@lyra: I feel you. But I hope won't be too hard on you on this one. I think you were too proud at that time when this happened. Yes he lied (none-disclosure of important information) to you about other family. But there must have been a reason why he did that,he didn't know how to tell you. There must be a reason why he wants (i mean wanted) to take up another woman. But he didn't know how you would react to it if he told you! He must have realized his mistake,over-reacting and telling you to abort at first. Many men react this way,though they may not admit. But later they realize abortion is not the answer. I guess that's why he came back looking for you. He even sent his wife and you still could not believe him!! Society condems someone who's in need and able to take care of more than one woman. But silent when the same man lines up string of women or keep mistresses. It's double standards! Single men (like 2nd guy) are not necessarilly saints. Another thing,words like 'suicide' are not for you. You're beyond this nonsense. You're curved from different cloth as those primitive thinking people. So stop being careless with such words. AKS

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@lyra I dont think we should be discussing the first guy,although he did send his wife to ask to be a co wife. The bottom line is he cheated on his wife,lied to you about not having a wife you did the right thing to do away with him. Lets talk about the second guy,I reckon you got your decission right not to allow him back to your life after he neglected you and his flesh and blood cause of tribal thing. Didnt he know that you come from different tribes when he hooked up with you? of coz he did,but what happened with the posst election thingy shows you how shallow minded he is to have used the tribal clash thing to part company with you. He's definately not for you so go on with your life and look after your kids. If he wants to 'chip inn' for child support then fine he can credit your account with a few zeroos kila mwezi for his child upkeep then well and good. Then maybe you could allow him to see the babie or pay her visits. But this is very prerogative. Its you to decide,if you think you dont need his support for the upkeep then go ahead gal and live your life you'll meet someone else definately with time but this time round no more kids please until you get married or something that is if you/he wants a kid. Good luck girl,you dont need this shallow minded tribalist Jay

@mtaalam, Lol! my bad,didnt see when it was dated,but no worries,if she revisits the archives she might get an additional opinion. Peace Jay

@mtaalam You see what i meant,the sister came back @lyra, I'm happy to hear you got your grip on your life and you moving on,no one should hurt the other. In relationships we all want to be treated better and be happy thats what its all about at the end of the day. So if you aint happy then you just have to jump ship,no matter how difficult it might seem at that particular moment but its for the good in the long run. In other words its good to see beyond the horizon. People ought to know that,there are two things in life which if you dont find happiness in them,you wont find it elsewhere. They are namely 1. Marriage 2. Your Job/ Career The reason being,these two things live with you for a greater part of your life so if you aint happy in them you will never be. And with this Jamaa the way he really did behave i dont think he would have treated you any better if you had married him and you would have been stuck in deep misery cause of the nuptuals. Anyway,You will find some eventually and you'll be fine,good luck once again Jay