives. For your information, all my uncles and aunties went to school and worked in good jobs, most of them are now retired. And if you're wonderingall the sibblings grew up close and until now the families still do things together. Many people cannot tell which child is from which mother, espeially the men, coz they resemble my grand father. So they way to raise a family is personal choiceThere are even children from monogamous families who are mistreated. You see polygamy is there to solve many social issuesIncluding prostitution, inbalanced sexual needs in relationships. It is a fact that almost all men liketo have as many female partners as possible. They have that natural instinct to be with many women. If we just rubbish it because of some so-called assumed likely cases, we end up creating problems, including unfaithfulness, because men, generally speaking, will still go out to satisfy that desire to be with many women. Why not give the men the official opportunity to do what they enjoy doing in safe way as long as he can afford. If you feel this is for you, then keep off There are men who want one woman. The same way there are men who don't even want even a woman! Don't bad mouth something just because it does not suit you.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2008 Posts: 6,275 Location: Kenya
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Polygamy should be treated as individual rights and freedomEveryone want to decide whether to practice polygamy or not. This is should an individual's choice. Since it is personal decision, then an institution should now interfer with that decision. If a person wants to practice polygamyor a woman wants to be married by someone who has a wife (ves), then that decision to be left with that person. No one should be deprived of this choice. Everybody knows what is good for him/her. Now when you see others talking on behalf of others is plain mean! 
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2008 Posts: 6,275 Location: Kenya
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Below is the wisdom behind polygamy in Islam:The Creator knows best why men are given the permission to polygamy. 1) It's known fact that there are more women than menWomen also have longer life. You don't have to ask how this is, because you should know that more men die from things like wars & other calamities. And you would find more widows in the world than widowers. What happens in the societies that restrict men?to only one wife, you can see the result, many women without husbands. You know very well thatwhen a woman is divorced or her husband dies, many times it becomes very, very difficult for her to remarry. Islam permits polygamy to solve this problem. 2) Also, sometimes, the wife is found to be barrenAnd husband wants to have children. Polygamy can solve this problem. 3) You know and I know that some menare not satisfied with one woman. Of course some are satisfied with one woman. And of course you know there are men who don't even want any woman. So they are all differnt. So recognising this need, Islam has permitted man to marry more than one wife In societies where they pretend, most men fall into adultery & fornication. You know, that in these so-called developed societiesit is common practive for men to get themselves mistresses. They also have many extramarital affairs. This way, you know, the woman in this relationship is disgraced and unprotected. You know that this same western societyscream when they heat a man having more than one wife. This way, the woman would have honour, dignity and lead a safe life. 4. Also, a woman may fail to satisfy needs (physical)of husband because say illness. Islam allowing polygamy has closed the door to extramarital affairs. These are just some of the wisdomTO us Muslims, it is the decision of the Creator, and we accept it. Allah tells us in Quran:Quote:...If anyone disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he is indeed on a clearly wrong path? SummaryIf a man is able to marry two, or three, or four wives and he treats all justly, then there is nothing Islamically. As long as he can fulfil the rights of the wives as stipulated in the Islamic marriage law. And women have the right to be treated justly with love in respect. Of course, it is not easy for the first woman to accept this. But it is for the better
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/11/2012 Posts: 5,222
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CLK wrote:Talk to anyone who belongs to a polygamous family, either one of the wives, children or even the man himself. The following is likely the case.
1. Mistreated kids
2. Jealousy and envy between the step families especially where its two wives.
3, Reduced quality of life, read having to fend for more mouths or negligence altogether.
4. Man worrying if any of the wives could poison him.
5. Last but no least, MOST polygamous men end up very lonely in old-age, wives don't care since they hold grudges from the day he married the second wife and the day he went back to the first wife etc, children have learned to survive without his support and are always protective of their mums very few accord them the respect they deserve and wait for him to die so they can fight over his property assets.
Women do not like sharing, hata mpango wa kando pray you leave your wife for them, only they cannot say it, unless they are there for the money.
Otherwise half the time, everyone accepts and moves on.
As someone said, its all about Greed, and we know this one has no end, you look back a few years down the road and wish you can undo so decisions. A woman has spoken!!  All said and done, MWK polygamy polyandry or any relationship involving 'extra' people is not for the faint hearted.. for non-muslims. Especially since you just can't separate by quoting 4 words.
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/1/2009 Posts: 846
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AlphDoti wrote:CLK wrote:Talk to anyone who belongs to a polygamous family, either one of the wives, children or even the man himself. The following is likely the case.
