Barman:Boss mazeh ile deni yako imefikisha mwaka.Sasa itakuwaje?

Mlevi:Sasa unataka tuiimbie happy birthday ama?

Mwalimu: "Wafula! Tunga sentensi ukitumia jina Tisaini (90)"

Wafula: "Angalia Wekesa ananiangalia na tisaini Gani"

An angry wife calls her husband on his cellphone. "Where the hell are you?" She demands. " Darling, he says, "u remember that jewellery shop where you saw that beautiful diamond necklace? Remember i didn't have money at the time and said it would be yours one day?" Immediately softening, his wife says, yes, I remember that, my love. "Well," her husband says, "i'm at the bar just next to that shop."

Several men are in the changing room of Kiambu golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping mall at UNEP and found this beautiful leather coat.

It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 model. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$70,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000" Its at Muthaiga,great gardens, overlooking the dense Karura forest.

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape...

He smiles and asks: "Does anyone know the owner of this phone?"

EVER LIE TO A SMART WOMAN

Man on phone: Honey I've been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get d promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We're leaving from office & I'll swing by the house to pick my things. Oh, Please pack my new blue silk pajamas!

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said

The following Weekend he came home a little tired but looking good

The wife welcomed him & asked if he caught many fish?

He said "Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill & a few Swordfish. But why didn't u pack my blue silk pajamas?"

You'll love the answer..!!

"I did.. They're in your fishing box!