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HIV - How to prepare someone for possible bad news
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Robinhood
#1 Posted : Tuesday, January 18, 2011 8:41:34 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 12/11/2008
Posts: 2,306
Wazurians,

We have just found out that the man a close friend has been dating is HIV positive. Our friend is a young girl in college and she is clueless about the status of her lover. She has been sickly for the last couple of months, been treated for TB, and is generally in ill health to the point that she only attends college intermittently. We have no idea how to break the potentially bad news and get her to visit a VCT centre for testing and assistance. This is quite a minefield for us. How would you guys advise we approach the issue?

We pray she turns out well, but if not, that she will find the guts to face the situation, and live for her child - she has a three year old kid.

Thanks
Great men are not always wise, neither do the aged understand judgement...
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Gordon Gekko
#2 Posted : Tuesday, January 18, 2011 8:54:00 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 5/27/2008
Posts: 3,760
Why is it bad news? It is a chronic manageable disease, and there is a lot of support for it. Of course she will be shocked, but once she overcomes that, she will adjust to living positively, for herself and her kid.
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Robinhood
#3 Posted : Tuesday, January 18, 2011 9:12:28 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 12/11/2008
Posts: 2,306
@GG, how in the world can the news that you have a chronic illness (any) be good news?
Great men are not always wise, neither do the aged understand judgement...
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Gordon Gekko
#4 Posted : Tuesday, January 18, 2011 9:15:54 AM
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Joined: 5/27/2008
Posts: 3,760
You have left out the keyword - MANAGEABLE
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Wendz
#5 Posted : Tuesday, January 18, 2011 9:44:25 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/19/2008
Posts: 4,268
Gordon Gekko wrote:
You have left out the keyword - MANAGEABLE


Doesn't matter how many words you put to describe it, lets just admit that the first time, you are bound to be shocked.....

@Robbin,

May be you could start by just talking about the whole issue of how people are living positively and there is nothing to worry about as long has yo have supporting friends and family in one of your casual outings. then hear her views. that way, you will gauge how bad things would get when she gets to know.... may be she already knows and is not able to tell you guys.... just maybe she thinks yo wouldnt accept her anymore.....
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Elder
#6 Posted : Tuesday, January 18, 2011 10:12:10 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 9/7/2010
Posts: 2,148
Location: elderville
@Robinhood sorry for your friend. Whether manageable or not being on constant ARV with at times adverse effects is never good news though not the end of the world. Unless you are really sure about how she would handle it I would recommend somehow getting her to someone trained to handle such situations. A VCT wont be a bad place to start.
He who can express in words the ardour of his love, has but little love to express. - Petrach, Son. (That men by various ways arrive at the same end. - Montaigne, The Essays of.)
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2012
#7 Posted : Tuesday, January 18, 2011 10:23:58 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 12/9/2009
Posts: 6,592
Location: Nairobi
They treat her for TB without checking her status? You never get treated for TB in Africa without an AIDS test. Maybe she already knows but is in denial.

BBI will solve it :)
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Ms Mkenya
#8 Posted : Tuesday, January 18, 2011 10:41:22 AM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 5/13/2010
Posts: 869
Location: Nairobi
It is bad news alright.

But you as her friends owe it to stand by her AFTER she learns of her diagnosis.

As to the how, i suggest you all go for VCT and do the tests (in solidality) after Wendz's talk. At a good VCT she will get a trained counsellor who will be best placed to deal with passing on the information. If not a VCT, go to a good counsellor. All in all, just be honest with her and tell her what you know and how you got to know..

Please stand by her. She will need you more after knowing her diagnosis. I have two HIV positive friends who are doing very well on ARV's but there are still moments that are very challenging. I cant say i do much, i mainly just give an ear.. and they are some of the strongest people i know.

I suspect she knows her diagnosis (having been treated for TB) and needs support. Be hers.
....above all, to stand.
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manuPK
#9 Posted : Tuesday, January 18, 2011 10:55:15 AM
Rank: New-farer

Joined: 2/16/2010
Posts: 92
Location: Nairobi
Such News might be shocking but if well counselled, this will cushion someone for a while after the initial shock no matter the result. After that it's all about positive living through various ways and means.
Entrepreneurship is a cognitive bias. They can’t teach it to you.
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Robinhood
#10 Posted : Tuesday, January 18, 2011 12:21:40 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 12/11/2008
Posts: 2,306
Hi all,

Thanks for the comments. @Wendz, good suggestion, I will get someone to have an exploratory talk with her to gauge her attitude towards testing and all.

@2012 and Ms, I seriously hadn't thought about this angle. She probably knows and fear of stigma/not knowing how people/family will take it...

The plan based on the suggestions I have so far is to get mutual friend to have an initial chat with her about HIV just to gauge her attitude, thereafter depending on her response my wife and a friend will discuss the real issue with her, after which we will arrange a joint visit to a VCT or to a counselling professional.

Anyone with a different approach please feel free to contribute.
Great men are not always wise, neither do the aged understand judgement...
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