The story @gesowan shared the other day struck a cord in me and since I didn't want to hijack his topic I will start a new one.

Me: Mid 20’s, Full time student + full time job in sales, financially independent and living firmly within my merger means.

Him: Late 20’s, Business Analyst, perpetually broke, traditionalist.

Prior to my relationship with this man, I believed that domestic violence was an extremely passionate act in that, the batterer could not think or control themselves at all during the act. I came to find out how naïve that thought was after dating a seemingly normal man for over a year.

Argument #1: Started over nothing. Really. By the end of it all, I’d had a drink poured over my head, been spat on, hit, kicked and had things thrown at me. It left me stunned to the core and it destroyed everything I’d ever felt for the guy. This first fight fit in perfectly with my idea of domestic violence at the time. Seeing that thought come to life was terrifying since it looked like the man was deranged. From beginning to end, the incident lasted approx 5hrs if not more. The following morning he woke up and acted like everything was normal while I on the other hand was emotionally and physically exhausted. I packed the few things I had at his place and went home. He later apologized profusely of course and after a few weeks we got back together even though I had not forgiven nor forgotten. I was however, alert!

Argument #2: Came about two months later and it started because of his insecurities about my male friends. I tried to avoid it but I couldn’t. There was no stopping the guy when he was on the war path. This time though, I was not going to be a mere punching bag so I started hitting him back … only I was fighting like a girl, punches landing everywhere they might. After a few of those the guy had the presence of mind to say …

“Hit where it won’t show!”

All this while he was pounding my head on the floor! Surely, the man was this close to killing me yet he wanted me to avoid his face!? Well, the moment he brought his precious face close I took a nice big bite of his lip and held on. That fight ended with him rushing to look at the damage in the bathroom mirror while asking me how he was going to go to work the following Monday.

I can’t say that was my finest moment but that was the last moment for me with him.

Now you ask why wait until the second incident to leave him? It wasn’t for his money since he was always broke and the extra-curricular activities were just okay so no, it wasn’t that either. I also had other men who were interested in me at the time so I wasn’t in a “desperate” position. I think I was stupefied by the absurdity of the whole situation. For some time I felt like I was having an out of body experience. This was a man I’d thought I loved and he had not only beaten me up while leaving my face intact (that still amazes me) but he also poured a drink on me and spat on me and yet expected me to love him! That was just too damn fascinating, I just had to stay a while and study the “case”.

The sad thing is man’s parents were present during the initial part of the first incident and neither one tried to intervene. The mom witnessed her son abusing someone’s daughter yet she had the audacity to call me numerous times begging me to give her son more time. She’d tell me that these things happen (not in my family they don't) and say that he was trying so hard to be better man. All I knew was that if I ended up married into that family I would be very much alone and very dead, very soon. The man is married now and each time I read a DV story I wonder how his wife is faring.

What an inspiring story @Tara, because of its outcome and your courage. You've made me understand that abuse can be love gone wrong, much like an accident or ailment.

What a beauty the way you handled it, you overcame your greatest fear and made God proud as Marianne Williamson would testify http://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/18961/337.html

Always remember...

Thanks for sharing

Wao! this is the best outcome i have heard of a domestic abuse case in years! you are a woman of substance many thanks for sharing. I hope many more will learn from this story and leave the mutating beasts before they get too violent and kill them
I am not sure I would be brave enough to just leave if I were to ever get beaten, I would however spend every waking moment plotting how to off the bastard and leave the least evidence if any for police to find.

@gesowan make a date, might help...

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A Private Storm
#AfricaMagic

Sunday 12 May 2013 22:00 | AfricaMagic
Entertainment (151)
http://www.dstv.com/Highlights/A%20Private%20Storm/79754

Alex and Gina seemed to be the perfect couple, but as the saying goes “all that glitters is not gold”. He appears to be every woman’s dream, a prince charming with a beautiful fiancée to boot.

But when his jealousy takes control, his anger causes him to go on the rampage like a lion, resulting in him abusing his fiancée if any man gets too close.



Starring
Ramsey Nouah
Omotola Jalade Ekeinde
John Dumelo

@mukiri: I should have after the first incident but I was in shock. If I had called them after the second one they might have hauled me to jail instead and of course there was pressure from his mother not to do so. I hear he went for some anger management sessions for a while but I don't know if they were of any help.

@kimiri: I can assure you that this was not a simple case of having a "bad mood" I have been in other relationships prior and post that one and know how to handle a normal disagreement or bad mood. Sometime during the happy times of our relationship I had said something about never going to bed angry and this man took that statement literally - according to him, we needed to resolve things before anyone slept or left and unfortunately for me there was nothing I could say or do that would please him, stop him or reason with him. I also didn't have my car and he had thrown my phone out and walking was out of question as he lived in a remote place.

I used to be one of those women who claimed that they'd do all kinds of things if they found themselves in that kind of a situation. Let me tell you that talking about it and experiencing it are two very different things. I have never shared this story with my friends and I am not sure if they were aware of what had happened. I have also never heard anyone speak of their experience mostly we hear other people saying what they would do or ask why someone didn't do abc and that is why I decided to share my story.

Asante - nimepoa. This was a few years ago so it's well in my past.

@gesowan, I couldn't comment on your thread here:

http://wazua.co.ke/forum...sts&t=24094&p=4



Ask your friend to watch this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3DKGL4-Vfg

This story was on KTN yesterday.

Man stabbed his wife 4 times and left her for dead. She recovered. He then followed her from her bus stage on her way to work, poured petrol on her and lit her up. She recovered with horrendous deformities to her arms and face. Man got 10 years at Kamiti and he is soon to be released. I bet he's going to kill her this time round.

Speaking as a child who was raised in a family where my father routinely beat my mother, I am so glad you ended that relationship before it went further. I think my mother kept hoping it will end and it never did. And when children are born, somehow people rationalize staying in a bad marriage "for the sake of the kids"
I hope you get/are married to a man who treats you with respect. No woman should ever have to be beaten - it is that simple. There is no excuse whatsoever to beat a spouse. People forget what impact it has on children born in such marriage. It's daily fear, uncertainty, loathing the next incident (and knowing it will still happen) and wondering why your family can't be normal. You should be proud of yourself because you may just have spared your offspring many nights of desperation.
I am sorry for airing my issues here (on your thread) but I am just so glad that there is a woman, somewhere, who put a stop to it before it went further!