Lyra, You sound like those no-nonsense independent women.,...........i mean the karua's of this world. If my description is right,dont bother to look for advice. Move on with you life and fed for the kids. Mean while you'll find it rough on the sugarcane,and emotions department.,............ unless of course you hire to be serviced

I am sure the reason you have sent this post is because you still have some liking for this last guy. Be advised,when all reduced to zero,men will all be the same.Proceed with that understanding. The fact that all the two men have left irrespective of the flimsy excuses they give,there must be an underlying cause. The fact that this last chap wants back,my thinking is that there is something he likes about you(whatever it is)but it might not be enough to make him stay. My friend always says that marriage should make you happier.Don't enter marriage hoping for happiness-be first happy. Good luck to you though. A man is the best judge of his own situation

First,congratulations for keeping your babies despite not having a stable man in your life! thats respect for life right thuurr!. Am not sure i am the right person to give advise coz relationships have no experts.... but its good to understand that you can not have a child with a man to make him stay. if he is to leave you,it doesnt matter how many kids he has with you. if he is to stay,it doesnt matter whether you have a kid or not,he will stay. Now that you have your kids,and am sure,learnt your lessons,try not to get into the same situation where you get another baby in the name of 'binding' the two of you together... No one can really tell you what you should do with your life but Shaft has given you some good advise right there. If the man is not your husband,two kids are good enough. If he cant commit,dont commit. However,if you feel that you want your child to know her father,there is nothing stopping you from it. after all,she will never get another biological father,like it or not... Problem is,he might not have the same level of responsibility as you and he can get into the life of your daughters only to abandon them later when they have established a relationship with them which can be very traumatising to the kids by the way. The other thing is,your concern is how your kids will grow up without a father. would you rather have kids grow up with the character you mould in them of say responsibility or would you rather have a not-so-responsible 'father' for them to copy from? Whatever you do,realise that,if you take him back,you have an upper hand now so its you to take the relationship where you want. you want him for a husband,let him commit first,before you take him in. Alternatively,get a third man (dont know how easy it is) and let him be a husband before you get into another tangle. Some deals are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

@mozenrat: I think I want to side with you. Infact after reading your post,I wondered why I had missed the fact that lyra is the one who left the 1st guy. @lyra: sorry but I think the 2nd guy is crap. He's not mature,he does not know what he wants. The 1st guy knew what he wanted,yes he was married but he wanted another woman,he kept you well. You found out and you took off! Has this 1st guy found another woman? Do you talk? Find out this,once you know he's not hooked up somewhere else,be straight with him. Make sure he's honest and tell him what you want,ask him to commit the two things I told you in my earlier response. Be very careful not to start double dealing,not good. But drop the 2nd guy completely,no contact,no coffee dates,no jokes,no nothing... Let him realized what he lost.

@Lyra, the 1st man is still not good enough.someone who asks you to kill your lovely daughter and cheats he doesnt have a wife,Then you have not heard from him for 10 good years. The two are not worth your attention. ‘’1st had relationship with this guy whom i didnt know had wife in village,when i knew i left him only to realise i was pg after failed family planning,i kept it despite his repeated advise of abortion.’’