The government spokesman Dr. Alfred Mutua has just ended a press conference where he explained how Kenyans with friends and relatives who are Arsenal fans can ensure they don't commit suicide after today's game.
He has also indicated that the government has provided powerful sleeping pills which also clear the short term memory. An Arsenal fan will have the memory of the previous 8 hours wiped out in addition to sleeping for 48 hours. Every Kenyan is encouraged to find a way of slipping this pill into any Arsenal fans they know immediately before, during or immediately after the game. The pills are available free of charge at all government run heath centres.
Other measures the government has taken include the introduction of a fake TV station - channel 63. If you are unable to slip the pill in an Arsenal fan's drink/food, you are encouraged to tune to the station [with the said fan still around] immediately after the game. The TV station will report that according to the new FIFA rules - where boys playing against men are given more chances to win a game - there will be a replay at the Emirates and Barcelona will not be allowed to have a goal keeper. You can seek professional help for the Arsenal fan as he is waiting for the 'replay'.
It has also been declared that it is a criminal offense/an act of negligence not to put any Arsenal fan you know under suicide watch for the next 72 hours. Same applies for Saturday 12th March 2011.
For more information on how to avoid Arsenal Suicides, click on the link below:
www.Kenya-gov.go.ke/arsenal/suicide-watch/kenya# Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.