Now, i am in a dilemma.... my best friend of many years is having issues with her husband (who is also a good friend to me too) over her mother's hand in their marriage. The lady's mother seems to have alot of say in the running of this family. Well, the guy doesnt like it but my friend is so convinced that it is for the best of their marriage. i do understand where she is coming from because some of the issues she (the mother) has 'ingiliad' (because it is not intervening so i dont have the correct english word for it and i wouldnt mind someone telling me... intruding sort of?) has been to help them. Problem is, the lady always sides with her mother in everything she proposes and keeps reporting back to her. Me thinks, the guy is feeling like he has lost control of this marriage... but thats my thinking... Now the guy seems like he is kinda sneaking around and the lady is getting frustrated and wants a break...... i know its difficult but it would be sad to see them go that route.

Now, good people, how have you guys been handling this in either your relationships or those close to you who you know had similar problems? i want to be as objective as possible and tell her the real thing as hard as it may be and may be put sense into the whole thing... am supposed to meet my friend today.... How have you been handling this mother in law thing in your families? What are the solutions.... how does this family handle these issues without breaking apart.

And i know how we are in wazua... the next post will say "that friend is you".... its all good with me as long as you let me have your objective solution.

hahahahahahaa.... guka... i swear am so serious.... hii maneno imekuwa mlima seriously...
i would love to tell her that very thing(at the risk of being told i am siding with the husband) but you know has to be abit diplomatic and also need to know how others handled it realistically and what they can possibly try....

MILs destroy marriages...yet the behave very differently in their own.

The MIL should take a back seat...my personal preference is to throw her out of the car!

@njung'e.... yes. there is a problem on that front already....

@kularaha... very true. i bet i will have to figure out how to tell her her mother has to keep off her marriage!

>> What is good for the gander is not necessarily good for the goose...Let the couple choose what is good for themselves.



>> Advise her to change residence first, a distance from her mum....without consultation this time.

From personal experience, in as much as we often go to our moms for advice given that they have past experience on a situation you could be passing through now, the lady is being an idiot, sorry to say so. the lady would be wise if she suggested some of changes or issues she had, without suggesting that it was her mum's input. the approach you take to handle issues within your family determines how you will live as a family.

Good point!

@kivairu..... thanks... will suggest that too.

Wendz, this is the same case in the movie 'Not Easily Broken'. BTW, your friend's mother isn't the problem, it's your friend who is allowing in her mother and causing a problem. Small wonder the man is sneaking around, he's married to two women already!

A man needs to know he's the head of the home and that may mean allowing him to make 'dumb' decisions. He will learn from his failures and he'll not repeat the mistake again (if he's got anything between his ears ). Talk to any couple happily married over 10 years and you'll find the wife has been stroking the man's ego in one way or the other over the years.

It's better to have a marriage where you learn together than one where a 'situation' was saved but the marriage was lost.

I'd highly recommend 'Fascinating Womanhood' (you can get a copy at the small bookshop in Emperor Plaza ground floor for about 600/-)for her.

Wendz,
as long as you want to maintain the friendship to both , be careful on what you tell them.Mambo ya bibi na bwana ina wezwa na wao wenyewe.The more you want to advise them the more likely for them to gang against you and you will be the bad one. .Leave them alone . they know where they met , they know what they want on their marriage(make or break it).
If the wife wants to listen to Mum too much nothing will change her.