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Weddings: The newest form of exploitation
Rank: Elder Joined: 3/18/2011 Posts: 12,069 Location: Kianjokoma
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@CLK, wewe ni socket? Btw u gave so much detail mpaka if that buddy of yours saw it they will identify you. That thing of guys becoming aloof is kawa...no calls even. You attend a guy's ruracio, comittee, wedding, give generously then when your time comes he doesn't attend any of your events! Never mind he is far richer during your wedding season.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 4/22/2010 Posts: 11,522 Location: Nairobi
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CLK wrote:what i hate most about this is those college friends who have not talked to you since you graduated, then they 'friend' you on facebook, go like 'you are so lost, we need to hook up for coffee' at this coffee date, the bomb shell is dropped, am getting married and i want you to be in my committee, i would prefer this 'am pregnant, and i want you to be my child's godmother/father.
Nowadays i wonder why anyone who ha snot bothered to look for me for the last 10 yrs wants us to meet for coffee or drinks out of the blue.
For women its even worse, you are in the wedding committee, will have to get her a gift for her bridal shower, then a hen's night at the penthouse at Hotel Sankara, then you are one of the maids, spend some money on specific shoes she wants her cousin to bring from UK, a dress that Omondi will stitch but will cost 8k, then a wedding gift, then come the baby, a baby shower, then you go visit the baby with flowers at the hospital and for every subsequent birthday, this one has a happy ending.....
There are those after the wedding who will disappear and 'unfriend' you on facebook, or stop talking to you and when you check, utaambiwa 'you know am married now, so i have to stay home and also hang around married people, my partner thinks single women/men will derail me.
Now i have horror stories abt committees, my friend bought a hse immediately after the honeymoon, i still pay rent . This one made a mistake of showing me a foto of the 248k seats they wanted to buy for their new house,i withdrew my pledge instantly, we do not talk.
Now since the initial cases of being used/conned i say outright i do not do wedding committees, suffice to say very few of those i say NO to send me the actual wedding invitation.
I hope and pray that when the time comes, i will fund my wedding fully together with my other half, else AG or the early morning thing, so help me God...
Better idea, while dating we save for the wedding religiously for one year, get hitched at the AG or in church with maid of honor and best man, then parents. Lunch for everyone and a few speeches. Hope onto a plane go for a honeymoon for a whole month with the savings, why would i want to feed masses that will end up criticizing how they only got Mchele na maharagwe at my wedding???
very true.. possunt quia posse videntur
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/25/2011 Posts: 2,103 Location: Nrb
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Lolest! wrote:@CLK, wewe ni socket? Btw u gave so much detail mpaka if that buddy of yours saw it they will identify you. That thing of guys becoming aloof is kawa...no calls even. You attend a guy's ruracio, comittee, wedding, give generously then when your time comes he doesn't attend any of your events! Never mind he is far richer during your wedding season. I always laugh when people use that word....but if she is,i forgive her for that meltdown on that thread about the fraudster. On matters weddings,the ceremonies are overrated and yes a lot of exploitation on all sides,the guy is exploited,the parents,workmates,the bride,friends,yaani stress.When i do my wedding,it will a simple but classy thing,no stress and since God has blassed me,i will finance everything(if things remain the way they are) I am happy
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Lolest! wrote:Rankaz13 wrote:Forester wrote:While at it, what is reasonable dowry to pay for a Meru chic according to their traditions? I know of a guy who's been asked for over 0.5M. Ata kama dowry haishangi...seriously?!!! For the record, I don't advocate for payment of dowry and I don't intend to. To me, this is just another form of culturally sanctioned extortion. pay the extortionists today but don't turn into one when your time as a girl's dad comes. Be the change you want to see. I intend to neither pay nor demand for it myself. It surely cannot be that the only reason we uphold some obscure cultural practices is because 'tulikuta kunafanywa hivyo', nope. Culture is itself dynamic, not static. Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/8/2009 Posts: 67
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2 Miles wrote:
Problem is ..... thats what some ladies want. This shows on TV are dangerous. They want their weddings to also appear on TV looking glamourous. No wonder some dudes look distraught.. You are spot on! If you are a dude dating such a lady, she is the wrong one for you! And if you go ahead and entertain such expectations, you will be in a stressful marriage. Ten years ago, my wedding cost us Ksh 70,000 which my First Lady and I jointly put together, over SEVERAL months (that gives you an idea of our economic situation). The moment I discussed with my First Lady (i.e no committee, just invite friends that we can feed from that amount, no expensive gowns, a simple ceremony in church and reception at same venue) and she said she believes in a wedding which she and her man have saved up for, I knew she was the ONE! Right now I can afford to take her to some fairly good holiday places (using what we have gathered from God's blessings and our sweat). In my view if two people are getting married, they should meet the cost of the whole thing. If you can afford 10K, very well. If you can afford 10M, do it - it is your money, just don't ask anybody to fork out a shilling. Ten years ago, it just was not possible for us to put together a shilling above 70K for a wedding (because we also had other priorities immediately following the ceremony). The "*friends*" who came for the wedding remarked how cheap everything was and what a shady wedding it was but the "TRUE FRIENDS" were okay with it and these guys have been a permanent feature of our married life since then. People forget. After that impressive show of a few hours on a Saturday, there are years and years of tough times and happy times.