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The Things men do!!!
Magigi
#1 Posted : Friday, May 27, 2011 12:03:28 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/31/2008
Posts: 7,081
Location: Kenya
...Having been in the bush for some time, I arrived in town and decided to ‘walk around’ to see what the town had to offer- call it a Saturday of carousal if you want. I called three of my buddies and headed to Westlands where we settled at Pizza Garden. As the night wore on and as we continued sipping, we started losing touch and kila mtu akaanza kwenda kivyake, as is usual with men when they imbibe one too many. When I felt I had had enough of Pizza Garden, I headed straight to my car ready to go home. When I reached the University roundabout, I told myself, “can’t a man pass through K-street and have an appetizer before getting ready for the main course at home”. My friend had told me that having an appetizer is just a drive down K-street as you entertain your eyes- nothing more. By the time you get to the end of it, you are already fully charged for the main course at home. My friend had told me it goes in this order: appetizer, main course and desert- dessert is morning glory, which he has told me he is not very keen on as his wife has a tendency of sneaking out of bed when he is not aware to go to work and countless efforts to pin her down so that he can have the dessert had borne no fruit.

Such efforts included tying her leg on his after the main course so that as she wakes up he can hear and grab her and do as God wants us to do when we are married. But she had always untied the rope thinking that the drink was driving her husband crazy. Another effort was to set the alarm. My friend is a very heavy sleeper and so the alarm could pass without hearing... He had told me that his snore is louder than a generator of 40 KVA. so he gave up on the dessert.

Back to K-street. As I was driving down the street, I saw a strange appetizer, an appetizer that will linger in my mind for many many years to come. There was this lady with long legs and she was sitting outside with her legs displaying what she was trading, what she was blessed with. Around what she was blessed with, there was so much hair...To jog your memory, see the hair of Michael Jackson when he was young and before he started burning his hair and applying grease...Picture that afro hair sitting around the trading floor or as @Mwende would call it, the cave...

I thought of stopping...no no, I think I stopped because when you are driving at a speed of 2 Km/h it is like you are not moving...Of course she now displayed all that was on offer. I got so appetized that you want to throw all care to the wind and just have the main meal not cooked by your wife there and then? I felt like that. Those who have taken trimetabol, the one that mama watoto buys for children so that they can eat well, know what i mean. After afew minutes you are tempted to drive to Tuskys and eat those gizzards @Impunity feeds on, the ones that he swallows whole like a snake and therefore does not feel the sand...You feel like feeding on anything. It doesn’t matter whether you will gain weight to an extent of going to Mlolongo Weighbridge, to line alongside those trailers, to weigh yourself...That is the urge I had...

But, my friend...we call him Kasamu...had told me to always think twice before you attempt anything. So I told myself that I am going to think twice and the only way I could think twice was to drive round and come back again. By the time I got there, I would have decided whether to have the main meal or not. So I started going round... now as I accelerated to negotiate the corner and come back, I looked back and saw a sleek Range Rover behind me. A Range Rover that looked like one spotted at coast province during an erection, sorry an election in one of those constituencies. So I went thinking and as I thought, I remembered what my grandfather used to tell me, “Kaminda akiie na ki waite” ( Kaminda escaped with what he had eaten) So I had made up my mind that I will snatch. Now when I was about to arrive where I had left her, I saw her getting into the Range Rover. She was taken. I had lost her. I cursed myself and called myself all sorts of names, including small head, slow thinker , Magigi ABK etc. That is when i learnt that some men don’t take chances... and opportunity presents itself and pap, they get it. I think that is why some of us will remain poor...Never take chances...

I went home...my man pointing noon and attacked the real main dish like a leopard...And she liked it...After all the appetizer theory worked!!! I am waiting to narrate the story to Kasamu on Saturday!!!

Now, yesterday, I passed there at that particular time to see if I could get appetised. But she was not there. I think the Range Rover guy kept her for good...THE THINGS MEN DO...


simonkabz
#2 Posted : Friday, May 27, 2011 12:59:52 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/2/2007
Posts: 8,776
Location: Cameroon
Hehe the LAP OF HONOUR...very popular.
TULIA.........UFUNZWE!
cmk
#3 Posted : Friday, May 27, 2011 7:03:42 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 1/24/2008
Posts: 479
nice one,take it to the story story thread
Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do-
Voltaire
Mtu Biz
#4 Posted : Friday, May 27, 2011 7:20:38 AM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 1/16/2007
Posts: 1,320

@ Magigi

Your story is not new.