1. Mistreated kids
2. Jealousy and envy between the step families especially where its two wives.
3, Reduced quality of life, read having to fend for more mouths or negligence altogether.
4. Man worrying if any of the wives could poison him.
5. Last but no least, MOST polygamous men end up very lonely in old-age, wives don't care since they hold grudges from the day he married the second wife and the day he went back to the first wife etc, children have learned to survive without his support and are always protective of their mums very few accord them the respect they deserve and wait for him to die so they can fight over his property assets.
Women do not like sharing, hata mpango wa kando pray you leave your wife for them, only they cannot say it, unless they are there for the money.
Otherwise half the time, everyone accepts and moves on.
As someone said, its all about Greed, and we know this one has no end, you look back a few years down the road and wish you can undo so decisions. First, it is funny how those who are not in this institution frown at itMost of them only know failed polygamous marriages. Most of them are not even married ( not talking about you CLK, I know you're married ), and still looking but will be comfortable being a mistress. I myself is from familywhose grandfather (my late grand-dad) had four wives. For your information, all my uncles and aunties went to school and worked in good jobs, most of them are now retired. And if you're wonderingall the sibblings grew up close and until now the families still do things together. Many people cannot tell which child is from which mother, espeially the men, coz they resemble my grand father. So they way to raise a family is personal choiceThere are even children from monogamous families who are mistreated. You see polygamy is there to solve many social issuesIncluding prostitution, inbalanced sexual needs in relationships. It is a fact that almost all men liketo have as many female partners as possible. They have that natural instinct to be with many women. If we just rubbish it because of some so-called assumed likely cases, we end up creating problems, including unfaithfulness, because men, generally speaking, will still go out to satisfy that desire to be with many women. Why not give the men the official opportunity to do what they enjoy doing in safe way as long as he can afford. If you feel this is for you, then keep off There are men who want one woman. The same way there are men who don't even want even a woman! Don't bad mouth something just because it does not suit you. Slept my mind, i needed to put a disclaimer about Muslims, i know it would work since it is expected a husband will at some point marry three more and this is what women Muslim sign up for. However its different for Christians, who will take the vows in church and do the exact opposite, resulting in resentful wives since this is not what they signed for. And NO, i am not married, very very single, umefikisha mwisho, ama naweza kuwa number four??
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/1/2009 Posts: 846
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AlphDoti wrote:Below is the wisdom behind polygamy in Islam:The Creator knows best why men are given the permission to polygamy. 1) It's known fact that there are more women than menWomen also have longer life. You don't have to ask how this is, because you should know that more men die from things like wars & other calamities. And you would find more widows in the world than widowers. What happens in the societies that restrict men?to only one wife, you can see the result, many women without husbands. You know very well thatwhen a woman is divorced or her husband dies, many times it becomes very, very difficult for her to remarry. Islam permits polygamy to solve this problem. 2) Also, sometimes, the wife is found to be barrenAnd husband wants to have children. Polygamy can solve this problem. 3) You know and I know that some menare not satisfied with one woman. Of course some are satisfied with one woman. And of course you know there are men who don't even want any woman. So they are all differnt. So recognising this need, Islam has permitted man to marry more than one wife In societies where they pretend, most men fall into adultery & fornication. You know, that in these so-called developed societiesit is common practive for men to get themselves mistresses. They also have many extramarital affairs. This way, you know, the woman in this relationship is disgraced and unprotected. You know that this same western societyscream when they heat a man having more than one wife. This way, the woman would have honour, dignity and lead a safe life. 4. Also, a woman may fail to satisfy needs (physical)of husband because say illness. Islam allowing polygamy has closed the door to extramarital affairs. These are just some of the wisdomTO us Muslims, it is the decision of the Creator, and we accept it. Allah tells us in Quran:Quote:...If anyone disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he is indeed on a clearly wrong path? SummaryIf a man is able to marry two, or three, or four wives and he treats all justly, then there is nothing Islamically. As long as he can fulfil the rights of the wives as stipulated in the Islamic marriage law. And women have the right to be treated justly with love in respect. Of course, it is not easy for the first woman to accept this. But it is for the better Argue it this way, every woman wants a man who is better in terms of social standing, financial and economic, bla bla bla. This cuts the number of eligible men by half, ongezea gay, priests and those who choose not to get married. This has forced women to actually accept polygamy and move on, or accept mpango za kando and move on, i know a number who will know their husbands are cheating and wont do a thing, the say'at the end of the day atarudi kwangu'
