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Rank: New-farer Joined: 8/18/2011 Posts: 85
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C & P Don't limit your challenges, but challenge your limits
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/14/2011 Posts: 661
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C&P One day, a dog died, and the owner went to his pastor and said, "Pastor, my dog is dead. Could there be a service for the poor creature?" The pastor replied, "I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there is a new church down the road, and there’s no telling' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the animal; you can go and find out". Then the man answered innocently, "I'll go right away Pastor. But do you think they will accept a donation of Usd 250, 000 as being enough in return for the burial service?" The Pastor exclaimed, "Sweet Jesus! Why didn't you tell me the dog was a Christian..........?
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/14/2011 Posts: 661
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Dem alishuta next to a mlevi, to cover the smell she ask him unaonaje weather ya 2 day, the mlevi responded ikiendelea hivi kutanyesha mavi!
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/6/2009 Posts: 92
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Thiongo, hio ni gwan...it has made mi day...! "
Life's a wheel of fortune and its my chance to spin it" |
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/24/2011 Posts: 407 Location: Nairobi,Kenya
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A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.' The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?' The nun replied, 'He went that way.' After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Afghanistan .' The nun said, 'I understand completely.' The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!' The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Afghanistan either.' Hope is not a strategy
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/23/2010 Posts: 182 Location: Kenya
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British Suicide Bombers on Strike!
Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda Central announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25%, from 72 to only 54, effective immediately. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and the subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife, coupled with other factors contributing to a decline in the virgin supply. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Mustapha Fook told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in our teeth."
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace and a difficult economy. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife, which is not helped by the downturn in the economy which is driving virgins to cash in their chastity. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting compensation, but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle, Middlesborough, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in our areas anyway."
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has also been attributed to the emergence and popularity of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are less keen on rushing to paradise. ' Copy pasted from a different site'
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 7,081 Location: Kenya
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/2/2010 Posts: 480 Location: chokoo
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/11/2008 Posts: 257
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When women talk to each other, the devil sits in a corner quietly, listens and learns. I want to be a millionaire.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,328 Location: Masada
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Thiong'o wrote:Dem alishuta next to a mlevi, to cover the smell she ask him unaonaje weather ya 2 day, the mlevi responded ikiendelea hivi kutanyesha mavi!
Hii ni mpya, from Islando I suppose. Portfolio: Sold You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/11/2008 Posts: 257
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Teacher sent home a note: Sincere & bright boy but spends too much time with girls. Mother sent a note back: Please advise a solution, his dad has the same problem. I want to be a millionaire.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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C&P
A little boy wanted to know what it w as like to have Kshs10,000. His mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed for two weeks but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the Kshs10,000. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, they opened it and decided to send it to President Kibaki . The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Kshs200. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.. (well it did) The little boy was delighted with the Kshs200 and sat down to write a thank-you letter, which read as follows; "Dear God: Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through the government. As usual, those thieves deducted Kshs 9,800 for tax."
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/23/2010 Posts: 182 Location: Kenya
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Overhead how Kibaki has saved majina kwa simu.Kiraitu wa Maguta.Kimunya wa must go,Sonko wa migathi,Ruto wa mbembe,Wangari wa Ithaka, Michuki wa rattlesnake,Uhuru wa Hague,Kosgei wa Prado, Karua wa ihua, Murungaru wa Angro, Ciku wa Bathitedi, PLO wa githogo, Jeff wa Bench, Esther Murugi stripper (*DEAD*), Imanyara wa ikofi, Usain Bolt wa kuorota riua, Karume wa mwananishi, Njonjo wa thuti ya stripes, Atwoli wa kagoti ga purple ( !!), Raila wa nuthu mugeka (half a carpet!!),
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/4/2008 Posts: 1,703
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/26/2009 Posts: 1,793
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gohill wrote:Overhead how Kibaki has saved majina kwa simu.Kiraitu wa Maguta.Kimunya wa must go,Sonko wa migathi,Ruto wa mbembe,Wangari wa Ithaka, Michuki wa rattlesnake,Uhuru wa Hague,Kosgei wa Prado, Karua wa ihua, Murungaru wa Angro, Ciku wa Bathitedi, PLO wa githogo, Jeff wa Bench, Esther Murugi stripper (*DEAD*), Imanyara wa ikofi, Usain Bolt wa kuorota riua, Karume wa mwananishi, Njonjo wa thuti ya stripes, Atwoli wa kagoti ga purple ( !!), Raila wa nuthu mugeka (half a carpet!!),
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/26/2009 Posts: 1,793
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Thiong'o wrote:Dem alishuta next to a mlevi, to cover the smell she ask him unaonaje weather ya 2 day, the mlevi responded ikiendelea hivi kutanyesha mavi!
have been coming back to check if i read this correctly. nime plagiarize it
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/26/2008 Posts: 745
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/24/2010 Posts: 637 Location: Nairobi
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True story stage ya Buru. Passenger;Tao Ngapi? Conda;Mbao tao. Passenger;Niko na Ashu Conda;Hiyo ashuu kanunue avocado ujipake rasa halafu utereze mpaka tao....dere kanyaga. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/24/2009 Posts: 130
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gohill wrote:Overhead how Kibaki has saved majina kwa simu.Kiraitu wa Maguta.Kimunya wa must go,Sonko wa migathi,Ruto wa mbembe,Wangari wa Ithaka, Michuki wa rattlesnake,Uhuru wa Hague,Kosgei wa Prado, Karua wa ihua, Murungaru wa Angro, Ciku wa Bathitedi, PLO wa githogo, Jeff wa Bench, Esther Murugi stripper (*DEAD*), Imanyara wa ikofi, Usain Bolt wa kuorota riua, Karume wa mwananishi, Njonjo wa thuti ya stripes, Atwoli wa kagoti ga purple ( !!), Raila wa nuthu mugeka (half a carpet!!), Kalonzo wa katikati yao.
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/24/2009 Posts: 130
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