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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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Reporter: Briefly tell us what happend here at Machakos country bus. Mutunga: kusema okweli siyawai sikia mulivuko kama usu! nilikua ninakunda kasota vaya kwa ile kivanda ya kokokola nikingoyea ile mbasi ya kule kwetu inaitangwa katethya usu. Nakwambia vunda si vunde, kuvumba na kuvumbua, vulombox ya white ilikua na ioo ndinted ikalucha kivulusi ambacho nilisuku ni manguluneti ya mbomu, kwasavavu vile ililusya, ata siyui niseme aye! nilisikia Tua… Tua… Tuaaaaa! kusitukia nilikuta kwa ngunia ya makovisi huku kwa ngeiti ya muthulwa…! kuangalia kwa mkono,asiisi…! Supa ya sota hakuna…! Siyui nitaambia mwenye nduka aye.! Kwa sambambu aliachwa na ndivositi yangu na supa yake imelivuliwa na io mulivuko…tavathali naomba silikali ituangalie tukombenzeitiwe…asandeni..ni mimi wenyu Mutunga.  - too funny! Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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 ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Member Joined: 3/26/2012 Posts: 232 Location: Nairobi
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c+p Josiah Mwangi was sitting outside his home after a divorce. He noticed a crate with beer bottles close by. He took an empty bottle, smashed it on the wall and said "You are the reason I lost my wife." He then smashed the second bottle saying, "You are the reason why I lost my children." Smashed the third bottle, "You are the reason why I lost my job!" Noticing that the fourth bottle was still full of beer, he said, "Stand aside my friend, you were not involved." My folks told me that my very first word was 'billionaire'
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057
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INSANITY @ ITS BEST Two mentally insane patients plot to run away from a mental facility at night. The facility is well guarded and the only way to escape is to beat up the two guards at the gate. When the night of escape comes, the two patients walk to the gate armed with hockey sticks. On arriving at the gate, they find the gate open but the guards are not around. They look for the guards in a nearby shed and when the guards are nowhere to be found, the two patients decide to postpone their escape to the next day hoping the guards will be there!.......... If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057
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Mixed emotions A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time." She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis." If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/22/2011 Posts: 561 Location: House
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vinii wrote:Mixed emotions
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions".
The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."
She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis."
And the burial for the wife was held the following week 
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/28/2006 Posts: 1,799
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057
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c & p ..when Kemboi was asked what he thinks about Racism,this is what he had to say; Kemboi: eeeeeeh tenk you for asging. My father is a racist, my mother is a racist, my brother and sister, we are all racists. Tugo na mbio sana !!!! If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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Wewe ni kondoo kweli!!!! 
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/10/2008 Posts: 9,131 Location: Kanjo
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KIBAKI and RAILA conversation LEAKED The Kenyan DAILY POST Jokes 01:32 Kibaki met with the Queen of England. He asked her,"Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there... any tips you can give to me? I want to help Nigeria" "Well," said the Queen,"the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Kibaki frowned, and then asked,"But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen took a sip off her cup of tea."Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."The Queen pushed a button on her intercom."Please ...send Tony Blair in here, would you? "Tony Blair walked into the room and said,"Yes, Your Majesty?"The Queen smiled and said," Answer me this please. Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered,"That would be me." "Yes! Very good,"said the Queen. Kibaki went back home to asked Raila the same question. "Raila wewe ndio umependa vitendawili, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?""I'm not sure," said Raila. "Let me get back to you on that one..."He went to his advisors who included Miguna Miguna back then and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, in Parliament, he ran into Bifwoli Wekoli and asked, “Bifwoli, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"Bifwoli answered sharply,"That's easy, it's me! Raila smiled, and said,"Thanks!"Then, he went back to speak with KIBAKI."Sir,I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's BIFWOLI " KIBAKI got up angrily,frowning , he said to Raila. No wonder Kenya isn't moving forward, I don't have intelligent people around me.! You Pumbavu! The answer is Tony Blair i.am.back!!!!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2012 Posts: 3,855 Location: Othumo
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harrydre wrote:KIBAKI and RAILA conversation LEAKED The Kenyan DAILY POST Jokes 01:32 Kibaki met with the Queen of England. He asked her,"Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there... any tips you can give to me? I want to help Nigeria" "Well," said the Queen,"the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Kibaki frowned, and then asked,"But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen took a sip off her cup of tea."Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."The Queen pushed a button on her intercom."Please ...send Tony Blair in here, would you? "Tony Blair walked into the room and said,"Yes, Your Majesty?"The Queen smiled and said," Answer me this please. Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered,"That would be me." "Yes! Very good,"said the Queen.  Kibaki went back home to asked Raila the same question. "Raila wewe ndio umependa vitendawili, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?""I'm not sure," said Raila. "Let me get back to you on that one..."He went to his advisors who included Miguna Miguna back then and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, in Parliament, he ran into Bifwoli Wekoli and asked, “Bifwoli, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"Bifwoli answered sharply,"That's easy, it's me! Raila smiled, and said,"Thanks!"Then, he went back to speak with KIBAKI."Sir,I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's BIFWOLI " KIBAKI got up angrily,frowning , he said to Raila. No wonder Kenya isn't moving forward, I don't have intelligent people around me.! You Pumbavu! The answer is Tony Blair Thieves
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,328 Location: Masada
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harrydre wrote:KIBAKI and RAILA conversation LEAKED
The Kenyan DAILY POST Jokes 01:32
Raila smiled, and said,"Thanks!"Then, he went back to speak with KIBAKI."Sir,I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's BIFWOLI "
KIBAKI got up angrily,frowning , he said to Raila. No wonder Kenya isn't moving forward, I don't have intelligent people around me.! You Pumbavu! The answer is Tony Blair Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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harrydre wrote:KIBAKI and RAILA conversation LEAKED
The Kenyan DAILY POST Jokes 01:32
Kibaki met with the Queen of England.
