@ Hamburglar, Really why do u get so irritated at the mention of God?
This is now the third thread n u have fought to the point of turning blue, why is that?
Why do u fight like a wounded lion? If you r so convinced that God doesn't exist why do you just stay in peace?
Anyway one piece of advice, " BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF." You r forcing your conscience to accept while it knows you r denying the truth." That can be the only explanation there is to your war. You r fighting with your conscience n you will never win.
It's likely that there is something which you feel is so bad that God wouldn't forgive you or you can not stand the fact that you will be brought to answer for it, but you need not worry. God know your knows your circumstances and that is why all humans are asked not to judge. This is why during the Crucifixion one of those who was being crucified with Jesus was Promised Paradise.(Jesus can be found in History, u don't necessarily need to read the Bible.) Jesus as God knew that despite having been a robber, his circumstances gave him no alternative and also that when he asked that Jesus remember him in his Kingdom his Contrition was genuine, and for that he got Eternal life.
If you were genuine in your atheism you wouldn't talk much, at least @ Tokyo can be ABIT convincing as to being an atheist, but you, sorry but you know that you r just forcing yourself to believe but your conscience has refused, that's why you write so much and get irritated and all.
But seek assistance and you will find fighting would get you anywhere.