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Dishonest fiancee
Rank: Veteran Joined: 2/25/2009 Posts: 973
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@specky,alphdoti n radio - leave her and take care of the baby was my initial reaction but @kusadikikas advice to use a woman who knows him well to vet her is quite good. @rollout - "just because she told a white lie". Yes..signs of things (read lies) ahead @Mandela.S - dont bet just yet,am 80% sure the kid is his since he says it wasnt an oops baby n i believe him coz he had told me bout their plans before she conceived
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/23/2007 Posts: 604
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@Rock You have a very big responsbility in that marriage as the best man. Hiyo pilipili ni yako pia. Fornication + pregnancy does not = marriage. It is good for that guy to ask that woman if she is wife material? Kuna vile huyo manze ni con-woman. Ati "hutaona mtoi if you dont' commit". But I wonder if that guy is husband material.... He seems not to be in charge at all. You can copy & paste him this excerpt from Muiha's book - Are You Wife Material? http://www.areyouwifemat...x.php/buy-the-hard-copy
......... MEN
Many men have chickened-out from being real Godly men. They ignore the importance of relying on God for a spouse. They never approach the throne of mercy and grace with confidence and make their requests known to God. They rely on their own strength - the arm of the flesh which always fails. It is not the woman’s problem. It is the man solely to blame.
No man worth the title husband should demand respect or submission from the wife if he has not submitted to the authority of Jesus Christ. The same God who commanded the wife to submit to the husband is the very same God who commanded the husband to first submit to Him and also love the wife unconditionally, just as He loved the church.
A husband who does not love the wife the way Christ loves the church,to a point of dying for it, has no authority to demand any form of submission from her.
The chain of command is very clear: JESUS >HUSBAND > WIFE.
Not just : HUSBAND > WIFE.
Before a man asks if a woman is wife material he needs to ask himself if he is husband material.
A true man of God is not worried or concerned whether women are “taking up our positions,” because he already has his position secure in the Lord – be it at home, church, government or workplace..............
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Rank: Elder Joined: 9/7/2010 Posts: 2,148 Location: elderville
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Rollout wrote:rock wrote:Since there's a wedding vibe goin round today let me seek your advice lest i mislead someone. I am soon to be the best man in my pals wedding and find myself somewhat in a dilemma.His fiancee is expecting in a few mths time and they are hurriedly planning a wedding before then..the dude is in biz and comes from a well to do family and the girl had previously claimed to be of the same social status and had even lied that her parents live in an upper class neighborhood but turns out they stay in eastlands. She also works together with her family and claims to be earning good cash but is broke most of the time.The truth came out when he made the first visit to the parents hse and her excuse was that the upmarket hse was auctioned early this year due to a huge unpaid business loan and she was too embarrassed to tell people and that most of her monthly income is used to pay off another loan the parents took. What i can confirm to be true is the ladys involvement in the family biz. I've adviced the guy to stall the negotiations and reconsider a long-term relationship with this girl since she cant be fully trusted..what else is she capable of lying about?! He claims that he doesnt care about her parents financial status and that its not a big deal but to me thats besides the point. Fact is she's a big fat liar! Rock.... I don't understand why you think these two shouldn't get married just because she told a white lie, to my understanding you actually seem to be more concerned than the guy getting married, the girl has already explained her situation. This girl probably lied day one and she was forced to keep the story going period! We've all met people who lie and we've all discovered their lies and ignore, from what you wrote, it seems this is the only major lie she has told, that doesn't make her a lier, if she was a structural lier she would have told a million lies, so give this a pass everyone want to be from so and so family, she just over play the fantasis. Let the two Marry, you work in to stand on the line for a few hour and thats it. If you advise him to leave her he will probably cut you off because I know they share more than just the material things! Spot on. People are carrying on here as if they have never lied in a relationship or caught on small lies that grow big in life. If you want a relationship where people are all trusting and all truthful then stick to those Mexican telenovelas or read Mills and Boon. @Rock, now that we have read your side of story it would have been interesting to know of the lady's. I am sure it would most likely give a different view of the whole thing. And I feel it is pretty dangerous to act on advise given on an internet forum by those who do not understand the full circumstances and intimate details of the relationship. Now you even get such 'genius' ideas of using un-vetted untrained personnel to vet her. Seriously?? Have they even considered seeing their pastor for counseling about the issue? The one who is probably trained, has experience and is in any event already counseling them prior to the wedding? He who can express in words the ardour of his love, has but little love to express. - Petrach, Son. (That men by various ways arrive at the same end. - Montaigne, The Essays of.)
