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Intelligentsia
#951 Posted : Thursday, November 10, 2011 4:19:52 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 10/1/2009
Posts: 2,436
Jango's yawa!!!


A Luo enters into a pharmacy.

Omondi: "Attendant please equip me with that elastic, spherically, shaped polythene as i want to ensure maximum safety against procreation at that particular time in which my gland will have attained the necessary blood supply to facilitate rhythmic copulation."

Shop attendant: " hiyo hatuna"

Omondi: "Si ndio hiyo CONDOMS ako juu ya kichwa wako, ama hutaki kuniusia?"
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Thiong'o
#952 Posted : Thursday, November 10, 2011 4:50:36 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/14/2011
Posts: 661
Letter to Mr. Bill Gates

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. One doubt is whether any 're -scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,
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dossy7
#953 Posted : Thursday, November 10, 2011 5:18:27 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 12/9/2009
Posts: 1,493
Location: Nairobi

A husband crawls back home drunk on night. Next day he wakes up with a hangover and sees that the whole house is clean and his shirts are laundered and there is a breakfast already prepared.
So he asks his son: "Hey Billy, what is up, why is your mother so nice to me considering my condition last night?"
Billy answers: "Well, yesterday when she was pulling your pants off you were yelling 'Get away from me, bitch! I'm married!'"

Enjoy ur wknd wazuans
Kenya ni yetu sisi sote
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Jus Blazin
#954 Posted : Friday, November 11, 2011 12:20:36 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 10/23/2008
Posts: 3,966
KCSE 2011: Using Nicole's "Aki inawaka moto" discuss allegory that Muturi is a fire fighter. (25 marks, compulsory question)
Luck is when Preparation meets Opportunity. ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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carygoh
#955 Posted : Friday, November 11, 2011 2:36:42 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 5/4/2008
Posts: 1,703
..
Think Positive Test Negative
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  | | Edit by user: Friday, November 11, 2011 2:46 PM | Reason: Not specified
wakagori
#956 Posted : Friday, November 11, 2011 3:06:44 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 7/12/2010
Posts: 201
BREAKING NEWS: Kenyan government so amazed by 11/11/11 that it declares that next year, 12/12/12 will be a public holiday.
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Burning Spear
#957 Posted : Friday, November 11, 2011 4:09:38 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 7/22/2008
Posts: 1,139
Jus Blazin wrote:
KCSE 2011: Using Nicole's "Aki inawaka moto" discuss allegory that Muturi is a fire fighter. (25 marks, compulsory question)


a gud questionLaughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
"You're not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who says it". Malcolm X
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For Sport
#958 Posted : Friday, November 11, 2011 4:31:28 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 12/23/2010
Posts: 1,229
Worst recommendations / comments by bosses:

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

His men would follow him anywhere… but only out of morbid curiosity.

I would not allow this employee to breed.

This employee is really not so much of a ‘has-been’, but more of a definite ‘won’t be’.

Works well when under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat in a trap.

When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.

This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them
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2012
#959 Posted : Friday, November 11, 2011 4:57:49 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 12/9/2009
Posts: 6,592
Location: Nairobi
c/p

Drinking and driving is extremely dangerous.

on sunday evening while driving home, my close friend, while holding a beer can, took his hand out the window to indicate that he's turning right................

.......... and someone took his beer!!!!!

BBI will solve it :)
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Kratos
#960 Posted : Friday, November 11, 2011 5:36:05 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 1,694
2012 wrote:
c/p

Drinking and driving is extremely dangerous.

on sunday evening while driving home, my close friend, while holding a beer can, took his hand out the window to indicate that he's turning right................

.......... and someone took his beer!!!!!



Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly ..... being a FridayLaughing out loudly it wouldn't be wise to do that

“People will believe a big lie sooner than a little one, and if you repeat it frequently enough, people will sooner or later believe it.” ― Walter C. Langer
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294 Pages«<9495969798>»
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