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Thank God its Friday - Quotes for Today
StatMeister
#1 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 9:14:59 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 5/23/2010
Posts: 868
Location: La Islas Galápagos
C&P

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
2. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
3. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
4. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
5. Knowledge is knowing is a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
6. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
7. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
8. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
9. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station

A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
StatMeister
#2 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 9:17:03 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 5/23/2010
Posts: 868
Location: La Islas Galápagos
C&P

Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class.

Madam asked, 'VASANT. What is your problem?'

VASANT answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My friend is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than him! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the VASANT to the principal's office. While VASANT waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the VASANT a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.

She agreed.

VASANT was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
VASANT: '9'.

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
VASANT: '36'.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think VASANT can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions to ask VASANT. Can I ask him?'

The principal and VASANT both agreed.

Madam asks VASANT: 'what does a cow have four of that I have only two of’?
VASANT, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
VASANT: 'Pockets.'

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
VASANT: Coconut

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, VASANT was taking charge.
VASANT..: Bubblegum

Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
VASANT: Shake hands

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do..
VASANT: Tent

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg..
VASANT: Wedding Ring

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, I feel good.
VASANT: Nose

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
VASANT: Arrow

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
VASANT: Fire truck

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use your hand.
VASANT: Fork

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?
VASANT: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, likes pumping, & is responsible for making love?
VASANT: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send VASANT to UNIVERSITY, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'.

Have a smart Friday
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
Njung'e
#3 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 9:38:48 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 2/7/2007
Posts: 11,935
Location: Nairobi
@Statmeister,
Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly I only got the two arithmetic questions.Hizo za madam nimenoa zote...BK!smile
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
dossy7
#4 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 11:04:34 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 12/9/2009
Posts: 1,491
Location: Nairobi
Vasant is very bright n whem he speaks he defies that quote of light n sound travels very fast.
The boy should be taken to The UON for real.
Hillarious heehehehehe
Kenya ni yetu sisi sote
mnjoro
#5 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 11:09:23 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 2/21/2009
Posts: 573
@Stameister Made my friday though i failed on most of the questions it was a sweet defeat.
MaichBlack
#6 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 12:08:44 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/22/2009
Posts: 7,468
dossy7 wrote:
Vasant is very bright n whem he speaks he defies that quote of light n sound travels very fast.
The boy should be taken to The UON for real.
Hillarious heehehehehe

Why not to one of those universities named after people???

Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.
For Sport
#7 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 1:40:24 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 12/23/2010
Posts: 1,229
MaichBlack wrote:
dossy7 wrote:
Vasant is very bright n whem he speaks he defies that quote of light n sound travels very fast.
The boy should be taken to The UON for real.
Hillarious heehehehehe

Why not to one of those universities named after people???


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly

Like Harvard?
StatMeister
#8 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 2:01:17 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 5/23/2010
Posts: 868
Location: La Islas Galápagos
How fast can you guess these words?

1. BOO_S
2. __NDOM
3. F_ _ K
4. P_ N_S
5. PU_S_
6. S_X






Answers:
1.BOOKS
2.RANDOM
3.FORK
4.PANTS
5.PULSE
6.SIX
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
StatMeister
#9 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 2:06:45 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 5/23/2010
Posts: 868
Location: La Islas Galápagos
WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS MEN?

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and never make the first move!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
McReggae
#10 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 2:15:41 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 6/17/2008
Posts: 23,365
Location: Nairobi
StatMeister wrote:
How fast can you guess these words?

1. BOO_S
2. __NDOM
3. F_ _ K
4. P_ N_S
5. PU_S_
6. S_X






Answers:
1.BOOKS
2.RANDOM
3.FORK
4.PANTS
5.PULSE
6.SIX


My guesses were:
1. BOOqS
2. oɔNDOM
3. FɔnK
4. PǝNıS
5. PUsSʎ
6. SǝX
..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
McReggae
#11 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 2:43:34 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 6/17/2008
Posts: 23,365
Location: Nairobi
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed - Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
carygoh
#12 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 2:48:15 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 5/4/2008
Posts: 1,703
StatMeister wrote:
WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS MEN?

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and never make the first move!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.


true true
Think Positive Test Negative
KulaRaha
#13 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 2:56:59 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/26/2007
Posts: 6,514
THE CREDIT DOWNGRADE HAS HIT EVERYBODY HARD!!!
-My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail
-CEO's are now playing putt-putt golf.
-Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
-I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
-If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
-McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
-Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
-Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
-My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
-A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
-A picture is now only worth 200 words.
-When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
-The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Business opportunities are like buses,there's always another one coming
StatMeister
#14 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 3:43:48 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 5/23/2010
Posts: 868
Location: La Islas Galápagos
KulaRaha wrote:
THE CREDIT DOWNGRADE HAS HIT EVERYBODY HARD!!!

-If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.



Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
Poleni all bankers
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
StatMeister
#15 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 4:15:41 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 5/23/2010
Posts: 868
Location: La Islas Galápagos
C&P

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock: Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock: What ya mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old cock: Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.

Young cock: O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meter run from here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young cock: No problem! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might. Soon enough he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, BANG! ..... Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed,

"Damn! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week!”
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
Intelligentsia
#16 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 5:15:38 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 10/1/2009
Posts: 2,436

@Stat...hiyo ya Vasant is deadly.
I have officially resigned from adulthood. smile
simonkabz
#17 Posted : Friday, August 19, 2011 7:12:02 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 3/2/2007
Posts: 8,776
Location: Cameroon
Lol! Huyo jogoo mzee ako na malice jo..
TULIA.........UFUNZWE!
StatMeister
#18 Posted : Friday, September 02, 2011 11:43:55 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 5/23/2010
Posts: 868
Location: La Islas Galápagos
C&P

I always give 100% at work: 10% Monday; 20% Tuesday; 30% Wednesday; 40% Thursday; 0% Friday
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
MaichBlack
#19 Posted : Friday, September 02, 2011 11:56:02 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/22/2009
Posts: 7,468
StatMeister wrote:
C&P

I always give 100% at work: 10% Monday; 20% Tuesday; 30% Wednesday; 40% Thursday; 0% Friday

Reminds me of the Redykulas joke on the new constitution. "Kiriatu" was asked about NARC's promise to deliver a new constitution in a hundred days and he said:

"Yes. We promised to deliver a new constitution in 100 days but we never said they would be consecutive! In January we did 2 days, in February 4 days, in March 1 day...".

That joke just cracked me up!
Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.
2 Miles
#20 Posted : Friday, September 02, 2011 11:57:24 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 10/26/2010
Posts: 125
Life is uncertain.............eat dessert first
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