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HIV - How to prepare someone for possible bad news
Rank: Elder Joined: 12/11/2008 Posts: 2,306
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Wazurians, We have just found out that the man a close friend has been dating is HIV positive. Our friend is a young girl in college and she is clueless about the status of her lover. She has been sickly for the last couple of months, been treated for TB, and is generally in ill health to the point that she only attends college intermittently. We have no idea how to break the potentially bad news and get her to visit a VCT centre for testing and assistance. This is quite a minefield for us. How would you guys advise we approach the issue? We pray she turns out well, but if not, that she will find the guts to face the situation, and live for her child - she has a three year old kid. Thanks Great men are not always wise, neither do the aged understand judgement...
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/27/2008 Posts: 3,760
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Why is it bad news? It is a chronic manageable disease, and there is a lot of support for it. Of course she will be shocked, but once she overcomes that, she will adjust to living positively, for herself and her kid.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/11/2008 Posts: 2,306
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@GG, how in the world can the news that you have a chronic illness (any) be good news? Great men are not always wise, neither do the aged understand judgement...
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/27/2008 Posts: 3,760
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You have left out the keyword - MANAGEABLE
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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Gordon Gekko wrote:You have left out the keyword - MANAGEABLE Doesn't matter how many words you put to describe it, lets just admit that the first time, you are bound to be shocked..... @Robbin, May be you could start by just talking about the whole issue of how people are living positively and there is nothing to worry about as long has yo have supporting friends and family in one of your casual outings. then hear her views. that way, you will gauge how bad things would get when she gets to know.... may be she already knows and is not able to tell you guys.... just maybe she thinks yo wouldnt accept her anymore.....
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Rank: Elder Joined: 9/7/2010 Posts: 2,148 Location: elderville
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@Robinhood sorry for your friend. Whether manageable or not being on constant ARV with at times adverse effects is never good news though not the end of the world. Unless you are really sure about how she would handle it I would recommend somehow getting her to someone trained to handle such situations. A VCT wont be a bad place to start. He who can express in words the ardour of his love, has but little love to express. - Petrach, Son. (That men by various ways arrive at the same end. - Montaigne, The Essays of.)
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 6,592 Location: Nairobi
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They treat her for TB without checking her status? You never get treated for TB in Africa without an AIDS test. Maybe she already knows but is in denial.
BBI will solve it :)
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/13/2010 Posts: 869 Location: Nairobi
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It is bad news alright. But you as her friends owe it to stand by her AFTER she learns of her diagnosis. As to the how, i suggest you all go for VCT and do the tests (in solidality) after Wendz's talk. At a good VCT she will get a trained counsellor who will be best placed to deal with passing on the information. If not a VCT, go to a good counsellor. All in all, just be honest with her and tell her what you know and how you got to know.. Please stand by her. She will need you more after knowing her diagnosis. I have two HIV positive friends who are doing very well on ARV's but there are still moments that are very challenging. I cant say i do much, i mainly just give an ear.. and they are some of the strongest people i know. I suspect she knows her diagnosis (having been treated for TB) and needs support. Be hers. ....above all, to stand.
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 2/16/2010 Posts: 92 Location: Nairobi
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Such News might be shocking but if well counselled, this will cushion someone for a while after the initial shock no matter the result. After that it's all about positive living through various ways and means. Entrepreneurship is a cognitive bias. They can’t teach it to you.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/11/2008 Posts: 2,306
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Hi all, Thanks for the comments. @Wendz, good suggestion, I will get someone to have an exploratory talk with her to gauge her attitude towards testing and all. @2012 and Ms, I seriously hadn't thought about this angle. She probably knows and fear of stigma/not knowing how people/family will take it... The plan based on the suggestions I have so far is to get mutual friend to have an initial chat with her about HIV just to gauge her attitude, thereafter depending on her response my wife and a friend will discuss the real issue with her, after which we will arrange a joint visit to a VCT or to a counselling professional. Anyone with a different approach please feel free to contribute. Great men are not always wise, neither do the aged understand judgement...
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/13/2010 Posts: 869 Location: Nairobi
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@Robinhood, how did this go? ....above all, to stand.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/7/2007 Posts: 2,182
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2012 wrote:They treat her for TB without checking her status? You never get treated for TB in Africa without an AIDS test. Maybe she already knows but is in denial. i also thought so too, that girl is playing the guys around her and it seems they are singing quite well LOVE WHAT YOU DO, DO WHAT YOU LOVE.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 9/23/2009 Posts: 8,083 Location: Enk are Nyirobi
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@robinhood what are the chances really that you all know that your friend is positive, yet she does not know? Since when do you know someone's health status without them knowing? Please ask for relevant advice on wazua. Life is short. Live passionately.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 9/7/2010 Posts: 2,148 Location: elderville
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sparkly wrote:@robinhood what are the chances really that you all know that your friend is positive, yet she does not know? Since when do you know someone's health status without them knowing? Please ask for relevant advice on wazua.  He who can express in words the ardour of his love, has but little love to express. - Petrach, Son. (That men by various ways arrive at the same end. - Montaigne, The Essays of.)
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/22/2011 Posts: 193 Location: nairobi
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Talking about VCT's which are some of the proffessional VCT Centres in Nairobi you would recommend?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 9/7/2010 Posts: 2,148 Location: elderville
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Querry wrote:Talking about VCT's which are some of the proffessional VCT Centres in Nairobi you would recommend? Liverpool VCT is one. He who can express in words the ardour of his love, has but little love to express. - Petrach, Son. (That men by various ways arrive at the same end. - Montaigne, The Essays of.)
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/25/2010 Posts: 415
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All the advice given above is good..but you must let her know her guy's situation and have her get tested,assuming she doesn't already know. I would imagine that the longer she stays ignorant of the situation, the more difficult it would be to treat her, thus making her situation more desperate.This way she gets the proper diagnosis and correct treatment. But above all, stand by her regardless of the outcome as true friends. It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.
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HIV - How to prepare someone for possible bad news
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