The Kilome Chief Chemist claims that Barrack Hussein Obama wants to kill him. His Range Rover was shot at, apparently. He wants protection from the GOK, presumably from the elite Kenyan police who successfully solved Samuel Wanjiru’s suicide mystery, Robert Ouko’s killing (remember the initial story was that he had commit suicide by shooting himself, breaking his own bones and setting himself alight?) and not forgetting Gideon Sonko’s escape from jail to parliament via Buru Buru.
Hebu lets pause
kiasi and re-wind the life tape:
Hivi majuzi, American military and intelligence helicopters swooped on a fortified mansion in Abbottabad, deep in Pakistani territory (a sovereign state) , killed Osama Bin Laden- the world’s No. 1 fugitive - gathered his corpse and ferried it to Afghanistan, did DNA tests to confirm it was him, then promptly ‘’buried’’ him at sea. I postulate that ‘’buried’ at sea simply means they put some weights on his corpse to make it sink as deep as possible into the cold dark ocean waters- fish fodder. The Pakistanis complained- lakini watado? Free memo to Kilome Chief Chemist; if Barrack Hussein Obama wants you dead, you would surely be somewhere in the vicinity of the MV Titanic by now,
wacha kulia bure. Perhaps you should hire some former American Navy seals, marines,
mbutas or whatever they call themselves for protection, you can afford it. While at it, get some American lawyers- black ones- OJ Simpson got away with it,
unaweza kupenya pia.
My mind is bamboozled by the thought of the Chief Chemist’s estimated / speculated / whispered worth, an approximate 50,000,000,000 Kenyan Shillings (US$750 million). 50,000,000,000 !
Ai Yawa ! Finje na Nine Zeros !
Let me try and unpack this amount to my ‘middle-class-struggling-
mwanainchi-level’. I imagine even the ATM machines would reject my card. I mean, instead of those silly messages telling me politely that I cannot withdraw any funds-
yaani hebu iishia wewe pumbavi! hauna any! umesota mazi ya kuku!….The poor ATM would probably think an error has been made and malfunction- blink blankly like a cocaine addict trying to solve some albegra.
What would I do if I was worth 50,000,000,000? I would simply go crazy, like a monkey in a banana plantation.
• No more White Cap or any frothy lagers- only choice 10 year and 20 year single malts.
•
Hizo mitumba za Japan? Never! think Cadillac Escalade, Range Rover Sport and the like
•
Chips Funga za ma-colle, campus, Westlands, Eastlands? Sahau mbuyu- all those Brazilian and Jamaican models with
madiabas as big as Migingo Island whose exquisite and erotic photos we email each other to brighten our dreary rat race office days on the menu-
PAP!• Mmmm…… all those ‘’investments/
biashara’’ ideas would move from the dusty cob-webby shelves deep in the recesses of my
ubongo to reality.
Instead of hassling for ¼ acre in Mlololongo and trawling WAZUA for ‘investments’, I would be sniffing for prime land
huko Runda with Kamlesh, Ketan and Deepak.
• I would stop spending sleep-less nights counting mosquitoes as they buzz around- wondering how and when I would buy a flat in Kileleleshwa.
• Weekend?
Sahau kucheki ball Kengeles, I would fly to Anfield straight and sip single malts with Gerrard after the game.
My mind just freezes at the thought- after religiously getting fed on a diet of brokenness, budget, rationing , ma loan, ma matumbo quarter for close to forty years, its just can’t compute 50,000,000,000 rationally .
What would you do with KSH 50,000,000,000?
Nibble on that thought…
Au sio?'' The European condemns the Africans for having two wives yet he keeps two mistresses'' - Jomo Kenyatta