Consider this story from days gone by.

6 At the window of my house
I looked down through the lattice.
7 I saw among the simple,
I noticed among the young men,
a youth who had no sense.
8 He was going down the street near her corner,
walking along in the direction of her house
9 at twilight, as the day was fading,
as the dark of night set in.

10 Then out came a woman to meet him,
dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent.
11 (She is unruly and defiant,
her feet never stay at home;
12 now in the street, now in the squares,
at every corner she lurks.)
13 She took hold of him and kissed him
and with a brazen face she said:

14 “Today I fulfilled my vows,
and I have food from my fellowship offering at home.
15 So I came out to meet you;
I looked for you and have found you!
16 I have covered my bed
with colored linens from Egypt.
17 I have perfumed my bed
with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.
18 Come, let’s drink deeply of love till morning;
let’s enjoy ourselves with love!
19 My husband is not at home;
he has gone on a long journey.
20 He took his purse filled with money
and will not be home till full moon.”

21 With persuasive words she led him astray;
she seduced him with her smooth talk.
22 All at once he followed her
like an ox going to the slaughter,
like a deer[a] stepping into a noose[b]
23 till an arrow pierces his liver,
like a bird darting into a snare,
little knowing it will cost him his life.

24 Now then, my sons, listen to me;
pay attention to what I say.
25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways
or stray into her paths.
26 Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng.
27 Her house is a highway to the grave,
leading down to the chambers of death


Take heed.



Sola Scriptura


Pastor M
#5 Posted : Friday, May 27, 2011 7:33:48 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 8/18/2009
Posts: 303
@Mtu Biz Applause Applause Applause
also proverbs 5
1 My son, pay attention to my wisdom,
listen well to my words of insight,
2 that you may maintain discretion
and your lips may preserve knowledge.
3 For the lips of an adulteress drip honey,
and her speech is smoother than oil;
4 but in the end she is bitter as gall,
sharp as a double-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death;
her steps lead straight to the grave. [a]
6 She gives no thought to the way of life;
her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.
7 Now then, my sons, listen to me;
do not turn aside from what I say.
8 Keep to a path far from her,
do not go near the door of her house,
9 lest you give your best strength to others
and your years to one who is cruel,
10 lest strangers feast on your wealth
and your toil enrich another man's house.
11 At the end of your life you will groan,
when your flesh and body are spent.
12 You will say, "How I hated discipline!
How my heart spurned correction!
13 I would not obey my teachers
or listen to my instructors.
14 I have come to the brink of utter ruin
in the midst of the whole assembly."
15 Drink clean water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.
16 Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?
17 Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.
18 May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in her the wife of your youth.
Impunity
#6 Posted : Friday, May 27, 2011 7:50:50 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/2/2009
Posts: 26,331
Location: Masada
Ha ha haa.
Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.

callaspade
#7 Posted : Friday, May 27, 2011 8:11:02 AM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 11/12/2009
Posts: 925
.....@magigs.....wachana na mambo ya giggs,fanya hesabu....Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly sorry meant piga hesabu..oops
umeniambukiza ujinga....Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
2 Miles
#8 Posted : Friday, May 27, 2011 8:24:49 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/26/2010
Posts: 125
@ Magigi, that thinking twice part is hilarious.
Forester
#9 Posted : Friday, May 27, 2011 8:53:53 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 12/7/2010
Posts: 520
Location: Epicentre - Ngamia 1
Pastor M wrote:

15 Drink clean water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.
16 Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?
17 Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.
18 May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in her the wife of your youth.


smile smile smile
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs - Farrah Gray.
kimiri
#10 Posted : Friday, May 27, 2011 9:52:56 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 3/12/2008
Posts: 215
@Magigi. Crazy. Are you identical twin brother to “Wanjohi wa Kigogoine” or you are one and the same?
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