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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@Elder: You bring a very important aspect, hao wawili waone a counsellor coz I don't buy this concern from rock, nobody really knows what the lady has to say!!! ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 7,081 Location: Kenya
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Let the two marry...at least they know where to start in working out stuff in their marriage. How many couples live for eons with secrets that they go to the grave with. Even those Counsellors people go to have issues to grapple with. Last Sunday a pastor married to a pastor was wondering that people think they have no issues whereas their pot is always filled up with 'issues'.
John Chapter 8
2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
@Elder
...Tell these hypocrites and pharisees more....
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/28/2011 Posts: 213
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I am a lady and i know this things.......why would i not be comfortable ati coz i am not from a well up family?
This is the warning sign that the guy should walk away coz clearly this chick is a gold digger.
lets look at it this way.....they get married and the jamaa for one reason or another gets broke,will this chick still be by his side?..NO,coz she was in it for the money and be believe me the separation this time will be ugly.
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/11/2008 Posts: 401
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Kusadikika wrote:Trust??!! What trust. Men can never know women. You meet with a girl on the streets of Nairobi as adults and in a few months you decide to get married because you trust her or love her.....oh what delusion!!!! A man should always have a girl he wants to marry vetted by a woman who loves him. Women know women better and women know men very well.
@Rock tell your friend to get his sister, his cousin, his aunt, his mom or just any woman who knows him well and cares about him and let him share his doubts about his girl with her. Let the women do the investigations and get back to him. Talking to the girl directly or talking to men like you will not help him here. Women's minds and intentions cannot be penetrated by the minds of men. Even when he gets the report he should not ask for details, if the woman he trusts says leave her alone just leave her alone.
I don't know whether people still do this but there was a logic behind the practice of sending the girl someone intended to marry to go and spend some time with the guys mother when the guy is not around. You can have dated a girl for 2 years and your mom can pick out things in one weekend that you never knew and would never have known.  Wise comments like these from "to become sad" are the reason I'm proud to associate with wazuans. I am truly humbled to be in your company.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/1/2011 Posts: 8,804 Location: Nairobi
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This is a familiar motif in the likes of 'La Mujer . . .' the lady must be having things that the man would die for.
But no problem. The man thinks that he can measure suitability by checking on family background, money in the bank, and that kind of thing. His mind is already twisted. So is the girl's.
So, whatever you do, another twisted story will follow. Just let the man make his decision. And as for you, support him in every mannequin way.
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 7/18/2011 Posts: 75
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Tell him to run!!!!. She is probably lying about marrying him! anyway, since you are already the "best man", .... the guy has decided and is not running after all. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in the World. If I'm not there, I go to work.
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/26/2011 Posts: 759
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specky wrote:I am a lady and i know this things.......why would i not be comfortable ati coz i am not from a well up family?
This is the warning sign that the guy should walk away coz clearly this chick is a gold digger.
lets look at it this way.....they get married and the jamaa for one reason or another gets broke,will this chick still be by his side?..NO,coz she was in it for the money and be believe me the separation this time will be ugly. Specky... all a long I thought you were a guy, if you had noted that you're a woman then I would have be a little nicer to you. Anyway... why would anyone care what anyone marries, you can marry a dog or a pig and I won't care it is absolutely not rock's business to advice his friend, first Rock could have issue himself. Infact I think Rock is the problem what men would seek advice on a friend's woman? it doesn't add up!
