@forsport,

Abby asked a question and we are here to help,what break are you talking about.

@Abby,u dissapeared without giving us more information about your nagging/mature wife

...kwani her brother died with his wife...? Why cant she support them as they live with their mother or grandmother? If the situation does not change run...run...run brother.

Two issues.

1. Mature suggests that she is older than the guy - is that the problem?
2. Adopting boys mean you have to deal with succession issues - will the guy bequeath some moolah to them when he croaks? (Yes, you can say I'm a male chauvinist pig, but its in my genes and I cant erase it)

IMHO, I always thought "Abby" was a socket name...I'm shocked!!
Anyway,back to the issue at hand...if the wife to the brother exists, then she should take care of the boys or her relatives. It doesn't matter her lifestyle...one may be so kind to raise the kids, and then she comes back to pick the boys after all the hard work.
Now, about your friend, @Abby, the dude is already feeling threatened, he will raise the tu-boys and yet bado hana wake with this lady. Men have this ego thing with getting a son...maybe to inherit their "wealth", but times are changing, constitution ni mpya pia.
And in my opinion, it is not wise to marry a chic just because she has your baby...big mistake!! unless roho ishapenda...

Thanks.

I think we are going somewhere now. The man (my friend) helps his daughter.

What he's not sure is what to do in the long term to safeguard the interests of his daughter.... it is unlikely he is going to marry the lady in question.

Any thoughts?

May be the two boys compounded the matter.

But tell me: is there a man out there who can willingly taken on to raise two boys when there are other people who can help in raising one boy and he raises the other?

I would wish to know, kindly.

These guys clearly had problems from kitambo... the boy issue is just the icing. But i do understand where he is coming from.

If the children have their mother, let her take care of them and they help them when she is with them. If she is that irresponsible, how about taking them to boarding school and they can only come back during the holidays so their mother will not have a lot of time to spend with them... alternatively, during the holidays, they can go to their grandmother... (i presume the lady has parents)

Ok, assuming even if the children were put up with the grandparents, boarding or another relative he still wont marry the lady, he can

1. discuss with the lady the possibility of him taking his daughter and staying with her (it is unlikely a woman with such strong sense of responsibility and maturity will allow him take her child)

2. He can discuss with her on which aspects of the child he will get involved in eg, he pays schoolfees for the child, may be rent, create time to be picking up the child to spend time with her etc

3. close his yes, get into it, wade in the misery and join the MbM club... He Will Never Walk Alone

But seriously, i think except for the fact that the lady seems to have a strong personality that makes him feel overshadowed or out of control, he still has a soft spot for this woman....