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Are you a sperm donor ?
Rank: Elder Joined: 7/23/2008 Posts: 3,017
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For me, I would walk away. Life is too short to be lived in compromise, how can one live with someone who lied to you in such a fundamental way. This does not mean I will stop loving the children, I will still love them and retain the fond memories they have given me. I will even continue supporting them if necessary. "The purpose of bureaucracy is to compensate for incompetence and lack of discipline." James Collins
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,331 Location: Masada
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bwenyenye wrote:Guys,
Call me a coward but, I think,I'd rather not know! I think life is already complicated enough. Yet again, I have done many evil things so ni sawa tu. I could not imagine realising that my little girl,and son ni wa neighour. Then what do I tell them? Nendeni mkaitishe 'baba' yenu pesa ya fees'?. I have accepted that hata kama sio wangu, basi wacha niwapende tu. That was my choice sometime back Aiiii...  Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/18/2011 Posts: 12,069 Location: Kianjokoma
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bwenyenye wrote:Guys,
Call me a coward but, I think,I'd rather not know! I think life is already complicated enough. Yet again, I have done many evil things so ni sawa tu. I could not imagine realising that my little girl,and son ni wa neighour. Then what do I tell them? Nendeni mkaitishe 'baba' yenu pesa ya fees'?. I have accepted that hata kama sio wangu, basi wacha niwapende tu. That was my choice sometime back Yeah, This truth will hurt, unnecessarily.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/11/2007 Posts: 1,680 Location: nairobi
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bwenyenye, how do you cope with it?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 9/7/2010 Posts: 2,148 Location: elderville
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Obi 1 Kanobi wrote:For me, I would walk away. Life is too short to be lived in compromise, how can one live with someone who lied to you in such a fundamental way.
This does not mean I will stop loving the children, I will still love them and retain the fond memories they have given me. I will even continue supporting them if necessary. I like the way you have separated the two. The betrayal from the partner would be too much and in my book unforgivable. However for the children the love would still be there. That is the point I was trying to expain in my post above. Though not as clearly as you have. The other questions would be: would you want to know that the child that you love with all your heart and would not think twice about dying for is biologically yours or not? Would you want to put it in a situation of your conflicted emotions? This would be looking at it from the perspective of the child and not your or your partner`s perspective. And if you were to find that the child is not biologically yours would you direct the anger of betrayal towards it as well? And to clarify I have no reason to doubt that my boy is biologically mine and was only saying that the feelings I have for him are not solely related to my being his biological father but is much more than that. @Bwenyenye I totally agree with your position. He who can express in words the ardour of his love, has but little love to express. - Petrach, Son. (That men by various ways arrive at the same end. - Montaigne, The Essays of.)
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/24/2007 Posts: 1,805
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mlefu wrote:bwenyenye, how do you cope with it? Boss I don't get you. I have no resaon to think the kids are not mine. I also realised that I do not love/ accept the kids only because they are biologically mine..Going through this process if doubting and imagining the worst fears is too much to handle. as for the woman, I did not marry a god not a godess... ni binadamu tu. If we were honest to ourselves, we will realise that we are guilty of worse crimes in the way we have treated our spouses. The issue is that, for women, it is very easy to live with physical consequences whether a kid or abortion. The major difference between modern marrages and those of our fathers is that we go into these marriages hoping to find a god who will pamper us to infinity without asking for anything in return. We forget to give back and keep demanding for OUR rights. A happy marriage comes when you relinquish all your rights and focus on giving. Then you begin to appreciate any little thing you get and you begin to appreciate the person. If you come late from the pub, and she wakes up to open, yet you had carried your own keys ( you should have) you appreciate that ( genuinley and vocally), if she goes on to sleep, wewe shukuru , yet if she heats for you a meal then pia you realise you do not deserve this. Likewise, ladies, when he fuels your car to work, basi shukuru, if he drops you at work then realise you do not deserve it ( not him).If he buys milk for the house, it is not a right, wako wengi wanatafuta kama huyo. A marriage is between TWO people and at most families. My 2 Cents I Think Therefore I Am
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 1,982 Location: matano manne
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Lolest! wrote:bwenyenye wrote:Guys,
Call me a coward but, I think,I'd rather not know! I think life is already complicated enough. Yet again, I have done many evil things so ni sawa tu. I could not imagine realising that my little girl,and son ni wa neighour. Then what do I tell them? Nendeni mkaitishe 'baba' yenu pesa ya fees'?. I have accepted that hata kama sio wangu, basi wacha niwapende tu. That was my choice sometime back Yeah, This truth will hurt, unnecessarily. @All contributors: this is a true story of a guy I know very closely. -He was brought up by his mother only is well educated and has a descent job all courtesy to the mom. At 38 today he has 7 siblings. Out of curiosity he kept probing his mother to tell him who his dad. On this occassion in the presence of his wife and auntie the mother poured out her heart to him as follows: 1. She was not his biological mother. 2. His biological parents abandoned when he was barely 1 week old. 3. His biological father is alive as well as his mother. 4. His "mother" offered to help him trace his biological parents. As hard as it has been for my friend to reconcile to these facts, he has decided he cannot look for the biological parents more so while his "mother" is still alive. Question: Kama ingekuwa wewe ungefanya je?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/18/2011 Posts: 12,069 Location: Kianjokoma
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@rahatupu, it is bad manners for a child to ask a parent about his/her parentage. Why would you care to know who fathered you yet someone else has sweat out to bring you up?
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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Scene 1:
The DNA test reveals that mtoto ni wa a very close friend of yours, or worse still ndungu yako....
Scene 2:
A father has been living with his wifes little brother for more than 15 years, and during one of those serious arguments, the wife gets angry and informs him that, her little brother is actually her son from when she was in form 2......what do you do!!!?
As much as it is good to know some things, some are to painful to take...and hell will break loose if your wife discovers you've done a DNA test...have to take that little secret to your grave, otherwise the house will never be the same again...
How is this donation of sperms done? landing and then releasing the passengers away from the airport?
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/4/2008 Posts: 1,289 Location: Nairobi
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Lolest! wrote:@rahatupu, it is bad manners for a child to ask a parent about his/her parentage.
Why would you care to know who fathered you yet someone else has sweat out to bring you up? I know of situations where couples split and the mama went and got a kid out there when it could not have been the hubby. Imagine some of them have trooped back to their hubbies and had the kid brought up by these fathers. Some get to know who the real dad is but it only complicates issues as they have two dads and one mum with loyalty to all.
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