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Why so many marriages are in crisis
streetwise
#41 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 2:42:25 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 6/23/2011
Posts: 1,740
Location: Nairobi
Ever wondered why our grad fathers used to marry many wives.

One was for cheap labour, women use to dig, carry, cook etc. Then since these were laborers as the guy grew older he would marry a young girl who he believed would take care of him...Any social scientist to explain to us this phenomenon.

livie
#42 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 3:13:01 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/1/2008
Posts: 834
Proverbs 25:24

New International Version (NIV)

24 Better to live on a corner of the roof
than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
If you are going to be thinking only one thing, you might as well be thinking big. -Donald J . Trump
rryyzz
#43 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 3:49:15 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 5/19/2012
Posts: 552
d'oh! d'oh!
marex wrote:
The thing is: Women are trying hard to catch up

Earn like a man
Rave like a man
Drink like a m
Be bosy like a man
Cheat like a man


Simply, Women have become men!!


Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.... Leo Buscaglia
faa
#44 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 8:25:45 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 5/8/2007
Posts: 709
As a man,you need to realize many of these women we have nowadays are not marriageable.they aren't wife material

Don't waste your time with them. Don't entertain them

All you need in this life is one woman.
Sansa
#45 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 9:05:28 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 3/19/2013
Posts: 344
Ah! It sounds like the fault has been placed squarely on the woman's shoulders! The way I see it, there are many men who have a roving eye and will tend to always look for a "better" version of what they already have (younger/prettier/more successful ... or naive depending on the man). They take their partner for granted (and she become resentful). They might be sexually selfish (so she looks elsewhere for satisfaction).
Mukiri
#46 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 11:29:08 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/11/2012
Posts: 5,222
essyk wrote:
@ big chick,at the old wazees meeting.smile

@ shak,ur stats below.
Quote:
Divorce cases filed at Milimani are drawn from Christian marriages. In 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 and 2005, the number of divorce cases filed at Milimani were 101, 115, 206, 296 and 295 respectively. In 2007 and 2008, the numbers rose to 357 and 369.

Hundreds of couples are seeking legal advice, with some law firms handling as high as 26 cases, and others up to 50 cases, in a year

On average, the registrar of marriages at the Attorney General’s office records about 174 civil marriages in a month, basing on the statistics of January to May 2008, when they had 697 ceremonies and 925 from January to May, 2009.



Mukiriiiii!!Sad say something.
Is pre nup a sin?? cz I fully support it.



I'm no authority my dear.Gertrude Mungai suggest a 'sexual agreement' where you both write your expectations.

I find it sad that people so much effort to read and study towards career progression and not put the same effort into marriage. @livie mentioned TD Jakes, there is 'Men are from Mars Women Venus'(and also the bedroom version by same author), 'Laugh your way to a better marriage' and most importantly 'The Bible'!

Proverbs 19:21
rryyzz
#47 Posted : Tuesday, May 28, 2013 7:50:12 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 5/19/2012
Posts: 552
Mukiri wrote:
essyk wrote:
@ big chick,at the old wazees meeting.smile

@ shak,ur stats below.
Quote:
Divorce cases filed at Milimani are drawn from Christian marriages. In 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 and 2005, the number of divorce cases filed at Milimani were 101, 115, 206, 296 and 295 respectively. In 2007 and 2008, the numbers rose to 357 and 369.

Hundreds of couples are seeking legal advice, with some law firms handling as high as 26 cases, and others up to 50 cases, in a year

On average, the registrar of marriages at the Attorney General’s office records about 174 civil marriages in a month, basing on the statistics of January to May 2008, when they had 697 ceremonies and 925 from January to May, 2009.



Mukiriiiii!!Sad say something.
Is pre nup a sin?? cz I fully support it.



I'm no authority my dear.Gertrude Mungai suggest a 'sexual agreement' where you both write your expectations.

I find it sad that people so much effort to read and study towards career progression and not put the same effort into marriage. @livie mentioned TD Jakes, there is 'Men are from Mars Women Venus'(and also the bedroom version by same author), 'Laugh your way to a better marriage' and most importantly 'The Bible'!
@Mukiri, totally agree with you. If the man & woman,would put as much effort in their marriage as they put in their MBA's, their career progression etc and stop being selfish, then I guess we'd have fewer of these cases.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.... Leo Buscaglia
Shak
#48 Posted : Tuesday, May 28, 2013 8:02:15 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 2/22/2009
Posts: 2,449
Location: Africa
Sansa wrote:
Ah! It sounds like the fault has been placed squarely on the woman's shoulders! The way I see it, there are many men who have a roving eye and will tend to always look for a "better" version of what they already have (younger/prettier/more successful ... or naive depending on the man). They take their partner for granted (and she become resentful). They might be sexually selfish (so she looks elsewhere for satisfaction).

Mine was not to blame the woman but to show that society has created a new breed of woman which the man is ill prepared to handle
essyk
#49 Posted : Tuesday, May 28, 2013 10:17:08 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 11/15/2011
Posts: 4,518
Shak wrote:

Mine was not to blame the woman but to show that society has created a new breed of sheman and hewoman who are ill prepared to handle each other

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
2012
#50 Posted : Wednesday, May 29, 2013 8:10:09 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 12/9/2009
Posts: 6,592
Location: Nairobi
Marriages are in crisis because nobody knows their role anymore. Women are not getting attention and men are not getting respect at home.