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/18/2011 Posts: 12,069 Location: Kianjokoma
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Karume in his biography says he got an additional wife to take care of his businesses.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/21/2010 Posts: 6,675 Location: Nairobi
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poundfoolish wrote:guru267 wrote:Ask the white man & his Christianity!!  Ala! @Guru, you have no problem with it? I have a problem with going against nature.. 1.The sexual appetite of most men is more than one woman can handle... 2. What happens to the man when his one wife hits menopause?? 3. Despite all the hatred & jealously, women have still always been willing to share a powerful, loving respectful man! 4. Polygamy has a longer history of success than monogamy.. 5. The % of monogamous marriages in divorce greatly outweighs the % of polygamy marriages in divorce... In the Bible we have all choices supported equally by God! polygamy (Solomon, Abraham) Monogamy (Joseph, Simon Peter) Celibacy (Saul aka Paul) Mark 12:29
Deuteronomy 4:16
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2008 Posts: 6,275 Location: Kenya
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So given the above considerationspolygamy helps in preventing or minimizing adultery. We've already highlighted that generally a man enjoys having multiple sexual relationships. So if a man is allowed many wives as he wants and as he can afford, there will no or less need for extramarital sex. Having one wife only creates a feeling and state or situation for a temptation to cheat. This way, polygamy wold offer a solution to this problem. By the way Polygamous marriages in Islamic world constitute only 1–3% of all marriages!!!! only 2% of all Muslims are polygamousSo when you allow polygamy, people will know it is an option available for them. So no anxiety about it. And no feeling to cheat. That's why we we have the lowest rate of infidelity in Islamic worlds in the world. 1. Sub-Saharan Africa registers the highest in the worldIt is home to over 12% of world’s population and 2/3 of all people infected. Southern Africa leading, with adult prevalence rates over 20%. Other countries that follow in the region are Swaziland and Botswana. 2. Compare this with HIV/AIDS prevalence in the Middle Eastand North Africa, which is around 0.2%. At the end of the day, life style really matters.prevalence rate 
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2008 Posts: 6,275 Location: Kenya
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CLK wrote:AlphDoti wrote:CLK wrote:Talk to anyone who belongs to a polygamous family, either one of the wives, children or even the man himself. The following is likely the case.
1. Mistreated kids
2. Jealousy and envy between the step families especially where its two wives.
3, Reduced quality of life, read having to fend for more mouths or negligence altogether.
4. Man worrying if any of the wives could poison him.
5. Last but no least, MOST polygamous men end up very lonely in old-age, wives don't care since they hold grudges from the day he married the second wife and the day he went back to the first wife etc, children have learned to survive without his support and are always protective of their mums very few accord them the respect they deserve and wait for him to die so they can fight over his property assets.
Women do not like sharing, hata mpango wa kando pray you leave your wife for them, only they cannot say it, unless they are there for the money.
Otherwise half the time, everyone accepts and moves on.
As someone said, its all about Greed, and we know this one has no end, you look back a few years down the road and wish you can undo so decisions. First, it is funny how those who are not in this institution frown at itMost of them only know failed polygamous marriages. Most of them are not even married ( not talking about you CLK, I know you're married ), and still looking but will be comfortable being a mistress. I myself is from familywhose grandfather (my late grand-dad) had four wives. For your information, all my uncles and aunties went to school and worked in good jobs, most of them are now retired. And if you're wonderingall the sibblings grew up close and until now the families still do things together. Many people cannot tell which child is from which mother, espeially the men, coz they resemble my grand father. So they way to raise a family is personal choiceThere are even children from monogamous families who are mistreated. You see polygamy is there to solve many social issuesIncluding prostitution, inbalanced sexual needs in relationships. It is a fact that almost all men liketo have as many female partners as possible. They have that natural instinct to be with many women. If we just rubbish it because of some so-called assumed likely cases, we end up creating problems, including unfaithfulness, because men, generally speaking, will still go out to satisfy that desire to be with many women. Why not give the men the official opportunity to do what they enjoy doing in safe way as long as he can afford. If you feel this is for you, then keep off There are men who want one woman. The same way there are men who don't even want even a woman! Don't bad mouth something just because it does not suit you. Slept my mind, i needed to put a disclaimer about Muslims, i know it would work since it is expected a husband will at some point marry three more and this is what women Muslim sign up for. However its different for Christians, who will take the vows in church and do the exact opposite, resulting in resentful wives since this is not what they signed for. And NO, i am not married, very very single, umefikisha mwisho, ama naweza kuwa number four?? Lady @CLK, I still have vacancies. Maybe a circumstance will present itself that will make me have need