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Involve Your Spouse In financial Decision Making
Rank: Elder Joined: 4/30/2008 Posts: 6,029
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S.Mutaga III wrote:tuvok wrote:+1 on @Young's advice. I am married. I always go out of my way to ensure that our finances are transparent. Note that I said *our*.
Wife and I decided that long ago. It's part of trusting each other. i may be young (21)but I wont see a wazuan fail where I could have advised...I have elder sisters who I overhear saying "pesa zake ni zetu na zangu ni zangu"...their husbands think financial matters are transparent...just open one bank a/c with another bank and start depositing some cash regularly...and thank me later. which county do you come from?
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Rank: User Joined: 5/3/2011 Posts: 559
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Since I cannot comment on political issues, I just have to comment here! First, do not be competely honest with any partner on your finances unless you want to be carrying reciepts for every purchase. If you are talking about how much you pay for rent and electricity, thats fine you can share that with her/him.
Everyone is entitle to their money, marriage do not change that. As long as you find a working arrangements to pay for the shared bills and save for the future, everyone should keep their money separate, the thinking that you can stand infront of a pastor/priest and suddenly someone has unlimited access to your hard earned money is somehow stupid, your mom or dad don't even have such access!
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/12/2010 Posts: 474 Location: Nairobi
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tuvok wrote:+1 on @Young's advice. I am married. I always go out of my way to ensure that our finances are transparent. Note that I said *our*.
Wife and I decided that long ago. It's part of trusting each other. Experience is very expensive but some people insist on trying everything. Keep it simple
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Rank: User Joined: 6/18/2009 Posts: 271
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I donot mean to be rude or anything BUT and i mean B-U-T if your spouse reached form four or was a high school dropout what reason does he have to meddle in the families finance ????????
this is where you should think TWICE about marry uneducated spouse . situations of finances cannot be risked because you "fell in love" look beyond love and see if the one you are marrying will bring value and bring some form of support to the family when things are thick .
And after this post i hope the divorce rate of Kenya doesn't sky rocket LOL
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Rank: Member Joined: 5/8/2007 Posts: 709
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S.Mutaga III wrote:tuvok wrote:+1 on @Young's advice. I am married. I always go out of my way to ensure that our finances are transparent. Note that I said *our*.
Wife and I decided that long ago. It's part of trusting each other. i may be young (21)but I wont see a wazuan fail where I could have advised...I have elder sisters who I overhear saying "pesa zake ni zetu na zangu ni zangu"...their husbands think financial matters are transparent...just open one bank a/c with another bank and start depositing some cash regularly...and thank me later. Who told you you are young at 21 years?? You are old.
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Rank: Member Joined: 5/8/2007 Posts: 709
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2012 wrote:jguru wrote:That's how most men with Kabete wives end up in heaven. Death is not an option. @jguru next time marry someone you trust that way even God will increase you together. Going with your theory, what would compel this woman who has vowed to spend the rest of her life with you even in bad times to off you? I can assure you that it's not the new found wealth. After all who will see enjoy it with? Those men are killed because of their mipangos unless you want to tell me all those developments you see in Kiambu are owned by widows. @ 2012, You simply dont know. mukafete - kebete women are known of killing their husbands purely for wealth/money acquisition purposes. I had over 10 classmates in college from Kiambu who were brought up by single mothers...funnily they have no idea what happened to their fathers.... Kabete women are dangerous
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 6,592 Location: Nairobi
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faa wrote:@ 2012,
You simply dont know.
mukafete - kebete women are known of killing their husbands purely for wealth/money acquisition purposes.
I had over 10 classmates in college from Kiambu who were brought up by single mothers...funnily they have no idea what happened to their fathers....
Kabete women are dangerous A foolish woman tears her house down with her own hands. The women or men who kill for the love of money only curse themselves and that money or property will never last. Someone needs to tell them that. I on the other hand know women who have been left by their husbands and are doing very well, much better than the men who ditched them. As Young said, build your home together and God will bless it. You will never lack and I can testify to that.
BBI will solve it :)
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/20/2007 Posts: 767
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FRM2011 wrote:Am happy to note the balance of power in most wazua households is still intact in a way that would make our grandfathers proud. Hiding your finances from your spouse has nothing to do with power and everything to do with fear, corwardice, stupidity, selfishness and pride. If you intend to marry, marry someone you trust. I always ask myself, if she steals from me, what is the worst that will happen?.... nothing... I will continue living and working and making more money. I also flip the coin and ask "what possible reason could she have to steal from me?" Have I made her insecure? Have I acted or said things that would make her think or feel insecure about a future with me? Its a fear dance between the spouses that only leads to destruction! They must find it difficult....... those who have taken authority as the truth, rather than truth as the authority. -G. Massey.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/2/2011 Posts: 4,818 Location: -1.2107, 36.8831
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tom_boy wrote: Hiding your finances from your spouse has nothing to do with power and everything to do with fear, corwardice, stupidity, selfishness and pride. If you intend to marry, marry someone you trust. I always ask myself, if she steals from me, what is the worst that will happen?.... nothing... I will continue living and working and making more money. I also flip the coin and ask "what possible reason could she have to steal from me?" Have I made her insecure? Have I acted or said things that would make her think or feel insecure about a future with me? Its a fear dance between the spouses that only leads to destruction! we are not talking about stealing from you, its KILLING you. Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you.” ― Rashi
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2012 Posts: 3,855 Location: Othumo
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dunkang wrote:tom_boy wrote: Hiding your finances from your spouse has nothing to do with power and everything to do with fear, corwardice, stupidity, selfishness and pride. If you intend to marry, marry someone you trust. I always ask myself, if she steals from me, what is the worst that will happen?.... nothing... I will continue living and working and making more money. I also flip the coin and ask "what possible reason could she have to steal from me?" Have I made her insecure? Have I acted or said things that would make her think or feel insecure about a future with me? Its a fear dance between the spouses that only leads to destruction! we are not talking about stealing from you, its KILLING you.  Thieves
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/10/2010 Posts: 281 Location: Nairobi
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It would be foolish to ignore the very high number of single parents this country has. Most of them have both parents alive but separated and the number 1 cause for this is finances.
