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Rank: Veteran Joined: 12/8/2009 Posts: 975 Location: Nairobi
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washiku wrote:dunkang wrote:washiku wrote:BEST ADVICE EVER!
Hi :- I am a lady aged 26, I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home, I drove for just about 2Km from home my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back 2 go n pack the car at home , when I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid, I don’t know what to do now please help me.
BEST REPLY:- Over heating of engine after such short distance ca...n be caused by problems associated with the radiator, u need to check oil and water level in your engine before u start your journey , u must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in future hope this will help!!! Oh one more thing if it does happen.. Do not go back home call your Insurance! Hii sasa imeshinda Bangi Hehehe...the advisor must have been a man. He just missed the point. He was just thought the problem was with the car coz he could not see any problem with the other issue  You will know that you have arrived when money and time are not mutually exclusive "events" in you life!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/2/2011 Posts: 4,818 Location: -1.2107, 36.8831
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#thiefted OMONDI: Sweetie, mimi unataka kuja kutembelea wewe leo. WAMBU: Karibu sana my dear. OMONDI: Wewe ninaisii wapi? WAMBUI: (gives direction)...Ukifika kwa main gate, sukuma gate na mguu halafu uingie. Halafu ukifika kwa mlango ya nyumba finya bell ya number 14 na elbow. Nitakufungulia. OMONDI: Sawa sweetie. But why am I using my legs and elbow? Si mimi unawesa kutumia mkono changu? WAMBUI: Aiiii! Kwani unakuja mkono mtupu??? Nkt! Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you.” ― Rashi
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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 Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2009 Posts: 2,375
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C&P Quote:Hi admin, naitwa Dorothy kutoka
Kangundo Kawethei.Jana
nilichinja
kuku na nikapikia watoto na
mama
yangu.Bwanangu alipofika
baadaye,
nilimpakulia shingo, paja na
tumatumbo kidogo twa kuku.
Alikasirika na akapiga chakula
teke.Akasema ninamdharau sana
na
akanichapa mbele ya watoto na
mamangu.
Leo asubuhi amenipeleka kwa
wazee
wa kijiji yaani traditional
court .Niliambiwa hata kama
napika
sifai kuguza mapaja mgongo na
mbavu. Nikauliza kama mimi na
watoto tunafaa kula kichwa na
rasa,
nikaambiwa nimekosea wazee
heshina na since mamangu
hakunifunza mimi nayeye
tumepewa
punishment ya kufagia kijiji nzima
kwa wiki tatu.
Je inastahili wanawake wasile
kuku? It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt...
-Mark Twain
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/26/2008 Posts: 2,097
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C & P Mike Sonko just wrote on Mutula Kilonzo's wall. "Niaje mtu nguyaz. Siku mob jo, I hope hakuna beef. Btw my learned friend, hiyo number ya Kethi Diana niaje?" *Oraro and 65 others like this.* Kutuny Comments: Manze sonko jo! Umeamua round hii ni wasomi. Unadaisha kumvutia nangos? Wazi wazi, alafu mi pia unikumbuke. SONKO: Kutuny we nawe na sheng zingine za stone age! Ebu toa ufala na ushamba hapa, nabonga na wosomi. KUTUNY: Ooo, ni hivyo? SHEBESH: *Ahem!* MUTULA: We Kioko Mbuvi, who told you my daughter is for hooligans? WAITITU: Pwahahahaha, ati hoorigans!! Sonko si uangukie Shebesh manzi wa nai ka mutula anaringa hivyo? PASARIS: Ati manzi wa nai? Mscheeeeeew! MURUNGI: Hehe, aki Mutura (Mutula) si una matusi! Mwabie anyemeree Shebesh. KABOGO: Tihihihi. Murungi ni 'MUTULA,' si 'MUTURA.' Mutura ni ile sousage ya ma sufferers ka akina Waititu. Hehe, KUNG'OA NAYO! Murungi: @Kabogo kung'oa NI WEWE!! Pedra (pedler) wewe! SONKO: Enyewe hii story ilikua yangu na Mutush (mutula,) sijui nyi nae mmetokea shimo gani? MARY KIBAKI: @Sonko kwani mliachana na Chebech (Shebesh)? ROREST! MURUNGARU: Kweli hapa watu wana chida ya matamchi. @Mary na Murungi sijataja majina yenyu msinimeze. KETHI KILONZO: @Sonko una degree ama masters ngapi? Ama we pia una zile degree za Punjab University huko India? *Kidero and Orengo like this.* PETER KENNETH: @Kethi ebu niflash...0722... #Mike Sonko removes post.# "Never regret, if its good, its wonderful. If its bad, its experience."
