Why men shouldn't write advice columns,
Dear John,
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled, and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husbands help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbours daughter.
I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbours daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When i confornted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair for the past 6 months. He won't go to counselling, and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila,

Dear Sheila,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is debris in the fuel line. If it is clear check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps,
John!!!!

he he he
that jonny need some spanking.

Seriously, this Jonnie needs spanking

A LETTER HOME FROM COLLEGE

Dear Mum and Dad:

Since I left for college I haven't written to you and i am sorry for
my thoughtlessness. I will bring you up to
date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You should not to read
further if you are not sitting down, okay?

Well, then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the
concussion I got when I jumped out of my dormitory window when it was
on fire shortly after my arrival here is pretty well healed now. I only
spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only
get those sick headaches once a day. Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory,
and my jump, were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm,
and he was the one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance. He
also visited me in the hospital and since I had nowhere to live because of
the burnt dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment
with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very
cute boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married.
We haven't got the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins
to show.

Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward
to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the
same love, devotion and tender care you gave me when i was a child. The
reason for our marriage delay is that my boyfriend has a minor
infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests and i
carelessly caught it from him. I know that you will welcome him into our
family with open arms. He is kind and, although not well educated, he is
ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, i know
you have alot of tolerance and you will not be bothered by that.

Now that I have brought you up to date, i want to tell you that there was
no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, i was not
in the hospital, i am not pregnant, i am not engaged, i am not infected,
and there is no boyfriend. However, i am getting a "D" in History,
and an "F" in Chemistry and i wanted you to see those marks in their proper
perspective.


Your loving daughter,
Sharon

Husband & wife - Love your enemy

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after i die,
i want you to marry Johnny."
"Johnny! But he is your enemy!"
"Yes, I know that. I've suffered all these years; so let him suffer now."

End month