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Rank: Member Joined: 1/24/2011 Posts: 407 Location: Nairobi,Kenya
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It's not difficult to make a woman happy.. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynaecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY1. Show up naked 2. Bring alcohol Hope is not a strategy
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/26/2010 Posts: 125
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A father passing by his teenage
daughter ' s bedroom was astonished
to see the bed was nicely made and
everything was neat and tidy . Then he
saw an envelope propped up
prominently on the center of the
pillow. It was addressed 'Dad'. With
the worst premonition, he opened the
envelope and read the letter with
trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that
I 'm writing you, but I 'm leaving home .
I had to elope with my new boyfriend
Randy because I wanted to avoid a
scene with Mom and you. I 've been
finding real passion with Randy and
he is so nice to me. I know when you
meet him you'll like him too - even
with all his piercing , tattoos , and
motorcycle clothes. But it 's not only
the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and
Randy said that he wants me to have
the kid and that we can be very happy
together . Even though Randy is much
older than me ( anyway, 42 isn't so old
these days is it?) , and has no money ,
really these things shouldn't stand in
the way of our relationship , don 't you
agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he
already owns a trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood . It 's true
he has other girlfriends as well but I
know he'll be faithful to me in his own
way. He wants to have many more
children with me and that's now one
of my dreams too .
Randy taught me that marijuana
doesn't really hurt anyone and he 'll
be growing it for us and we'll trade it
with our friends for all the cocaine
and ecstasy we want. In the
meantime , we 'll pray that science will
find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get
better; he sure deserves it!!
Don 't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old
now and I know how to take care of
myself . Someday I'm sure we 'll be
back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren .
Your loving daughter ,
Suzie .
At the bottom of the page were the
letters 'PTO' .
Hands still trembling, her father
turned the sheet , and read :
PS :
Dad, none of the above is true. I 'm
over at the neighbour 's house . I just
wanted to remind you that there are
worse things in life than my report
card that's in my desk center drawer .
Please sign it and call when it is safe
for me to come home.
I LOVE YOU!!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2009 Posts: 2,375
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2 Miles wrote:A father passing by his teenage
daughter ' s bedroom was astonished
to see the bed was nicely made and
everything was neat and tidy . Then he
saw an envelope propped up
prominently on the center of the
pillow. It was addressed 'Dad'. With
the worst premonition, he opened the
envelope and read the letter with
trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that
I 'm writing you, but I 'm leaving home .
I had to elope with my new boyfriend
Randy because I wanted to avoid a
scene with Mom and you. I 've been
finding real passion with Randy and
he is so nice to me. I know when you
meet him you'll like him too - even
with all his piercing , tattoos , and
motorcycle clothes. But it 's not only
the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and
Randy said that he wants me to have
the kid and that we can be very happy
together . Even though Randy is much
older than me ( anyway, 42 isn't so old
these days is it?) , and has no money ,
really these things shouldn't stand in
the way of our relationship , don 't you
agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he
already owns a trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood . It 's true
he has other girlfriends as well but I
know he'll be faithful to me in his own
way. He wants to have many more
children with me and that's now one
of my dreams too .
Randy taught me that marijuana
doesn't really hurt anyone and he 'll
be growing it for us and we'll trade it
with our friends for all the cocaine
and ecstasy we want. In the
meantime , we 'll pray that science will
find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get
better; he sure deserves it!!
Don 't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old
now and I know how to take care of
myself . Someday I'm sure we 'll be
back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren .
Your loving daughter ,
Suzie .
At the bottom of the page were the
letters 'PTO' .
Hands still trembling, her father
turned the sheet , and read :
PS :
Dad, none of the above is true. I 'm
over at the neighbour 's house . I just
wanted to remind you that there are
worse things in life than my report
card that's in my desk center drawer .
Please sign it and call when it is safe
for me to come home.
I LOVE YOU!!  It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt...
-Mark Twain
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/12/2008 Posts: 436 Location: illobi
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It will NOT be safe for her to come back home..... wooiiii the spanking she will get.... hahaha
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/12/2008 Posts: 436 Location: illobi
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A young police officer was taking his final exam at Police Staff Training College in Kiganjo. Here is one of the questions:You are on patrol in the outskirts of Nairobi when an explosion occurs in a nearby township. On investigation you find a large hole has been blown in the footpath and there is an overturned van lying nearby. Inside the van there is a strong smell of alcohol. Both occupants - a man and woman - are injured. You recognise the woman as the wife of your Divisional Inspector, who is at present away on a peace making mission. A passing motorist stops to offer you assistance and you realise that he is a man who is wanted for armed robbery. Suddenly a man runs out of a nearby house, shouting that his wife is expecting a baby and that the shock of the explosion has made the birth imminent. Another man is crying for help, having been blown into an adjacent dam by the explosion, and he cannot swim. Describe in a few words what action you would take. The officer thought for a moment, picked up his pen, and wrote: ‘ I would take off my uniform and mingle with the crowd'
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
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Rank: Member Joined: 12/18/2009 Posts: 316 Location: nairobi
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bkismat wrote:2 Miles wrote:A father passing by his teenage
daughter ' s bedroom was astonished
to see the bed was nicely made and
everything was neat and tidy . Then he
saw an envelope propped up
prominently on the center of the
pillow. It was addressed 'Dad'. With
the worst premonition, he opened the
envelope and read the letter with
trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that
I 'm writing you, but I 'm leaving home .
