Euronglish
The European Commission for an European language has announced English as the official language in the continent at the expense of German,French and Spanish. The commission however had to reach a consensus on the official format of written English as the current format is said by many to be unnecessarily wordy. As part of the negotiations,her majesty’s government has conceded that English spelling has some room for improvement and needs streamlining which would see almost all words reduced by half in size.
Oxford University professors of English however have outlined five phases in revolutionizing the language so that it acquires an European touch.
The language,after the five year plan,will be called Euronglish. The first year will see ‘s’ replacing the soft ‘c’. Sertainly,this will make the sivil servants jump up with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favor of ‘k’. This will see the ‘c’ key exit the keyboard and reduse konfusion of ‘c’ and ‘s’.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ is shown the door by ‘f’. This will shorten ‘ph’ words sush as ‘fotograf’,‘graf’ and ‘ fase’ by 20%.
In the third year. Publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters,whish have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also,al wil agre that the horrible mes of the silent ‘e’s in the language is disgraseful,and they should go away.
By the fourth year,peopl wil be reseptiv to steps sush as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ wiz ‘v’. During ze fifz year,ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be knokd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and similar shanges vuld of kurs be applied to ozer kombinations of leters.
After ze fifz year,ve vil hav a realy sensibl vriting styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and al vil find it easy tu understand eash ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINLY KUM TRU AND EUROP VIL FINALY BE UNITD LIK SVINS.
Take one step at a time.