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Mother in-law mistreating father inlaw
Rank: Elder Joined: 7/11/2012 Posts: 5,222
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Rankaz13 wrote:Mukiri wrote:This diabetes is competing with cancer in finishing us  Are there home-test kits? Test centers in/out of Nairobi? Apart from a few cases where it is either genetic or pregnancy-induced, diabetes is largely possible to keep at bay just by adopting a healthy lifestyle, such as managing your weight (watch BMI), eating healthy foods, keep a physically active lifestyle, etc. There're several tests for diabetes including RBS, FBS, OGTT and HbA1c. The RBS, which you can probably do at home, is more of a screening test. The rest are best done at the hospital level where thorough investigations can then be conducted. The biggest problem is that most of us have a casual approach to our health and only go to hospital when in pain. For instance, if you have malaria you'll probably have some fever, headache and joint-aches all of which will be uncomfortable enough to force you to go to hospital. On the other hand, diabetes is a bit more insidious and will rarely cause pain (except in advanced cases where organ failure begins to manifest) and for that reason most people tend to ignore the initial tell-tale signs and only go to hospital when it's too late. Some of the initial signs of diabetes are so non-specific that it's easy to dismiss them e.g the sweating, excessive urination (polyuria) and thirst (polydipsia). Thing is, please be vigilant with your health and do not neglect anything that is outside the norm. I'm not saying you should be a hypochondriac but it's better to be safe than sorry. Your health is actually your greatest asset, without it everything else that you own will be of not much benefit. Take good care of your body. You should also mention that diabetes affects the pine.. in a major way! There have been all sorts of landing problems here, passengers, njaa, being stressed by wives, only one chot, cheating, killer wives etc That should get people queuing for a test.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/20/2009 Posts: 1,402
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Rankaz13 wrote:Mukiri wrote:This diabetes is competing with cancer in finishing us Are there home-test kits? Test centers in/out of Nairobi? Apart from a few cases where it is either genetic or pregnancy-induced, diabetes is largely possible to keep at bay just by adopting a healthy lifestyle, such as managing your weight (watch BMI), eating healthy foods, keep a physically active lifestyle, etc. There're several tests for diabetes including RBS, FBS, OGTT and HbA1c. The RBS, which you can probably do at home, is more of a screening test. The rest are best done at the hospital level where thorough investigations can then be conducted. The biggest problem is that most of us have a casual approach to our health and only go to hospital when in pain. For instance, if you have malaria you'll probably have some fever, headache and joint-aches all of which will be uncomfortable enough to force you to go to hospital. On the other hand, diabetes is a bit more insidious and will rarely cause pain (except in advanced cases where organ failure begins to manifest) and for that reason most people tend to ignore the initial tell-tale signs and only go to hospital when it's too late. Some of the initial signs of diabetes are so non-specific that it's easy to dismiss them e.g the sweating, excessive urination (polyuria) and thirst (polydipsia). Thing is, please be vigilant with your health and do not neglect anything that is outside the norm. I'm not saying you should be a hypochondriac but it's better to be safe than sorry. Your health is actually your greatest asset, without it everything else that you own will be of not much benefit. Take good care of your body. Agreed @ Rank
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 7/19/2013 Posts: 88
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aemathenge wrote:
You believe. Geee.
I guess you believe that during the next chama meeting, you will post your wife's concerns about, well what-ever, as an agenda under any-other-business.
I guess that you will suggest that as part of the group constitution, a member shall be made to state his/her marital status including mipango ya kando and progeny inside and outside wedlock.
Oh. And yes, I shall take great exception in the event that you post your bedroom dirty linen on groups section of the Virtual Republic of Wazua. In any event, you do know a bit about the Republic, don't you?
I believe, my foot.
Indeed.
