@Mchanganuzi you are one selfish, proud, lazy chap who lacks self control. I want to remove my belt and whack you one straight on your neck right below the Kisogo.
Did you count the number of “I” in your post. You believe and want us to believe you are a “nice guy” and the world and everyone around you owes you love and happiness. Don’t you know your girl is a direct mirror of yourself! The definition of Love: “To seek the utmost good of another”
You need wisdom so learn. If you want the marriage to work out for you simply “BE NICE TO THE GIRL”. Let me explain in 3 principals as logically and simply for any man to understand.
1) Earn Bonga Points.
For every good deed you do to the girl, you will earn 1 and only 1 point. Examples:
Making the Bed = 1 point
Buying flowers = 1 point
Building a family home = 1 point
Preparing Kids for school = 1 point
Buying her a new car = 1 point
Listening to her issues = 1 point
Removing the Trash = 1 point
Taking her out for lunch/dinner = 1 point
Coming home early = 1 point
(etc… etc… )
The more bonga points the faster you will reach the redeeming period in which the heavens shall be open to you. Each day try to make 10 points now that you know every good deed to the girl is just 1 point.
2) Its all about communication
95% of marriage is all about communication. Isn’t that (hopefully) what you were doing when you were dating… texting …calling.
If you lost the skills here is the trick to make a Girl talk and feel loved. Simply repeat the last two words in a question format.
Eg:
Girl: today I saw a black cat
Boy: really you saw a black cat?
Girl: yes it was a black cat with three legs.
Boy: Hmmm….. a black cat with three legs?
(and it goes on and on and on)
Be sure to appear interested and give full ATTENTION, with time you will be an expert, NEVER try to SOLVE her issues just listen and sympathise. If you need more training Eliza the computer chatbot can give you more communication skills.
http://nlp-addiction.com/eliza/3) The art of negotiations
The good book in 1 Corinthians 7:28 talks tells us that “…those who marry will face many troubles in this life” When it reaches a stalemate here is how to solve it.
- Which side of the party is most concerned? i.e. the issue is a big mountain to them.
- The side that is less concerned should give up their rights for the other party
If the issues is a mountain to both parties at which neither side is willing to give up their rights (which is selfish) then there must be negotiations to find a neutral ground and that will mean both parties will have to “lose some win some”.
Tip: Never accuse the other party because it puts the other party in Defence Mode, so always say “If I were you, I would….” Instead of “It was you who…..”
Also, As a Leader of the home be skillful on how you manage issues and arguments. Here is how you can easily win.
A) Allow the other party to make their point and do not disagree with it even though you do. (This will ensure the other party is not in Defence mode)
B) Logically analyse their points then Poke Holes into their proposal to make it unworkable then gracefully and logically bring the alternative which is your side of things. More often than not they will agree with you or even suggest your alternative
@Mchanganuzi I challenge you to do the above for 21 days straight, which will probably be the hardest thing you ever get to do in this life on earth then I guarantee you will be amazed at the results. Fake it until you make it, at first the girl will sneer, probably contempt but keep at it. She will gradually change to mirror you, then you will be amazed what jewel you have.
“BE NICE TO THE GIRL” and marriage will suddenly be the most wonderful times. I know because I LOVE IT.
