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living apart
Rank: Member Joined: 8/25/2008 Posts: 144
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One thing i really cherish is getting home in the evening,and receiving that kids cheer of dad,sharing a sofa and having them climb all over me or just sit each on the side,and most of all,helping the boy through his homework and seeing his determination.
I don't know whether i can live away from that.
Life is too short.
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Rank: Member Joined: 3/10/2009 Posts: 51
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My colleague is still recovering from the shock when his son called him uncle - he was posted to the TZ office about 3 years ago,I think married people should live together to build up the family. Obviously there are times when seperation is inevitable - it should not be extended. living together follows the stages of group dynamics forming,storming etc so it is just pushing th forming a bit and delaying the storming which will eventually come. its better to deal with it early my 2 cent Nice The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends
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Rank: Member Joined: 3/10/2009 Posts: 51
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My colleague is still recovering from the shock when his son called him uncle - he was posted to the TZ office about 3 years ago,I think married people should live together to build up the family. Obviously there are times when seperation is inevitable - it should not be extended. living together follows the stages of group dynamics forming,storming etc so it is just pushing th forming a bit and delaying the storming which will eventually come. its better to deal with it early my 2 cent Nice The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/7/2007 Posts: 168 Location: Nairobi
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@silk & Jacy,my heart resonates with yours.
I am pleased to see that we have sober individuals on this forum as regards marriages.
@luttz,
I hear you,and I know it does work living apart if you put in your effort like you are already doing and I commend you sincerely for that. Shows that you are committed to your wife and family. Only,please allow me to caution you as a brother,the long term effect of your physical absence from your wife and kids may play back to each of their lives badly. I do hope you don’t intend to stay this way for long and that you have plans to have your family either join you where you are or you coming back. The greatest gift you can offer your family is being there; being there in each and every moment of their lives. When your kid falls and is bruised,you are there to blow over the wounds,hug them and rub their back,when your wife is discouraged you are there to hold her through the night,when you kid excels in school,you are there to attend the price giving day,when you wife gets a promotion,you do not merely call to say congratulation and later on come with flowers only but for a few days,but you are there you give her a kiss and a hug and a night out. All these and much more cannot be achieved with protracted absence.
say it as it is
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Rank: Member Joined: 3/18/2008 Posts: 377
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@ Mkristo and all I agree,you guys are spot on. I dont plan to be out here for long although even long is relative,I would love to be back. However,there are many Kenyans who work and stay with their families but they dont spare anytime for the wife/kids etc. I have friends who never see their kids for a whole week yet they stay under the same roof. "You've never lived until you've almost died; for those who have fought for it, life has a flavour the protected will never know."
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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@Mkristo
I like your argument and it really makes a lot of sense.
In an ideal world,we should all live together as a family,be there for each other and literally,take care of each other. however,in today's world and demands,as much as we would love this situation to be,we find ourselves separated from those we love and we have to live away from them either for a long while or if you are lucky,for a short while. I think the most important thing is not loose focus of where your family is in your life. As Luttz said,and going by the efforts he is putting to take care of his family,i believe,in the event that these circumstances are inevitable,you can still maintain the closeness to your family even when far. The long term effects may be there but depends on how you handle the current affairs. Am not saying it is easy,all i am saying is,with effort,you can still manage to keep a close knit family especially if you arent planning to be away for ever - i mean for a looooooooooong time!!!!
I would say,for those who are working far from family,it can still be done! keep trying,the effort will not be in vain.
Some deals are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/7/2007 Posts: 168 Location: Nairobi
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@luttz & wedz and all
Thanks.
By the way I think as I air my views I am also telling myself the same,and not probably patronizingly saying to you. I am as much a victim of today’s busy world like everyone else and often times I find myself not giving enough to my family as I aught to.
On May 1,we got our 2nd born (son). Our first born,a son also,came before paternity leave was law. When second one came,I had a chance to take the leave and believe you me,I was kinda lost the first few days. As in,didn’t know much what to do. Other times when we take the normal leave we are busy doing other things,either chasing this and that deal,seeking some investment opportunity and much more. Leave therefore becomes time for business rather than rest hence you plan for it and even know exactly what you are up to when you take it. As for paternity,there was not much business cos it came suddenly and did not give me the time to plan for it.
But what is good about it is the fact that for the first time I was able to spend nearly 95% of the time at home with my wife and the two boys. We bonded like never before. Our marriage too was refreshed and it all was quite rewarding.
From that experience I am learning to spend more time with my family as well as take care of other businesses.
say it as it is
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/26/2007 Posts: 31
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Thanks to you all for the input on this topic,
I too work far from my family and come home for 2 weeks after 3 months,I call home each day and would talk to my wife and daughter . However,my challenge comes to when i get home. while i enjoy the company of my kids and everything around them . I seem to have more silence with my wife. though she is a natural quiet person,we share more on phone than we are close at home .
We both know this and when each time we talk (on phone),she wishes we would talk more often when home (i have the same desire too) . When home,it feels like having a room mate rather than a wife . she tends to the young boy alot while i end up either running around meeting business interests or just reading books.
What can we do to correct this? Thanks
Smooth
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Rank: Elder Joined: 8/4/2008 Posts: 2,849 Location: Rupi
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My hubby was working in Sudan. During one of his visits,our son called him mum while they were queing at the till in Uchumi. He wanted a sweet and he repeatedly called 'mum' and insisted that he be bought the sweet. Hubby was soo embarassed and he resolved to come back home. He felt he will make the money and loose the kids. Now he is back. Lord, thank you!
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/20/2009 Posts: 73
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@all
i take all the sentiments very seriously. being a victim of such a case knows how it pains- am about over 500 km away from my family not by choice but to the virtual of my job. ve always to call home almost everyday n to travel home after every 3 weeks just to be with them-atleast ve won their hearts not to call me their uncle. ok,the case here is to stay away or together- the best will be together but without the option then one must always call/appear frequently to the wife/children to remove the stranger in them
@ngums
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