He asked her,"Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there... any tips you can give to me? I want to help Nigeria" "Well," said the Queen,"the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Kibaki frowned, and then asked,"But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip off her cup of tea."Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."The Queen pushed a button on her intercom."Please ...send Tony Blair in here, would you? "Tony Blair walked into the room and said,"Yes, Your Majesty?"The Queen smiled and said,"
Answer me this please.
Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered,"That would be me." "Yes! Very good,"said the Queen.
Kibaki went back home to asked Raila the same question.
"Raila wewe ndio umependa vitendawili, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?""I'm not sure," said Raila.
"Let me get back to you on that one..."He went to his advisors who included Miguna Miguna back then and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, in Parliament, he ran into Bifwoli Wekoli and asked, “Bifwoli, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"Bifwoli answered sharply,"That's easy, it's me!
Raila smiled, and said,"Thanks!"Then, he went back to speak with KIBAKI."Sir,I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's BIFWOLI "
KIBAKI got up angrily,frowning , he said to Raila. No wonder Kenya isn't moving forward, I don't have intelligent people around me.! You Pumbavu! The answer is Tony Blair Why does Kibaki want to help Nigeria???
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/24/2007 Posts: 1,805
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 I Think Therefore I Am
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 2/25/2009 Posts: 973
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A ma3 has just cut right in front of me.Even before i had time to curse under my breath i've seen written on the back: Hii upuzi ndio kazi
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 2/25/2009 Posts: 973
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What are a sheeps spectacles called: kondoo-lenses
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/29/2011 Posts: 233
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C&P Sort of reminds me of makmende... :D Chuck Norris doesn't travel at speed of light; light travels at speed of Chuck Norris. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck has more money than you. Chuck Norris can punch a cyclops between the eye. Chuck Norris is the only human being that can kick you in the back of the face. Chuck Norris can punch you in the soul. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. If it smells like chicken, looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, but Chuck Norris says it's beef, then it's beef. Chuck Norris is the only one who can kick ass with both feet on ground. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on dry land. Do you know why Chuck Norris hasn't got any hair on his balls? Because hair doesn't grow on steel. Chuck Norris can kick a girl in the balls. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures that Chuck Norris allowed to live. When God created Earth, he said: "Let there be light". Chuck Norris said "Say please". When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the light on, he turns the dark off. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for chuck Norris. The saddest day of a child's life is not when they discover that the Santa is not real, is when they find out that Chuck Norris is. Do you know why babies cry when they're born? Because they know they've just entered a world with Chuck Norris. A cobra once bit Chuck Norris in his leg. After five days of excrucitating pain, the cobra died. The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake. The Great Wall Of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out; it failed miserably. Chuck Norris once traveled to The Virgin Islands; now they're just called The Islands. Some kids piss their names into snow; Chuck Norris can piss his name in steel. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs; Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever he wants. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from 31st March to 2nd April: no one fools Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris can speak braille. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD Excelsior
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/11/2008 Posts: 257
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Guy wit 25-inches long Dick to God: I cn't liv wit tis lng dick! God: Go2 that lake, u wil find a female frog. Ask hr 2 marry u.She will say 'No' & u'll los e 5 inches He went & found da frog:Wil u marry me? Frog: No! He lost 5inches! He thought 20 inches is stil long. So again: Wil u marry me? Frog: No He lost 5 inches more. He thot: 15 inches is gr8,Bt 10 is ideal So he askd agn:Wil u marry me? Frog:Hw mny timz do i hv2 tel u? NO! NO! NO Banana Finished. I want to be a millionaire.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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