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Somethin to cool dem nerves
marko
#51 Posted : Wednesday, June 24, 2009 1:15:00 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 1/7/2007
Posts: 838
No matter how hard you try,you can't baptize cats.

When your mom is mad at your dad,don't let her brush your hair.

If your sister hits you,don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.

Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

School lunches stick to the wall.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

It's hard to unlearn a bad word.

Ask Why until you understand.

It's easier to see the mistakes on someone else's paper.

A pencil without an eraser may as well just be a pen.

It's only fun to play school when you're the teacher.

Sometimes the best one in the play has the fewest lines.

Twelve is a lot older than eight.

Crawling still gets you there.

If you want a kitten,start out by asking for a horse.

Your room gets smaller as you get bigger.

You can't start over just because you're losing the game.

A snow day is more fun than a vacation day.

All libraries smell the same.

Ask where things come from.

Don't nod on the phone.

WHO DARES WINS
WHO DARES WINS
marko
#52 Posted : Wednesday, June 24, 2009 1:16:00 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 1/7/2007
Posts: 838
At an art exhibition,a couple was viewing a painting of three very naked and very black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on the ends of the bench had black penises,but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.

While the couple was scratching their heads trying to figure this out,the artist walked by and noticed the couple's confusion. 'Can I help you with this painting?' he asked.

'Well,yes' said the gentleman. We were curious about this picture of the black men on the bench. Why is it that the man in the middle has a pink penis?'

'Oh' said the artist. 'I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not Africans,they're coal miners,and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch..'


WHO DARES WINS
WHO DARES WINS
marko
#53 Posted : Wednesday, June 24, 2009 1:19:00 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 1/7/2007
Posts: 838
A cop caught a drunk just in front of a house,trying
to get in.
'Are you sure this is your house?' the cop asked the
thoroughly sozzled man.
'Shertainly,' said the drunk,'an' if you'll jesh open
the door f'me,I'll prove it to you.'
'You shee that piano?' the drunk began. 'Thash mine.
You shee that TV?
Thash mine,too. Follow me,follow me.'
The police officer followed as he shakily negotiated
the stairs to the
second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door
they came to.
'Thish ish my bedroom,' he announced. 'Shee that bed?
Thash my bed.
Shee that woman lying in the bed? Thash my wife. And
shee that guy lying next to her?'
'Yeah,' said the cop suspiciously.
'Thash me!'

WHO DARES WINS
WHO DARES WINS
marex
#54 Posted : Friday, August 05, 2011 11:03:38 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/4/2007
Posts: 656
Bree wrote:
MR. BEAN:




BRAIN TUMOR :

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course,do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!



2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL :

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
M r. Bean: Are you trying to fool me,you've just twisted the figure,the answer is 6!!



3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE :

Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir,vitamin A,B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do,my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!



4) AT AN ATM MACHINE :

Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no.,hee,hee.

Friend: Alright,what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!



5) Marriage :

Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16

Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer,4 poorer,4 better and 4worse.


6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND :

Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me,is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok,I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.

Friend: What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.


7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER :

Mr. Bean: (crying) the doctor called,Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence,my friend.

(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?

Mr. Bean: my sister just called,her mom died too!


8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING :

Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That's alright,me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.


9) SPELLLING LESSON :

Mr. Bean's Son: Dad,what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause
The way I am
simonkabz
#55 Posted : Saturday, August 06, 2011 11:27:48 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/2/2007
Posts: 8,776
Location: Cameroon
marko wrote:
A cop caught a drunk just in front of a house,trying
to get in.
'Are you sure this is your house?' the cop asked the
thoroughly sozzled man.
'Shertainly,' said the drunk,'an' if you'll jesh open
the door f'me,I'll prove it to you.'
'You shee that piano?' the drunk began. 'Thash mine.
You shee that TV?
Thash mine,too. Follow me,follow me.'
The police officer followed as he shakily negotiated
the stairs to the
second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door
they came to.
'Thish ish my bedroom,' he announced. 'Shee that bed?
Thash my bed.
Shee that woman lying in the bed? Thash my wife. And
shee that guy lying next to her?'
'Yeah,' said the cop suspiciously.
'Thash me!'

WHO DARES WINS

Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
TULIA.........UFUNZWE!
marex
#56 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 12:03:41 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/4/2007
Posts: 656
A bachelor is someone who goes to work from 5 different directions in a week
The way I am
Um Sayala
#57 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 12:32:48 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 12/17/2010
Posts: 1,163
Location: Sudan
marko wrote:
At an art exhibition,a couple was viewing a painting of three very naked and very black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on the ends of the bench had black penises,but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.

While the couple was scratching their heads trying to figure this out,the artist walked by and noticed the couple's confusion. 'Can I help you with this painting?' he asked.

'Well,yes' said the gentleman. We were curious about this picture of the black men on the bench. Why is it that the man in the middle has a pink penis?'

'Oh' said the artist. 'I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not Africans,they're coal miners,and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch..'


WHO DARES WINS

Looolest. real lunch that was
"Peace is our profession, War is our business" ...Unknown
marex
#58 Posted : Friday, June 29, 2018 7:54:57 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/4/2007
Posts: 656
There is a difference between



NAKURU CATHOLICS

and

NAKURU CAT HOLICS
The way I am
Swenani
#59 Posted : Friday, June 29, 2018 9:01:54 AM
Rank: User

Joined: 8/15/2013
Posts: 13,237
Location: Vacuum
Um Sayala wrote:
marko wrote:
At an art exhibition,a couple was viewing a painting of three very naked and very black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on the ends of the bench had black penises,but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.

While the couple was scratching their heads trying to figure this out,the artist walked by and noticed the couple's confusion. 'Can I help you with this painting?' he asked.

'Well,yes' said the gentleman. We were curious about this picture of the black men on the bench. Why is it that the man in the middle has a pink penis?'

'Oh' said the artist. 'I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not Africans,they're coal miners,and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch..'


WHO DARES WINS

Looolest. real lunch that was

Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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