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Thank God its Friday - Quotes for Today
StatMeister
#1 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 9:14:59 AM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 5/23/2010
Posts: 868
Location: La Islas Galápagos
C&P

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
2. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
3. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
4. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
5. Knowledge is knowing is a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
6. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
7. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
8. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
9. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station

A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
StatMeister
#2 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 9:17:03 AM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 5/23/2010
Posts: 868
Location: La Islas Galápagos
C&P

Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class.

Madam asked, 'VASANT. What is your problem?'

VASANT answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My friend is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than him! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the VASANT to the principal's office. While VASANT waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the VASANT a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.

She agreed.

VASANT was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
VASANT: '9'.

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
VASANT: '36'.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think VASANT can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions to ask VASANT. Can I ask him?'

The principal and VASANT both agreed.

Madam asks VASANT: 'what does a cow have four of that I have only two of’?
VASANT, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
VASANT: 'Pockets.'

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
VASANT: Coconut

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, VASANT was taking charge.
VASANT..: Bubblegum

Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
VASANT: Shake hands

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do..
VASANT: Tent

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg..
VASANT: Wedding Ring

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, I feel good.
VASANT: Nose

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
VASANT: Arrow

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
VASANT: Fire truck

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use your hand.
VASANT: Fork

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?
VASANT: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, likes pumping, & is responsible for making love?
VASANT: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send VASANT to UNIVERSITY, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'.

Have a smart Friday
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
Njung'e
#3 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 9:38:48 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 2/7/2007
Posts: 11,935
Location: Nairobi
@Statmeister,
Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly I only got the two arithmetic questions.Hizo za madam nimenoa zote...BK!smile
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
dossy7
#4 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 11:04:34 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 12/9/2009
Posts: 1,493
Location: Nairobi
Vasant is very bright n whem he speaks he defies that quote of light n sound travels very fast.
The boy should be taken to The UON for real.
Hillarious heehehehehe
Kenya ni yetu sisi sote
mnjoro
#5 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 11:09:23 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/21/2009
Posts: 573
@Stameister Made my friday though i failed on most of the questions it was a sweet defeat.
MaichBlack
#6 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 12:08:44 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 7/22/2009
Posts: 7,858
dossy7 wrote:
Vasant is very bright n whem he speaks he defies that quote of light n sound travels very fast.
The boy should be taken to The UON for real.
Hillarious heehehehehe

Why not to one of those universities named after people???

Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.
For Sport
#7 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 1:40:24 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 12/23/2010
Posts: 1,229
MaichBlack wrote:
dossy7 wrote:
Vasant is very bright n whem he speaks he defies that quote of light n sound travels very fast.
The boy should be taken to The UON for real.
Hillarious heehehehehe

Why not to one of those universities named after people???


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly

Like Harvard?
StatMeister
#8 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 2:01:17 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 5/23/2010
Posts: 868
Location: La Islas Galápagos
How fast can you guess these words?

1. BOO_S
2. __NDOM
3. F_ _ K
4. P_ N_S
5. PU_S_
6. S_X






Answers:
1.BOOKS
2.RANDOM
3.FORK
4.PANTS
5.PULSE
6.SIX
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
StatMeister
#9 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 2:06:45 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 5/23/2010
Posts: 868
Location: La Islas Galápagos
WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS MEN?

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and never make the first move!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
McReggae
#10 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 2:15:41 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/17/2008
Posts: 23,365
Location: Nairobi
StatMeister wrote:
How fast can you guess these words?

1. BOO_S
2. __NDOM
3. F_ _ K
4. P_ N_S
5. PU_S_
6. S_X






Answers:
1.BOOKS
2.RANDOM
3.FORK
4.PANTS
5.PULSE
6.SIX


My guesses were:
1. BOOqS
2. oɔNDOM
3. FɔnK
4. PǝNıS
5. PUsSʎ
6. SǝX
..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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