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Rank: Elder Joined: 9/23/2009 Posts: 8,083 Location: Enk are Nyirobi
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@Tebes lmao... Life is short. Live passionately.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 9/23/2009 Posts: 8,083 Location: Enk are Nyirobi
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washiku wrote:Husband : Why did you give so much money to the beggar who was pretending to be blind?
Wife : Didn't you hear his good words to me?
Husband : No, what did he say?
Wife : He said that I was so kind, so pretty and so young.
Husband : Oh, I see. He's really blind Life is short. Live passionately.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/27/2010 Posts: 262
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C & P A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.Old cock to Young cock: "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity. Young cock: What do you mean? As far as I know, you are old & should be retired.Old cock : Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can't I help you with some? Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them are mine.Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition & if I win you shall allow me to have one hen & if I lose you will have all by yourself.Young cock: OK. What kind of competition? Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off & when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds. Suddenly, Bang.....!Before he could overtake the oldcock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed,........ "Hell!!!! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week." Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today!
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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A young couple(Mr & Mrs Karanja) that had been driving for hours decided to stop over at Sarova Stanley hotel for a night.they made an agreement that they would pay in the morning since the atm's were down. The man woke up early,collected money from the atm and went back to get ready for the journey ahead. when checkin out,they were shocked to get a bill of Kshs 50000. the man requestd to see the manager immediately. when he came down,the manager explained that they owned world class swiming pools, 3D cinema, best circus in southern africa, best jaccuzi's, 5star meals, limo rides around town and many other types of entertainment which are available to all customers. Angry, the man shouted "but i did not use any of those things". the manager looked at him and said "thats not my problem, they were here and u could have used them". After arguing for 5 more minutes, the man counted Kshs 1000 and gave it to the manager. Shocked, the manager said "this is only Kshs 1000, where is the other Kshs 49000?" The man smiled and said,"i charge Kshs 49000 for sleeping with my wife". Angry, the manager screamed, "but i didnt sleep with your wife". The man looked at him and calmly said "well, thats not my problem sir, she was here and you could have!!"
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/2/2011 Posts: 4,818 Location: -1.2107, 36.8831
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#thiefted At Jomo Kenyatta International Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Githu Muigai said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the police with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, " Githu Muigai said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle." When asked to comment on the arrest,President Kenyatta said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you.” ― Rashi
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/11/2007 Posts: 1,680 Location: nairobi
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Quote:"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, " Githu Muigai said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle." ...classic.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/11/2012 Posts: 5,222
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 7,081 Location: Kenya
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Here is a Kenyan MPs breakfast!!! 
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 7,081 Location: Kenya
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POLICE: Where do you live ?
Balotelli : With my parents
POLICE : Where does your parents
live ?
Balotelli : With me
POLICE: Where do you all live?…
Balotelli: Together
POLICE : Where is your house?
Balotelli : Next to my neighbours
house
POLICE : Where is your
neighbour’s house ?
Balotelli: If I tell you, you won’t
believe me
POLICE: Tell me
Balotelli: Next to my house.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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There was a tedious four-day trial at which a defendant stoutly maintained his innocence. On the fourth day he suddenly decided to plead guilty. The judge angrily inquired, "Why didn't you plead guilty right at the start and save us all this time, trouble, and cost?" "Honest, Judge," whined the defendant, "I was convinced I was innocent until I heard all the evidence against me. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/1/2008 Posts: 834
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Moses and the Plagues Moses was sitting in the Egyptian ghetto. Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn't even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up. Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above: "You, Moses, heed me ! I have good news, and bad news." Moses was staggered. The voice continued: "You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel from bondage. If Pharaoh refuses to release your bonds, I will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs" "You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to the Promised Land. If Pharaoh blocks your way, I will smite Egypt with a plague of Locust." "You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to freedom and safety. If Pharaoh's army pursues you, I will part the waters of the Red Sea to open your path to the Promised Land." Moses was stunned. He stammered, "That's.... that's fantastic. I can't believe it! --- But what's the bad news?" "You, Moses, must write the Environmental Impact Statement." If you are going to be thinking only one thing, you might as well be thinking big. -Donald J . Trump
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/19/2013 Posts: 2,552
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Wah,haven't laughed like this in a long time.
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Rank: Hello Joined: 4/18/2013 Posts: 1
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 7,081 Location: Kenya
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