for another wife. Allah knows best. But again, I know it's your wish to settle down with a manA responsible man. I think you're not a young girl in her twenties. You need to think of hooking up with a man who can marry you and make you a wife. It does not matter whether he's married or not. But he should take responsibility. I know you want to reply and write a lot to counter this proposal. But wait one moment... At age above 30A lady cannot lie to us that they've never fornicated (of course there are a few who're still virgins at this age). But most above this age have had a thing with someone who has wife already. I know they must have felt guiltyThey don't have to continue feeling like that. I know getting a single guy nowadays is very hard. Again they may not want to marry young men who are less mature than them. If you're a christian see what God says about BASTARD childrenGod has condemned having children outside marriage. God in the Bible has allowed polygamy. So fear God and not man. Don't be victim of Western culture. See it for yourself:Hebrews 13:4"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.Deuteronomy 23:2"No one born of a forbidden union may enter the assembly of the Lord. Even to the tenth generation, none of his descendants may enter the assembly of the Lord. Jesus (peace be upon him) is reminding youthose who want to say this is in the old. Jesus (pbuh) is referring you to the scritpures that came before Injeel. Matthew 5:27-28"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.Matthew 19:4-6He answered, "Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female..."God already laid down the lawand very few people in the Christian world today abide by these laws!!!! These Christians now say Gods are actually three, they have trinity!!!! Exodus 20:1-26And God spoke all these words, saying, "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. “You shall have no other gods before me. “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for..." Who cheated you that divorce is not allowed!!!!Deuteronomy 24:1-4 "When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house..."
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/29/2010 Posts: 679 Location: nairobi
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guru267 wrote:poundfoolish wrote:guru267 wrote:Ask the white man & his Christianity!! Ala! @Guru, you have no problem with it? I have a problem with going against nature.. 1.The sexual appetite of most men is more than one woman can handle... 2. What happens to the man when his one wife hits menopause?? 3. Despite all the hatred & jealously, women have still always been willing to share a powerful, loving respectful man! 4. Polygamy has a longer history of success than monogamy.. 5. The % of monogamous marriages in divorce greatly outweighs the % of polygamy marriages in divorce... In the Bible we have all choices supported equally by God! polygamy (Solomon, Abraham) Monogamy (Joseph, Simon Peter) Celibacy (Saul aka Paul) your a chic right? i ask because this is a very sober argument which very few ladies would agree to
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/18/2011 Posts: 12,069 Location: Kianjokoma
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AlphDoti wrote:
4. Also, a woman may fail to satisfy needs (physical)
of husband because say illness.
Islam allowing polygamy has closed the door to extramarital affairs.
what solution does Islam have for njaa mingi women where the man may fail to satisfy the needs because of illness?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/18/2011 Posts: 12,069 Location: Kianjokoma
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 Huyu anatesa mtoto!!!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2008 Posts: 6,275 Location: Kenya
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Lolest! wrote:AlphDoti wrote:
4. Also, a woman may fail to satisfy needs (physical)
of husband because say illness.
Islam allowing polygamy has closed the door to extramarital affairs.
what solution does Islam have for njaa mingi women where the man may fail to satisfy the needs because of illness? @lonest, I must have missed this question in 2013...  If she is patient Allah will reward her, but if "njaa mingi" brings her to temptation and sin of adultery, then she can seek a divorce from her husband. You see for the vice versa where the man has "njaa mingi" problem he can marry another second wife, if he can afford... As you know, Islam is submission to Allah, not submission human. So whether it being the husband or otherwise, whatever brings you closer to Allah is better for you i.e. avoiding sin. NOTE: In Islam, the divorce is an affair which is loathsome to Allah and not a praise worthy at all. It is an option which Allah provided as a last resort due to the problems and possible evils.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2008 Posts: 6,275 Location: Kenya
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Let me quote a sheikh: Even though divorce is hated by Allah, however, if there is a situation in the marriage life taking place between the man and the women, due to a defect or defects in one or both of them, such problems of deen, bad character, sickness, or a defect such as being sterile or similar. Then out of the mercy of Allah, seeking divorce is permissible. In this case, it is okay and there is nothing prohibited in seeking a divorce (by either parties).
So the wife can demand divorce if she does not like her husband for any other reason. She can do so giving him back the bridal money he gave her. This is lawful as proved in the Qur'an where Allah says: ...Then if you fear that they would not be able to keep the limits ordained by Allah, then there is no sin on either of them if she gives back (the Mahr or a part of it) for her Al-Khul' (divorce) [Quran 2: 229].
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