I had to elope with my new boyfriend
Randy because I wanted to avoid a
scene with Mom and you. I 've been
finding real passion with Randy and
he is so nice to me. I know when you
meet him you'll like him too - even
with all his piercing , tattoos , and
motorcycle clothes. But it 's not only
the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and
Randy said that he wants me to have
the kid and that we can be very happy
together . Even though Randy is much
older than me ( anyway, 42 isn't so old
these days is it?) , and has no money ,
really these things shouldn't stand in
the way of our relationship , don 't you
agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he
already owns a trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood . It 's true
he has other girlfriends as well but I
know he'll be faithful to me in his own
way. He wants to have many more
children with me and that's now one
of my dreams too .
Randy taught me that marijuana
doesn't really hurt anyone and he 'll
be growing it for us and we'll trade it
with our friends for all the cocaine
and ecstasy we want. In the
meantime , we 'll pray that science will
find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get
better; he sure deserves it!!
Don 't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old
now and I know how to take care of
myself . Someday I'm sure we 'll be
back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren .
Your loving daughter ,
Suzie .
At the bottom of the page were the
letters 'PTO' .
Hands still trembling, her father
turned the sheet , and read :
PS :
Dad, none of the above is true. I 'm
over at the neighbour 's house . I just
wanted to remind you that there are
worse things in life than my report
card that's in my desk center drawer .
Please sign it and call when it is safe
for me to come home.
I LOVE YOU!! This is good - but for a parent you first get a cold sweat before you get to the end of the letter. God loves a Trier!
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/12/2008 Posts: 436 Location: illobi
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A naked and drunken woman boards a cab in London one night. The Indian driver keeps staring and does not start the cab. Woman: Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before??? Indian Driver: I am not staring at you lady..... just wondering where you kept money to pay me! Moral:That is what most of the American and European banks failed to do (i.e) Assessing repayment capacity before taking in the exposure!!
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/26/2010 Posts: 125
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CUT IT OFF
Mr Khatendesi comes home one night, and his wife Shitienyi throws her arms around his neck: “Darling I am a month overdue. I think we are going to have a baby!”
“wow! That is great dear” says the man.
The doc gave me a test today .,…..” but until we found out for sure, we cant tell anybody ,”
The husband promises not to tell anyone.
The next day, a guy from Kenya power and lighting comes , checks on the electrcity meter and asks to see the boss of the home because they had not paid their previous monthly bill.
“Are u Mrs khatendesi?”
“Yes.”
“You are a month overdue, do you know that?”</span>
“How do you know ?” stammers the
young woman.
“Well, madam , its in our files!”
says the stima man .
“What! in your files!”
“Absolutely,”confirms the stima man.
“Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight,” That night she accuses her hubby of telling the K P L C people about her pregnancy when they had agreed to hold it till the tests return.
The man vehemently pleads his innocence . The next day, he rushes, mad as a bull, to the stima plaza offices and shouts to the man he was shown to help him ,
“Whats going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?” he shouts.
“Just calm down , says the official its nothing serious, All you have to do is to pay us. ”
“Pay you? Why? it is mine = my own!”
“Yes it is yours but you have to pay.”
” And if I refuse?”
”Well, in that case , sir we will have no option but to cut it off.”
“CUT IT OFF? Was that a crime? And what will my wife do then?” Khatendesi asks.
“Idont know . I guess she will have to start using a CANDLE ”
Khatendesi fainted.!
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/24/2009 Posts: 130
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@ 2 Miles, that joke is crazy cant help lol.
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/23/2010 Posts: 182 Location: Kenya
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Latest news on Egypt:
نيست سايه پيدا نيست نور اگر رفت سايه سايه پيدا نيست پيدا نيست نور اگر سايه پيدا رفت سايه پيدا نيست نور اگر رفت نيست پيدا نيست سايه پيدا نيست نور اگر رفت سايه سايه پيدا نيست پيدا نيست نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نور * *
*Kwanza I nearly cried in the part where they said*: سايه پيدا نيست نور اگر رفت سايه سايه پيدا نيست پيدا نيست.
I’ll keep you updated
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