C&P
A boy turns up at school with his cat peeping out of his bag. hes teacher is very puzzled and ask Tommy what is that cat doing at school today.Tommy says I heard the postman telling mum when the kids go to school im going to eat your pussy! He was chinese so i wasnt taking any f@#kin chances..

I think Atwoli can achieve this is 3 months flat

THIS IS HOW IT STARTED:
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
> and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> 'Yes,'
>
> I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
>
> right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't
>
> been sober since.'
> 'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
> And then the fight started...


> A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
> Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
> The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Crap’..
> That must be my husband!'
> So
>
> the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.
>
> He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his
>
> car as fast as he could go.
> A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
> The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
> And then the fight started.....


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
> I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
> I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
> and she processed my Social Security application. < /div>
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
> And then the fight started...


> My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
> She asked, 'What's on TV?'
> I said, 'Dust.'
> And then the fight started...
>
>
>
>
>
>
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
> I bought her a scale.
> And then the fight started...

OUCH

Joe, a successful man by most standards, began to be bothered by some incredible headaches. When both his professional life and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who claimed he could solve the problem.

"The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles," said the doctor.

Joe was shocked and depressed, but decided he had no choice but to accept the operation.

He left the hospital wearing a diaper under his clothing, but his mind was clear and no headache. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He decided then and there that he could make a new beginning and live a more fulfilling life.

As he walked past a men's clothing store, he thought, "That's what I need, a new suit." Joe entered the shop and told the salesman: "I'd like to see some of your suits."

The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see . . . size 44 long."

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job," replied the salesman. Joe tried on the suit and it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"

Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure . . " The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see . . . .34 sleeve and 17 neck."

Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

It's my job," said the salesman. Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe looked in the mirror and adjusted the collar, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"

Joe was on a roll, so he said, "Sure . . . "

The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see. . 9 Wide."

Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"

It's my job," said the salesman. Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"

Joe thought for a second, and said, "Sure . . . "

The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see ... size 36." Joe laughed and said, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head and said, "You shouldn't wear a size 34. Eventually it will press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

Joe fainted.

If Wanjiru were to replace Rudisha in tht Kiwi advert:

1. Hata kambra makwende Njapan.

2. Hata kambra mafuje rekondi ya Mbeijin

3. Hata kambra mafunge chips funga

4. Hata kambra mafujike chingo

5.Hata kambra Marijaribu high jump kwa mbarocony


6. Marikuwa mameng'aricha iratu