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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I see very one sided arguments here......Mutula died the other day and in minutes millions were collected for his burial.....it really depends on your crew (and I mean not the far fetched facebook friends).......if the individual is your crew I see no problem contributing to his need of the day....today he wants a wedding and then you talk the shyt guys are spewing here, what happens when the next day one of your folks needs an urgent medical attention and you have to fund raise?....be holisitic in your reasoning majamaa!!!! ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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McReggae wrote:I see very one sided arguments here......Mutula died the other day and in minutes millions were collected for his burial.....it really depends on your crew (and I mean not the far fetched facebook friends).......if the individual is your crew I see no problem contributing to his need of the day....today he wants a wedding and then you talk the shyt guys are spewing here, what happens when the next day one of your folks needs an urgent medical attention and you have to fund raise?....be holisitic in your reasoning majamaa!!!! You missed the boat by a river on this one. I wanna imagine, from the comments made here, no one will begrudge you that million-shilling wedding ceremony so long as you can afford it. The point is, don't expect us (or indeed your other acquaintances) to finance your ostentatious consumption. A wedding isn't an emergency after all, it is something one can plan, and therefore save towards. On matters to do with death and ill health, those are, by their nature almost always emergencies and therefore difficult to plan for. Even the best of health policies has its limits. Personally, I wouldn't mind contributing toward offsetting medical bills or to a bereaved family. Where I however draw the line (and many wazuans probably do too) is where our friends take advantage of that friendship to coerce me to contribute to what is, essentially, their dream. Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/8/2009 Posts: 67
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McReggae wrote:I see very one sided arguments here......Mutula died the other day and in minutes millions were collected for his burial.....it really depends on your crew (and I mean not the far fetched facebook friends).......if the individual is your crew I see no problem contributing to his need of the day....today he wants a wedding and then you talk the shyt guys are spewing here, what happens when the next day one of your folks needs an urgent medical attention and you have to fund raise?....be holisitic in your reasoning majamaa!!!! In my view, weddings which are above the means of the two love-birds are neither urgent nor do they fall in the category of medical emergencies. The parasitism that characterizes most of the wedding committees essentially amounts to using friends to fund symbolic luxuries. Willing contributions are OK but should not be expected or be the basis of funding 100% the wedding and especially when the 2 people getting married are not willing to even put something on the table i.e. kusindikizwa.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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qadaffi wrote:McReggae wrote:I see very one sided arguments here......Mutula died the other day and in minutes millions were collected for his burial.....it really depends on your crew (and I mean not the far fetched facebook friends).......if the individual is your crew I see no problem contributing to his need of the day....today he wants a wedding and then you talk the shyt guys are spewing here, what happens when the next day one of your folks needs an urgent medical attention and you have to fund raise?....be holisitic in your reasoning majamaa!!!! In my view, weddings which are above the means of the two love-birds are neither urgent nor do they fall in the category of medical emergencies. The parasitism that characterizes most of the wedding committees essentially amounts to using friends to fund symbolic luxuries. Willing contributions are OK but should not be expected or be the basis of funding 100% the wedding and especially when the 2 people getting married are not willing to even put something on the table i.e. kusindikizwa. Which type of friends do some people have yawa??? I agree you can't compare the two but do you think you will come yapping in wazua about your friends' weddings and then the so called friends will respond to your medical emergencies....the point for me is to choose and know you friends well...whatever the circumstances!!!! ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/11/2012 Posts: 5,222
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washiku wrote:...is in August, God willing. As they say, knowledge is power. If you have any advise, warnings, experiences worth sharing, or any other such; both for the wedding and for the marriage, please share... Judging from the comments herein, @Wamapisha is not getting anything from Wazua 
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