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The mother in law influence - 911...... heeeeeelllllppppp!
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Swanky2010
#11 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 10:54:56 AM
Rank: New-farer

Joined: 10/14/2010
Posts: 53
Location: Nairobi
From personal experience, in as much as we often go to our moms for advice given that they have past experience on a situation you could be passing through now, the lady is being an idiot, sorry to say so. the lady would be wise if she suggested some of changes or issues she had, without suggesting that it was her mum's input. the approach you take to handle issues within your family determines how you will live as a family.
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Wendz
#12 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 11:00:05 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/19/2008
Posts: 4,268
kenmac wrote:
>> What is good for the gander is not necessarily good for the goose...Let the couple choose what is good for themselves.



>> Advise her to change residence first, a distance from her mum....without consultation this time.


How far apart can they move really..... the mother is in nyanza.... her family is in nairobi. Blame it on cellphone...... and sometimes kq
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Wendz
#13 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 11:02:42 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/19/2008
Posts: 4,268
Swanky2010 wrote:
From personal experience, in as much as we often go to our moms for advice given that they have past experience on a situation you could be passing through now, the lady is being an idiot, sorry to say so. the lady would be wise if she suggested some of changes or issues she had, without suggesting that it was her mum's input. the approach you take to handle issues within your family determines how you will live as a family.


Good point!

@kivairu..... thanks... will suggest that too.
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My 2 cents
#14 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 11:15:23 AM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 6/2/2010
Posts: 1,090
The marriage is between the two. MIL should get THE HELL OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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KulaRaha
#15 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 11:28:33 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 7/26/2007
Posts: 6,514
How to kill your mother in law
Business opportunities are like buses,there's always another one coming
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anasazi
#16 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 11:32:49 AM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 6/8/2007
Posts: 675
Yes, the MIL needs to stop giving all this input if she values the marriage! They need to be let to make their own mistakes and perhaps learn from them. Otherwise the man must be feeling disrespected and therefore may be losing interest in the marriage!
Form is temporary, class is permanent
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Dia
#17 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 11:39:23 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 3/30/2010
Posts: 176
Wendz, this is the same case in the movie 'Not Easily Broken'. BTW, your friend's mother isn't the problem, it's your friend who is allowing in her mother and causing a problem. Small wonder the man is sneaking around, he's married to two women already!

A man needs to know he's the head of the home and that may mean allowing him to make 'dumb' decisions. He will learn from his failures and he'll not repeat the mistake again (if he's got anything between his ears smile ). Talk to any couple happily married over 10 years and you'll find the wife has been stroking the man's ego in one way or the other over the years.

It's better to have a marriage where you learn together than one where a 'situation' was saved but the marriage was lost.

I'd highly recommend 'Fascinating Womanhood' (you can get a copy at the small bookshop in Emperor Plaza ground floor for about 600/-)for her.
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  | | Edit by user: Tuesday, November 16, 2010 11:44 AM | Reason: Not specified
Impunity
#18 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 11:42:00 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/2/2009
Posts: 26,331
Location: Masada
Wendz wrote:
Now, i am in a dilemma.... my best friend of many years is having issues with her husband (who is also a good friend to me too) over her mother's hand in their marriage. The lady's mother seems to have alot of say in the running of this family. Well, the guy doesnt like it but my friend is so convinced that it is for the best of their marriage. i do understand where she is coming from because some of the issues she (the mother) has 'ingiliad' (because it is not intervening so i dont have the correct english word for it and i wouldnt mind someone telling me... intruding sort of?) has been to help them. Problem is, the lady always sides with her mother in everything she proposes and keeps reporting back to her. Me thinks, the guy is feeling like he has lost control of this marriage... but thats my thinking... Now the guy seems like he is kinda sneaking around and the lady is getting frustrated and wants a break...... i know its difficult but it would be sad to see them go that route.

Now, good people, how have you guys been handling this in either your relationships or those close to you who you know had similar problems? i want to be as objective as possible and tell her the real thing as hard as it may be and may be put sense into the whole thing... am supposed to meet my friend today.... How have you been handling this mother in law thing in your families? What are the solutions.... how does this family handle these issues without breaking apart.

And i know how we are in wazua... the next post will say "that friend is you".... its all good with me as long as you let me have your objective solution.


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newfarer
#19 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 11:42:15 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/19/2010
Posts: 3,505
Location: Uganda
Wendz,
as long as you want to maintain the friendship to both , be careful on what you tell them.Mambo ya bibi na bwana ina wezwa na wao wenyewe.The more you want to advise them the more likely for them to gang against you and you will be the bad one. .Leave them alone . they know where they met , they know what they want on their marriage(make or break it).
If the wife wants to listen to Mum too much nothing will change her.
punda amecheka
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kingfisher
#20 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 11:44:45 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 4/9/2008
Posts: 2,824
1) Huyo MIL akwende kwa bwana wake, hiyo ni nyumba ya watu wengine. Ask your friend to her her mother to stay away.
2) Huyo bwana should avoid the MIL and anything to do with her kabisaaaa....she will know that her constant advice and presence is not wanted at all and start behaving. Hata "ninakuja kusalamia wajukuu weekend" should be discouraged absolutely!!!
3) Huyo bwana should (and must) not implement anything coming from her wife for now (untill 2 above is achieved) coz probably it will be MILs idea.

That, brothers and sisters is the only language MILs understand, irrespective of which side the MIL comes from. I know coz I have experienced it work twice with two of my closest friends so successfully. And today those MILs respect them very much. Anything else is half business!!
When I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it find a way into my heart.
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