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Jinxed with relationships
Lyra
#1 Posted : Wednesday, February 25, 2009 12:55:00 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/25/2009
Posts: 56
Dear Skerians,pls just advise me as i am at my wits end and loosing my mind in all ways not only seeing my savings go down as the stocks plum but in my relationship too. I have 2 lovely gals,fathered by 2 different dads. 1st had relationship with this guy whom i didnt know had wife in village,when i knew i left him only to realise i was pg after failed family planning,i kept it despite his repeated advise of abortion. 10yrs later met another guy,had gud relationship even met his relas,since we both wanted a kid,got paged,after the elections due to tribalism he started avoiding me and we parted,that was the end,i went on with my life and supported myself and kids. He never apologised taking off or not financially supporting us. Now he hints like he wants a comeback but i want nothing to do with him,am i being selfish? It isnt fair for my kids to stay fatherless but am determined,he is not the best option in our lives. Pls advise!!!
'Do all the good you can,by all the means you can,in all the ways you can, in all the places you can,to all the people you can,as long as ever you can'. John Wesley English Preacher (1703-1791)
Jaina
#2 Posted : Wednesday, February 25, 2009 1:10:00 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 5/13/2008
Posts: 558
what advice are you seeking?. If you are determined that he is not the right man,nobody can convince you that he is. You have more or less made up your mind The chance of getting another un-married man to take care of your gals is diminishing very first. If i were you,i'd make ammends with the one who sired the second kid. The tribal card is complex though,but you can make it work if you want to.
The Real Shaft
#3 Posted : Wednesday, February 25, 2009 1:37:00 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 11/19/2008
Posts: 839
Lyra*..... I will be hard..... please forgive me..... lakini... it needs to be said...... the first was not a mistake as the second wasnt too..... if you had kept your legs together.... the married fella wont have made you 'paged'..... to begin with....... nor would you have encouraged the second...... if you want kids.... get them when you are in matrimony........ sawa..... now that you didnt listen to your parent(s)/guardian(s)..... you have this situation working its way into your history book....... we say... it is only a dog that eats its vomit...... the man who took off..... let him remain away from you and your kids....... he will bolt again..... look for a third man..... make him your hubby first...... traditional...... civil..... ama Kanisa....... then open your heart and body for him..... not before.... ama... as you stated....... you are not Einstein with family planning methods....... I'm the real Massey F.....shut your mouth
I'm the real Massey Fergu...... Shut your mouth....
mlefu
#4 Posted : Wednesday, February 25, 2009 1:44:00 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 2/11/2007
Posts: 1,680
Location: nairobi
Shaft..Ngai fafa... muthomi mugi aiikagia maitho kabere...
Jacy26
#5 Posted : Wednesday, February 25, 2009 1:57:00 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 6/26/2008
Posts: 365
I think this 2nd guy deserves a second chance. BUT only if he makes a commitment to the family and indeed after observing whether he is really making any efforts to change. Forgiveness is the key for any marriage/relationship to work. I will praise thee,O Lord my God,with all my heart: And I will glorify thy name forever more. Psalms 86:12
If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love - Maya Angelou
AlphDoti
#6 Posted : Wednesday, February 25, 2009 2:08:00 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/20/2008
Posts: 6,275
Location: Kenya
I think the 2nd guy deserves a second chance,benefit of doubt. But as somebody says,he must commit first. I hope you have not been seeing someone else inthe meantime while he was away. Beause this will affect his self-esteem and you loose his confidence. I like to advice like this: - establish and commit on respect for each other first - then agree on the expectation from each other i.e. what do you expect from me? After all,he has been eating sugarcane,and knows you better. AKS
sheri
#7 Posted : Wednesday, February 25, 2009 2:08:00 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 4/11/2007
Posts: 694
Stay with your two lovely gals. Otherwise the sooner you realise men are not diapers the better. You can' t change them. Huyu mwanaume atakupachapilia mtoto mwingine wa tatu. Unless you have an agenda i would rather you keep yourself busy with chama's and other women stuff Turn your clutter into cash! Find out how at: http://www.tripleclicks.com/9742052/go
Lyra
#8 Posted : Wednesday, February 25, 2009 2:09:00 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/25/2009
Posts: 56
@ shaft,thanks for your critism,i really dont mind the kids-they are lovely and give me reason to live. Pls note i had moved on with my life but he is the one that wants a come back,he says he wants to settle down fast. Am just not willing......Once bitten twice shy!!!!! I do forgive but if you decide to be inhuman and unfaithful its a bit difficult to expect a 100% change,when in the real sense he has shown no commitment towards the kid or any remorse
'Do all the good you can,by all the means you can,in all the ways you can, in all the places you can,to all the people you can,as long as ever you can'. John Wesley English Preacher (1703-1791)
eli
#9 Posted : Wednesday, February 25, 2009 2:16:00 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 6/17/2008
Posts: 294
Lyra my dear sister................. You are determined to keep the man away? Right? Now,how will you fullfill the desires of the flesh? If not,then I think,you should get a man, into your life! You have body desires just like all of us. You need an understanding men...........Talk to him...........on the possibility of having a family together............Then you can form family. Dont be too generous with kids,you can add only one. Ensure you talk about this! It would be perfect to remain single,but Paul the Apostle of Jesus Christ advices that you get hooked(marry),if you are overcome with passion. That you may not sin (unauthorised sugarcane). Be warned: Such men,are hard to come by: Men fear responsibility! Especially now that yours is a sofaset! Pray hard and our gracious Father will hear your prayers! But you shall remember the LORD your God,for it is He who is giving you power to make wealth,that He may confirm His covenant which He swore to your fathers,as it is this day. Deu 8:18
The Real Shaft
#10 Posted : Wednesday, February 25, 2009 2:18:00 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 11/19/2008
Posts: 839
Lyra*... then bite the bullet... ignore him with costs...... and look for a third... if you are good natured.... curvy...... with a muscle between the ears... you shall not miss out... utapata wako...... I'm the real Massey F.....shut your mouth
I'm the real Massey Fergu...... Shut your mouth....
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