I wouldn't want to take you seriously. Anyhow this is a virtual republic and all precautions have been taken. Information abounds, what is critical is how you get it. The other things are details. I chose to post this here because I have faith in wazua and their advice and am over 18. But all 'privacy protocols' have been observed. Maybe I know you  But thanks for your sentiments “I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 7/19/2013 Posts: 88
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Mukiri wrote:I see the welcoming committee has given you the usual rousing welcome  Question: Why don't you and your wife take in the mzee? Under the pretext of getting him specialized care in the city? Also as a form of practice for your wife, incase you fall under the same predicament. Or if you are 'afraid' of doing the dirty work, hire and directly pay a nurse/care-giver Thanks Mukiri for your advice. Am thinking going this route. Ok the setup of my nuclear family and my rented place is such that I will have to get another place to house him/or change the ceiling of what I had put as the max rent I can pay in this city. The challenge is the helper will have to stay with them(mum and dad in-law) and has to work under instructions from the same mother in-law. That is where things get  “I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 7/19/2013 Posts: 88
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butterflyke wrote:@commando, i think you need to be very practical on this regarding your father in law-, the 'obvious' would seem that you should put him into the care of someone either yourselves or employ someone to take care of her 1. What do we do to get our mum inlaw understand that what she is doing is wrong and get her to treat mzee right - about changing the mother in law's behaviour, that is unlikely to happen...just let it be and may be she may see the err of her ways one day2. Does this happen? Do old but stronger women neglect their much older/'useless' husbands at such a time of need? - i don't know but you need to deal with the issue at hand and not worry so much about on what scale this happens..3. Is this a character that can be 'seen' from a far as in, is it psb that my loving swty can possibly do the same to me? - (hizi psb na swty ni nini? - i don't think you should prejudge your wife unless of course you have seen some tendencies. focus on making your marriage continue working and take care of the father in law all the best Elders advice!  keep it coming! “I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 7/19/2013 Posts: 88
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@Lady Admin There is this prompt am getting when I try to post successively, like you cannot post in 3,244 Sec. Could you please reduce this timeout?? I need to thank elders here for the serious advice they are giving me yet cannot do it on time. All my lights are on this thread “I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 7/19/2013 Posts: 88
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MaichBlack wrote:KulaRaha wrote:You should first get him medicated...that may solve everything. Diabetics need to be treated.
Then secondly you should also pray hard, your wife doesn't treat you like that in 40 years time.
You know what they say, like mother like daughter, everytime! Wacha kutisha @commando. This not necessarily true. There are ladies who are totally different from their mothers. Parents of course have an influence but their sons and daughters also have a brain!! I have seen pastors with drank kids and drunkards who have very sober and hardworking kids. I believe my beta half wont do the same. my madam has half the genes from her mum, but i blv her mums behavior is just out of selfishness but not in her DNA. further, I have also interacted with kids to professors, who are.... yes who are a contradiction(academically) “I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 7/19/2013 Posts: 88
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Rankaz13 wrote:commando wrote:Jambo wazuas.
Nimejikaribisha mwenyewe na kuanza kupost. I have been a peeper for sometime and know abit about this forum.
I have one serious family issue, and being a jaduong, i cant keep quiet. I was recently told by my better half while in tears, that my real mum inlaw is mistreating my real father inlaw. They have been married for kidu 28 years. My father inlaw is a very cool man, in his early seventies now. He is seriously diabetic. He was a truck driver and took care of his family the best he could. He is a man who cannot harm an insect. Seemingly, when he was working, he was of value to the wife, but is useless now that he is old, sickly and diabetic. He sweats so much at night-the smelly sweat-till the pillow is drenched. He has to go to the gents severally at night. His health is failing fast.
For my mum -inlaw, this is the 3rd marriage. She is a very domineering lady and has caused some troubles in my house coz of her influence on her dota-my wife-but a jaduaong wouldn't be defeated. I managed to wade her off respectfully. Her daughter is not her type, she says its her mum, but she doesn't agree with her on many fronts. We would send money to her via mpesa, but our father-inlaw wouldnt be given anything. She is in her mid fifties, into county politics. Mzee is left at home, weak, not cooked for, neglected. Aunties, uncles somehow cant face her. Currently we are mpesaing the mzee directly.
what i would like to ask wazuans is
1. What do we do to get our mum inlaw understand that what she is doing is wrong and get her to treat mzee right.
2. Does this happen? Do old but stronger women neglect their much older/'useless' husbands at such a time of need?
3. Is this a character that can be 'seen' from a far as in, is it psb that my loving swty can possibly do the same to me?
