I woke up on Wednesday feeling good because I thought I would spent the day at home, watching Madaraka day celebrations and bonding with kids. But that was not to be. First of all when I woke up at 9.00 am, I found that Mama watoto had already placed everything in the living room on top of another! “I want to do some thorough and personalised cleaning today”. She announced. She also gave the bedroom a similar treat, turning upside down everything... I stood there thinking what I will spend the day doing. A quick think came up...I will also take my Probox for a thorough cleaning next to Lalaamkahapa bar.
After the usual directions of ‘osha ndani na nje na usiguse engine’ to the car washer, I headed to the bar. I found the barmaids watching the celebrations and selling soda to the foolish ones who were waiting for Mututho time. You see, I became clever when Mututho came up with his rules; I went and bought a water bottle. l always fill the water bottle with Smirnoff and I can drink it whenever I want and at whatever time I choose. I took my water bottle and started drinking my ‘water’.
After a few gulps, I found myself reaching for my phone and calling Kasamu. Kasamu ni mundu wa nyi (my bosom friend). He is a voice of reason. Had it been not for him, I would be long gone. With some economy of words, like a poet, I told him to hurry lest he will regret for the rest of his life why he delayed for a minute. I have a way of making Kasamu do things quickly for me except when he is splitting timber. That one he will finish and then attend to me. Since he was not splitting any timber, he came very fast. I told him I was just about to finish my Smirnoff and thought it fair to invite him. He did not mind coming to a bar in red shorts and a T-shirt that looked like he had just finished struggling with a cow to get it out of its mouth!.
Now, we were seated there enjoying the water when Kasamu got interested in the match past as NYS lads did their thing at Nyayo stadium. He said, ‘this reminds me of my NYS days before I went to varsity. Did I tell you that I have never got a worse insult that the one I got from Kovulo Kofa. Imagine somebody telling you ati Kijana, sura kama kiatu, tena wasiwasi mwiingi kama suruali ya Malaya mwisho wa mwezi’. I looked at Kasamu and felt a lot of sympathy for him. I started imagining how hio suruali inaweza kuwa na wasiwasi. Haijui ikae ikivaliwa ama iachwe...ni kuvaa kuvua,kuvaa kuvua, kuvaa kuvua. I seriously felt a lot of sympathy for my friend. The only time I have ever been insulted was when a university colleague told me, ‘ peleka hio boro yako kubwa kama ya punda huko. I did not even take that as an insult but rather took it like a complement. On this world there are people who know how to insult. Oh yeah , I also remember at NYS when I was doing push ups and when i was on the 25th one I could only push my buttocks up and down. Then nikaambiwa, ‘Kijana Mukamba, zidi kutomba mchanga’.
Anyway, events that happened many many years wear not going to spoil our day. Kasamu is always a man of ideas. He comes up with plans very fast. My friend,’ it is long since we visited Machakos town, the town that we worked in immediately after KU’. If I have not told I worked there as a trained graduate teacher with a salary of ksh 3890 plus ksh 1500 house allowance and the Area Education Inspector has to check whether you are actually living in the house you were claiming money for. You see TSC thought that teachers if given a chance would join foxes in sleeping and living in holes! Those days were bad...But thank God!
We started going to Machakos town. Had a drink almost in every pub along the way. By the time we arrived in Mks, Kasamu could not remember where he was, though he was the driver. Being more sober than him, I told him to go to Igourds nightclub...There there are usually many good and clean college girls. We landed there and asked for more drinks. As soon as we sat down we started seeing girls eyeing us. One thing I have known as I live in this world is, girls will smell money a thousand kilometres away. It doesn’t matter whether your Tshirt has been chewed by a cow, like that of Kasamu, or not. I asked two of them seated next to us if they could join us, to which they obliged. I knew with Kasamu around, the chances of fornicating were very slim. He has always been a very sober person when it comes to women...But the other things he does...wacha wewe.
Now, we continued drinking and the ladies thought we were completely drunk and so asked us if we could go with them. Kasamu jumped from his seat and asked them to repeat what they had said. He told them that he did not need a woman because in his house he had left a turbo charged engine that was running very efficiently. But he told the ladies that he will give them 3 k each if they did what he wanted. They asked him what and he told them, ‘ I want you to sell me the panties you are wearing’, What? One of the ladies screamed. Kasamu repeated the same message. To me this did not surprise me because I have always known Kasamu as a man who will do stuff. I asked him why we should do this. He told me, ‘It is better to commit a half sin than a whole sin’. To this I agreed. The ladies looked at each. Kasamu repeated, ‘Put ngotha on the table and chomoka with 3 k each. Any time I may be leaving and you will lose 3k. They thought for a moment. Then I saw one of them reach for hers, peel it and hand it over to Kasamu. It was a string. The other one too put hers on the table. We examined them carefully, with precison of a watchmaker, as if we were buying beef, then Kasamu reached for his pocket and paid out. One of them had a Marks and Spencer label...So we knew that was a mutumba right away!!! When Kasamu saw this, he remarked, ‘mtumba unavalishwa mtumba!!!’
Kasamu never ceases to amaze me. He told me that in order to enjoy maximum purchase of panties, each had to wear one on his head as a hat and get on the dance floor and get down on it... We donned our headgears and headed for the floor. What happened after that is a story for another day... What a Madaka day!!!
PS: If you want me to clad in that panty as a cap during the mbuzi session, please let me know. See you all on sato.