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 9/19/2011 Posts: 1,694
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Elder wrote:Rollout wrote:rock wrote:Since there's a wedding vibe goin round today let me seek your advice lest i mislead someone. I am soon to be the best man in my pals wedding and find myself somewhat in a dilemma.His fiancee is expecting in a few mths time and they are hurriedly planning a wedding before then..the dude is in biz and comes from a well to do family and the girl had previously claimed to be of the same social status and had even lied that her parents live in an upper class neighborhood but turns out they stay in eastlands. She also works together with her family and claims to be earning good cash but is broke most of the time.The truth came out when he made the first visit to the parents hse and her excuse was that the upmarket hse was auctioned early this year due to a huge unpaid business loan and she was too embarrassed to tell people and that most of her monthly income is used to pay off another loan the parents took. What i can confirm to be true is the ladys involvement in the family biz. I've adviced the guy to stall the negotiations and reconsider a long-term relationship with this girl since she cant be fully trusted..what else is she capable of lying about?! He claims that he doesnt care about her parents financial status and that its not a big deal but to me thats besides the point. Fact is she's a big fat liar! Rock.... I don't understand why you think these two shouldn't get married just because she told a white lie, to my understanding you actually seem to be more concerned than the guy getting married, the girl has already explained her situation. This girl probably lied day one and she was forced to keep the story going period! We've all met people who lie and we've all discovered their lies and ignore, from what you wrote, it seems this is the only major lie she has told, that doesn't make her a lier, if she was a structural lier she would have told a million lies, so give this a pass everyone want to be from so and so family, she just over play the fantasis. Let the two Marry, you work in to stand on the line for a few hour and thats it. If you advise him to leave her he will probably cut you off because I know they share more than just the material things! Spot on. People are carrying on here as if they have never lied in a relationship or caught on small lies that grow big in life. If you want a relationship where people are all trusting and all truthful then stick to those Mexican telenovelas or read Mills and Boon. @Rock, now that we have read your side of story it would have been interesting to know of the lady's. I am sure it would most likely give a different view of the whole thing. And I feel it is pretty dangerous to act on advise given on an internet forum by those who do not understand the full circumstances and intimate details of the relationship. Now you even get such 'genius' ideas of using un-vetted untrained personnel to vet her. Seriously?? Have they even considered seeing their pastor for counseling about the issue? The one who is probably trained, has experience and is in any event already counseling them prior to the wedding? Hapo umenena kama masaai moran kumi. One side of the story is never a complete picture.
“People will believe a big lie sooner than a little one, and if you repeat it frequently enough, people will sooner or later believe it.” ― Walter C. Langer
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/7/2007 Posts: 2,182
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"by any means marry, if your wife is good u will be happy, if she is bad u will be a philosopher" LOVE WHAT YOU DO, DO WHAT YOU LOVE.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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Rollout wrote:specky wrote:I am a lady and i know this things.......why would i not be comfortable ati coz i am not from a well up family?
This is the warning sign that the guy should walk away coz clearly this chick is a gold digger.
lets look at it this way.....they get married and the jamaa for one reason or another gets broke,will this chick still be by his side?..NO,coz she was in it for the money and be believe me the separation this time will be ugly. Specky... all a long I thought you were a guy, if you had noted that you're a woman then I would have be a little nicer to you. Anyway... why would anyone care what anyone marries, you can marry a dog or a pig and I won't care it is absolutely not rock's business to advice his friend, first Rock could have issue himself. Infact I think Rock is the problem what men would seek advice on a friend's woman? it doesn't add up!  ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 3/26/2012 Posts: 1,182
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maka wrote:@ rock, If it's about your friend,why does it seem to bother you, more than it does to him?
To answer your dilemma, marriage has nothing to do with parents nor money. It's about love.
Love cannot be founded on lies.
@mkeyid..what are real and genuine friends for,if my friend cant try and correct me when am doing something wrong then whats the point of him or her even being there in the first place.
