Airplanes 101
There are 5 major types of airplanes:
1. F15, F16, Apache – noisy animals, everyone knows when they fly. Unfortunately, they only fly 2x in a year (June 1, Dec 12), leaving fans asking for more, and their cabin space is so small and only accommodates the pilot!
2. Wide body (A380, Dreamliner) – cause wake turbulence where they fly, can leave the trees shedding leaves
3. Narrow body – streamlined causing little friction, they can fly unnoticed (I don’t know why they just don’t use these for militry)
4. Chopper – they can land anytime, anywhere, any style
5. Cessna / Fokker – small planes which can stall in mid-air

Pilots 001
a. Some pilots are never sure where the airport is, even when on instrument landing, leaving the air traffic controllers (ATC) exasperated – just land the damn plane!
b. Some pilots, upon landing, leave the plane on the runway, still others park quickly and leave the airport without waiting ATC instructions
c. Some pilots, I don’t know how or why, let passengers disembark before the plane even reaches the end of the run way. The poor passengers have to walk back, and understandably are the last to reach immigration



Airports 501, 502....
I. Some airports are built in faraway places (e.g. Afghanistan), meaning only F15/16 and Apache land there on their bombing missions
II. Some ATCs tell the pilot to use instrument landing and land on whichever runway they want, and once they let out passengers, they can park anywhere, and go home . . . no wonder there are so few planes landing there. So much for the visual approach
III. Some airports have multiple runways, does it mean you can land on any of them? If you land on only one, who lands on the others?
IV. For some airports, the runway lights are turned off when the plane is coming for touchdown. Some pilots can use this as an excuse for touching down on the grass instead of the runway! BTW, what are you hiding? What will you do if the plane is landing in broad day light? - I know, demand the pilot is blindfolded and he must make an instrument landing!


ATC 801-803
i. Some ATCs try to line up multiple airplanes for landing. By analogy, while one is landing, there are several in holding patterns. The pilots end up frustrated and spend too much on fuel . . . who said the world was fair?
ii. Some ATCs demand payment of landing fees BEFORE landing the plane, never mind you are in the air – i will pay you from the BBK ATM as soon as i land – hapana, tuma na mpesa . . .
iii. A qualification for ATC jobs is the need for a VERY BIG MEMORY, anything a pilot says can and should be used against him - A pilot approaching JKIA dreamily murmurs something like ‘the Wilson airport runway looks lovely today’, don’t ask me what happens next

Read this too: http://www.businessballs...trollersfunnyquotes.htm

Myth: a pilot lands his plane only at one airport