BBI will solve it
:)
symbols
#51 Posted : Friday, June 14, 2013 10:16:59 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 3/19/2013
Posts: 2,552
@AlphDoti - Both men and women are prone to sexual desire.A monogamous marriage is difficult enough without cheating.An increase in the number of women a man is dedicated to means that the women will inevitably be forced to share his time.Won't this directly affect infidelity of the women?
maka
#52 Posted : Sunday, July 07, 2013 9:39:01 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 4/22/2010
Posts: 11,522
Location: Nairobi
(i) How does a lady whose due to be married in December spend the weekend out of town with a married man and expect her wedding to be good and life smooth...
(ii) How does a man whose back after his honeymoon,take a lady who knows he,z newly married to a workmates place for a round of banging...then expect his marriage to work.
possunt quia posse videntur
safariant
#53 Posted : Sunday, July 07, 2013 9:42:15 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 9/9/2010
Posts: 784
Location: ant hill - red hill
maka wrote:
(i) How does a lady whose due to be married in December spend the weekend out of town with a married man and expect her wedding to be good and life smooth...
(ii) How does a man whose back after his honeymoon,take a lady who knows he,z newly married to a workmates place for a round of banging...then expect his marriage to work.



Pole bro, hizi vitu hufanyika. Si mwisho wa maisha.
The greatest act of bravery is chancing a fart while suffering from diarrhoea
sheri
#54 Posted : Sunday, July 07, 2013 10:05:08 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 4/11/2007
Posts: 694
it is because men are no longer behaving like real men.
murchr
#55 Posted : Sunday, July 07, 2013 10:14:03 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 2/26/2012
Posts: 15,980
Its because most men marry to please society (family, friends etc) and not themselves. Marry for your own happiness. Truth is there are so many trophy wives these days
"There are only two emotions in the market, hope & fear. The problem is you hope when you should fear & fear when you should hope: - Jesse Livermore
.
Drobos fly
#56 Posted : Sunday, July 07, 2013 11:58:17 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 4/24/2012
Posts: 331
Location: Vantage point
The key reasons are:-
-No one really knows what they were saying when they were taking marriage vows, they were just parroting only for reality to hit hard during the marriage.
-Couples may be to proud to see their own err and are quick to point fingers.
-Selfishness (you got into the marriage so that it fits you and not work together progressively).
-Severe decay..... infact Kenyans now have radioactive morals bad enough to cause mutation just by hanging out with one with such decayed morals
CLK
#57 Posted : Monday, July 08, 2013 12:06:44 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 4/1/2009
Posts: 846
sheri wrote:
it is because men are no longer behaving like real men.


Totally agree, most men want the easy way out. The village that i grew up in had only one drunkard and he was known, now our fathers did not drink and pee on themselves and walk home at wee hours of the morning, sleep the whole day on Saturday and go back to the pub, disappear from their homes for days, atleast it was known where they were incase they had other wives. they respected their families.
Now we have a new breed of men who actually think its okay to disrespect their wives, doggy as much, even beat them up. and that makes you a man?
There is not a single day my dad went to the shamba, but all assets in the home were under his name, the kids will pluck tea etc and he would earn the money, he was still respected as the head of the home, i can tell that all my fees was paid by mum through my dad.
She is the one who tilled the land and milked the cows, my dad gave orders, orders that we respected even when we did not like them, that said you can bet who gets a cheque from me every month, dad still is the head of the house.
Women nowadays define a man by how much he earns, what car he drives, and what they call 'swag'
that said, hakuna mwanaume/mwanamke mzuri huwachwa, find the one that is right for you, marry a friend, someone whom when the money runs out, you can live happily in Kibera and not resent each other.

InnovateGuy
#58 Posted : Monday, July 08, 2013 1:04:31 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/15/2012
Posts: 1,110
Drobos fly wrote:
The key reasons are:-
-No one really knows what they were saying when they were taking marriage vows, they were just parroting only for reality to hit hard during the marriage.
-Couples may be to proud to see their own err and are quick to point fingers.
-Selfishness (you got into the marriage so that it fits you and not work together progressively).
-Severe decay..... infact Kenyans now have
radioactive morals bad enough to cause mutation just by hanging out with one with such decayed morals


I could not have said it any better.

Live Full Die Empty - Les Brown.
InnovateGuy
#59 Posted : Monday, July 08, 2013 1:07:20 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/15/2012
Posts: 1,110
CLK wrote:
sheri wrote:
it is because men are no longer behaving like real men.


Totally agree, most men want the easy way out. The village that i grew up in had only one drunkard and he was known, now our fathers did not drink and pee on themselves and walk home at wee hours of the morning, sleep the whole day on Saturday and go back to the pub, disappear from their homes for days, atleast it was known where they were incase they had other wives. they respected their families.
Now we have a new breed of men who actually think its okay to disrespect their wives, doggy as much, even beat them up. and that makes you a man?
There is not a single day my dad went to the shamba, but all assets in the home were under his name, the kids will pluck tea etc and he would earn the money, he was still respected as the head of the home, i can tell that all my fees was paid by mum through my dad.
She is the one who tilled the land and milked the cows, my dad gave orders, orders that we respected even when we did not like them, that said you can bet who gets a cheque from me every month, dad still is the head of the house.
Women nowadays define a man by how much he earns, what car he drives, and what they call 'swag'
that said, hakuna mwanaume/mwanamke mzuri huwachwa, find the one that is right for you, marry a friend, someone whom when the money runs out, you can live happily in Kibera and not resent each other.



Well-said.
Live Full Die Empty - Les Brown.
xyzee
#60 Posted : Monday, July 08, 2013 7:55:28 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 1/9/2009
Posts: 1,262
c&p from my pastor

man is king by design, as a lady you ought to make a king out of your man and he will make you his queen. Try being a King and the man will never be your queen.

There can never be 2 kings in one kingdom....
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