@Mlefu... Any idea where I can get these mugithi CDs... You know the ones that qualify one to be a failed father..

I love you Skerians. You are the best.

Live hard,die hard.

A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed,so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. 'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person to enter my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and,when questioned by the police,was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents,embezzled from his employer,had an affair with his boss' wife,taken illegal drugs and he had given VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had,indeed,come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.' Just as the priest finished his talk,the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. 'I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact,I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession.....'

Everybody burst into laughter.... !!!!

Moral of the story: DON'T BE LATE for meetings.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't..

At the police academy,John was tasked with the most unenviable task of being the bearer of bad news to other cadets. With no prior training for the job,John's delivery of the news would be so brutal and devoid of any humane considerations.This would inevitably traumatize his recipients,so much so that most of them would end up being hospitalized. This came to the attention of his superiors and John was summoned. After a dressing down and a bit of couching,John was dispatched again with a message to deliver to James a cadet in the academy.After a thoughtful reflection and aiming to get it right this time,he called a parade. Calling everyone to attention he readied himself to make the announcement....'all those officers whose grandmas are alive,step this side....not so fast James......!!!'

Patience Pays in Guaranteed Checks

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

'Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOODNESS!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!

Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!

We need more butter. Oh my GOODNESS! WHERE are we going to get MORE
BUTTER?

They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!

Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't
forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use
the salt. USE THE SALT!

The wife stared at him. 'What the heck is wrong with you? You
think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied,'I wanted to show you what it feels
like when I'm driving......

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't..