In any group, resources are directly linked to power. It's stands to reason that whoever has the most money is the most powerful in the family. Even in extended families decisions tend to be biased towards the child with the most money, doesn't matter if it is the eldest son or not. It is therefore quite difficult to let go of cash.
That said, some decisions with financial implications should be discussed, sometimes even with the elder children included...
Don't be the superstar who decides everything, give some freedom but also have some space.
My wife knows what I contribute to my kid's education fund and what I pay in loan repayments plus the monthly bills. I don't involve her with what I spend on my car or everyday personal expenses and I also don't interfere in her general expenses. But I will tell her if I'm making a large investment even if she wont be involved financially in it.
If you want to keep your spouse forever, dispel the mystery. They have more confidence in you if you have prudent saving/spending habits. Unless you are a drug/gambling addict, or a thief, whatever you think is worth hiding, is probably not worthwhile,
If you think your spouse will slaughter you at night, get a decent lawyer write a bulletproof will and put your wealth in a trustfund for your kids and away from him or her. Make sure he/she knows there is nothing to benefit from upon your death.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2007 Posts: 2,037 Location: Lagos, Nigeria
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Be aware spouse here refers to either husband or wife not necessarily husband. It is becoming common for wives to earn more than the husbands so in this discussion we have to give male and female gendar equal chance, it can be either way. Kiambu case is negligible we are refering to standard practice anyway in the world be it Africa or overseas not tiny Kiambu (relative to Africa or the world at large). Even in Kiambu, I am sure there are several exceptions, it depends on the individual. Let us share ideas here. Best regards The wazua spirit as members is to educate and inform and learn from others within the limit of what we know in any chosen area irrespective of our differences in tribes, nationalities, etc. .
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/11/2007 Posts: 1,680 Location: nairobi
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Techboy..the time they will call you techman  ...that might not happen..so forget it. I have this theory that ...what a couple builds together, from scratch somehow keeps the relationship tight, it can never be "our" house, if I am the one who contributed all interms of financing, planning, furnishing...etc, is this theory true?
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/17/2009 Posts: 398 Location: Where everyone knows you
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This is a very SAD thread.
Why get married if you can't trust your spouse.
It is actually quite simple:
- Have all your investments in joint accounts.
- Have a will, that includes your children and other dependents.
- Both have what they want for private use. within reason of course.
- Plan investments together.
That way, if one of you get hit by a bus, the money stays in the family
- HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU SEEN A PERSON DIE, AND NO ONE KNOWS WHAT HE/SHE IS WORTH - AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHERE THE MONEY IS.
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Rank: User Joined: 5/3/2011 Posts: 559
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As long as she is not a kikuyu, you're save!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/11/2012 Posts: 5,222
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I put it across that the majority of boys afraid of women are single and/or worse, philanderers. I would rather someone back up what he advices with his/her very own experience. ie I have been married for ...... and from this experience ...... What I've experienced with my mother, is that women hate/loathe/detest spending their money, if it is little, on anybody else other than themselves. When given money (family, mutual money) and its small money, it immediately ceases being 'our' money to 'her' money. Underlined word LITTLE. That said, I en-devour to give my wife as much money as she wants, even surpass her expectations. Quench her thirst of it so that we can get to enjoy our lives. Money in itself is useless. It becomes useful, when its put to use.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 6,592 Location: Nairobi
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Drunkard wrote:As long as she is not a kikuyu, you're save!
Since you are being tribal, believe me you would be lucky if you married a Kikuyu woman, they know how to build wealth.
BBI will solve it :)
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/22/2011 Posts: 193 Location: nairobi
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very sad.......
IMO...the guys who dont discuss finances with their wives don't have a happy marriage.If you not secure financially, all other aspects of the marriage will suffer..(denied conjugal rights, mpango wa kando etc)
Wives help build their men's wealth(family wealth)
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2007 Posts: 2,037 Location: Lagos, Nigeria
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young wrote:
Be aware spouse here refers to either husband or wife not necessarily husband.
It is becoming common for wives to earn more than the husbands so in this discussion we have to give male and female gendar equal chance, it can be either way.
Kiambu case is negligible we are refering to standard practice anyway in the world be it Africa or overseas not tiny Kiambu (relative to Africa or the world at large).
Even in Kiambu, I am sure there are several exceptions, it depends on the individual.
Let us share ideas here.
Best regards
The wazua spirit as members is to educate and inform and learn from others within the limit of what we know in any chosen area irrespective of our differences in tribes, nationalities, etc. .
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Rank: Member Joined: 5/8/2007 Posts: 709
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Whether to discuss your financials with your spouse depends on many issues
In the traditional way, women depended on men.And men never shared their financial details with their wives
Nowadays, you marry a wife with a salary , you ought to discuss and agree on some things..i.e
What you shouldn't share though is issues to do with investments.Joint investments with a wife arent advisable.Giving your wife some shareholding to your wife isnt advisable.
Sharing ideas with your wife is advisable
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