ok so what is she after, does she want a dude or companionship?

I guess in theory that is true. However, as a mother, you can never relax properly not knowing the children are okay. So she needs to be there for them FIRST, then she will relax. At least that works for me.

This is subjective and depends on the person. Why do ladies like to pretend that they don't like sex and hence are doing men a huge favour by giving them some? Do what your libido tells you I say ...
Anyhow, even the best of men is not going to wait around kama amekaushiwa, ..he will think you are playing games and vanish like the wind. Its a delicate balancing act, but good-old character judgement skills are way better than locking up the goods from the potential mate for months on end. In any case, is she not a seasoned adult? She should be able to tell who is there for play and who is serious by now.

Possible avenues to look for a solution:

Join the choir in church or a church group especially that has people full of life and many ideas of having fun and those that r about same age.
Start attending Gym or other such exciting activity.
Look for a charity that she could be useful to and be attending from time to spend time there. e.g if it's a childrens home and she can assist with tuition or other such activity if she is able to do the same.
Hit the net and look for friends, where some can be online friends and those that she can meet in person etc.( For this she needs to be willing to sieve the serious pple from Jokers and conmen etc)
Nations Saturday Magazine has a column for lonely hearts she could put a profile there.
Also in this age of hard economic times she could engage in income generating activities which will definately keep her very busy and will be very handy. Eg if she able to acquire a plot/plots and keep herself busy with supervising construction.

Some people say we find love by giving love and by going out of our way to engage in activities we get noticed and are able to solve several problems.

@Quicksand, if we were to follow our libidos we would be no different from animals. There is a reason God gave us self control. And yes, some men wait.
Once you both then are committed, unleash all the goods! But you cannot unleash to Tom, Dick & Harry and expect them to change miraculously to be the man you are looking for! That is poor judgement.
I have no regrets about withholding the goods initially, it worked for me.
He needs to be in it for more than just sex. Sex i agree is a part of it, but only a part.