Thanks wazuans again, indeed I choose to address that. Ordinarily, those are some of the symptoms of undiagnosed diabetes. If you say he's on medication but the symptoms still persist, it could be that the diabetes is poorly controlled. Management of diabetes is more than just the medication, there also are issues to do with diet and lifestyle modification. The way I see it, you have no option but to take him in in the immediate short-term at least until the illness is well managed and his health begins to pick up. Under your roof and constant care, you'll be able to monitor his drug-taking habits as well as his diet so as to gauge adherence to prescribed treatment. Please remember that poorly controlled diabetes may eventually result in several other medical complications, all of which will compound one another. A stitch in time... At the same time, the apparent neglect by his spouse could be stressing him out which obviously doesn't augur well in so far as managing his condition is concerned. Mchukue, ishi naye kwa muda, let him have some peace of mind for a while also and hope that, as he recuperates, a solution for you will emerge. For this purpose, you may also wanna involve his other children besides your wife. @Rankaz13, I appreciate profusely. As i responded earlier, taking him in will require some modifications in my current setup. The chumz i will use to get a bigger place to accommodate him., I send to him for medication and diet and paying a helper. But my biggest issue question is how do i do it, and not come off as interfering, or bringing a 'competitor' for my domineering mum in-law. Father in-law dealing directly with a female helper, in my mum in-laws' house . Iko chida “I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 7/19/2013 Posts: 88
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Mukiri wrote:Rankaz13 wrote:Mukiri wrote:This diabetes is competing with cancer in finishing us Are there home-test kits? Test centers in/out of Nairobi? Apart from a few cases where it is either genetic or pregnancy-induced, diabetes is largely possible to keep at bay just by adopting a healthy lifestyle, such as managing your weight (watch BMI), eating healthy foods, keep a physically active lifestyle, etc. There're several tests for diabetes including RBS, FBS, OGTT and HbA1c. The RBS, which you can probably do at home, is more of a screening test. The rest are best done at the hospital level where thorough investigations can then be conducted. The biggest problem is that most of us have a casual approach to our health and only go to hospital when in pain. For instance, if you have malaria you'll probably have some fever, headache and joint-aches all of which will be uncomfortable enough to force you to go to hospital. On the other hand, diabetes is a bit more insidious and will rarely cause pain (except in advanced cases where organ failure begins to manifest) and for that reason most people tend to ignore the initial tell-tale signs and only go to hospital when it's too late. Some of the initial signs of diabetes are so non-specific that it's easy to dismiss them e.g the sweating, excessive urination (polyuria) and thirst (polydipsia). Thing is, please be vigilant with your health and do not neglect anything that is outside the norm. I'm not saying you should be a hypochondriac but it's better to be safe than sorry. Your health is actually your greatest asset, without it everything else that you own will be of not much benefit. Take good care of your body. You should also mention that diabetes affects the pine.. in a major way! There have been all sorts of landing problems here, passengers, njaa, being stressed by wives, only one chot, cheating, killer wives etc That should get people queuing for a test. Spoken like 1000 men! Didn't have much info about diabetes until this time. Its actually distressing seeing what comes with old age. As for pines and airports and landing, Mzee think is at a level where he just needs warmth. But you never know, he may at some point what to test his landing gear. But i agree, and imagining that diabetes can make my pine not rotate counterclockwise from the 30min mark to even the 15min mark, is too, too scary “I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/20/2009 Posts: 1,402
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i dont see how you could possibly take in your father in law and not have issues with the tyrrant Mom in law.
Unless you threaten bad publicity-if she is in politics?
Other wise I bet it would be in everyones interests if the whole clan is involved (if the immediate family cant agree) for the betterment of their kin. Ama Uite Maendeleo ya Wanaume..
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