@Rock...I agree with you,being honest and open in any relationship is key if that doesnt exist and something comes out of the bag later,feelings tend to change,the guy will always have questions in his head every single day. [/quote] [/quote] @maka, I have nothing against friends advising, it's the "worrying more" i'm pointing out.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/26/2008 Posts: 2,097
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This woman is forcing her way to this Jamaa. She traps her that she comes from a well off family, them waylaid him to unzip, and Pap! she is expecting. Leave the guy to marry the gold digger. They will become a lesson to the unmarried bachelors. After all a husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted "Never regret, if its good, its wonderful. If its bad, its experience."
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Rank: Hello Joined: 6/27/2012 Posts: 1
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I belive that before you decide to marry someone, you know them. This man does not seem to know where the girl lives let alone her parents.
This is the parents home you are talking about. Where does the girl live? That will help you know her better. I would not be suprised she has moved in already.(2 of them Climbimg the tree from the top).You will sure have some problems and these are just some of them.
Eastlands has nothing to do with One's social status and it is also possible that the girl is just lied to fit in. Both of them need to take time to know each other. Your friend needs to talk to her friends her relatives when he meets them. This way he will get to know who she really is.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/22/2009 Posts: 7,468
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kyt wrote:"by any means marry, if your wife is good u will be happy, if she is bad u will be a philosopher" Another nice one... All men should marry. There is more to life than happiness!!! Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 6/30/2011 Posts: 81
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rock wrote:Since there's a wedding vibe goin round today let me seek your advice lest i mislead someone. I am soon to be the best man in my pals wedding and find myself somewhat in a dilemma.His fiancee is expecting in a few mths time and they are hurriedly planning a wedding before then..the dude is in biz and comes from a well to do family and the girl had previously claimed to be of the same social status and had even lied that her parents live in an upper class neighborhood but turns out they stay in eastlands. She also works together with her family and claims to be earning good cash but is broke most of the time.The truth came out when he made the first visit to the parents hse and her excuse was that the upmarket hse was auctioned early this year due to a huge unpaid business loan and she was too embarrassed to tell people and that most of her monthly income is used to pay off another loan the parents took. What i can confirm to be true is the ladys involvement in the family biz. I've adviced the guy to stall the negotiations and reconsider a long-term relationship with this girl since she cant be fully trusted..what else is she capable of lying about?! He claims that he doesnt care about her parents financial status and that its not a big deal but to me thats besides the point. Fact is she's a big fat liar! Lying in marriage is normal, not sure the last time I told my wife the truth. Every one including you and other wazuans lie daily. Sometime you look at what is stake in a relationship and if a lie will get you out of a potential quagmire.. then why not? provided you remember to confess on Sunday 
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 1,982 Location: matano manne
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ballistic wrote:rock wrote:Since there's a wedding vibe goin round today let me seek your advice lest i mislead someone. I am soon to be the best man in my pals wedding and find myself somewhat in a dilemma.His fiancee is expecting in a few mths time and they are hurriedly planning a wedding before then..the dude is in biz and comes from a well to do family and the girl had previously claimed to be of the same social status and had even lied that her parents live in an upper class neighborhood but turns out they stay in eastlands. She also works together with her family and claims to be earning good cash but is broke most of the time.The truth came out when he made the first visit to the parents hse and her excuse was that the upmarket hse was auctioned early this year due to a huge unpaid business loan and she was too embarrassed to tell people and that most of her monthly income is used to pay off another loan the parents took. What i can confirm to be true is the ladys involvement in the family biz. I've adviced the guy to stall the negotiations and reconsider a long-term relationship with this girl since she cant be fully trusted..what else is she capable of lying about?! He claims that he doesnt care about her parents financial status and that its not a big deal but to me thats besides the point. Fact is she's a big fat liar! Lying in marriage is normal, not sure the last time I told my wife the truth. Every one including you and other wazuans lie daily. Sometime you look at what is stake in a relationship and if a lie will get you out of a potential quagmire.. then why not? provided you remember to confess on Sunday Mbalistic kweli.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2008 Posts: 6,275 Location: Kenya
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@Mbalistic you lie 100% of time to your wife and this is the advice you want to give @Rock? As in seriously!  Why do you have to lie if you are truthful in your ways. We are not talking questions such as "do I look fat in this dress dear". No, you are talking about your relationship found on lies.
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