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The mother in law influence - 911...... heeeeeelllllppppp!
Wendz
#1 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 10:19:38 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/19/2008
Posts: 4,268
Now, i am in a dilemma.... my best friend of many years is having issues with her husband (who is also a good friend to me too) over her mother's hand in their marriage. The lady's mother seems to have alot of say in the running of this family. Well, the guy doesnt like it but my friend is so convinced that it is for the best of their marriage. i do understand where she is coming from because some of the issues she (the mother) has 'ingiliad' (because it is not intervening so i dont have the correct english word for it and i wouldnt mind someone telling me... intruding sort of?) has been to help them. Problem is, the lady always sides with her mother in everything she proposes and keeps reporting back to her. Me thinks, the guy is feeling like he has lost control of this marriage... but thats my thinking... Now the guy seems like he is kinda sneaking around and the lady is getting frustrated and wants a break...... i know its difficult but it would be sad to see them go that route.

Now, good people, how have you guys been handling this in either your relationships or those close to you who you know had similar problems? i want to be as objective as possible and tell her the real thing as hard as it may be and may be put sense into the whole thing... am supposed to meet my friend today.... How have you been handling this mother in law thing in your families? What are the solutions.... how does this family handle these issues without breaking apart.

And i know how we are in wazua... the next post will say "that friend is you".... its all good with me as long as you let me have your objective solution.
Njung'e
#2 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 10:29:35 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 2/7/2007
Posts: 11,935
Location: Nairobi
The lady has no brain of herself?.....If i were the guy i would kick out the jinga lady and marry the mother.
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
Wendz
#3 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 10:35:12 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/19/2008
Posts: 4,268
Njung'e wrote:
The lady has no brain of herself?.....If i were the guy i would kick out the jinga lady and marry the mother.


hahahahahahaa.... guka... i swear am so serious.... hii maneno imekuwa mlima seriously...
i would love to tell her that very thing(at the risk of being told i am siding with the husband) but you know has to be abit diplomatic and also need to know how others handled it realistically and what they can possibly try....
Njung'e
#4 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 10:37:50 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 2/7/2007
Posts: 11,935
Location: Nairobi
You might not get the chance to do it your way.You just said the guy is "sneaking" around.Tell you what,dude is looking for an exit and he will soon bolt.....What man likes being lorded over?
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
KulaRaha
#5 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 10:38:23 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 7/26/2007
Posts: 6,514
MILs destroy marriages...yet the behave very differently in their own.

The MIL should take a back seat...my personal preference is to throw her out of the car!
Business opportunities are like buses,there's always another one coming
YesuWangu
#6 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 10:40:58 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 8/11/2010
Posts: 1,588
Wendz wrote:
Now, i am in a dilemma.... my best friend of many years is having issues with her husband (who is also a good friend to me too) over her mother's hand in their marriage. The lady's mother seems to have alot of say in the running of this family. Well, the guy doesnt like it but my friend is so convinced that it is for the best of their marriage. i do understand where she is coming from because some of the issues she (the mother) has 'ingiliad' (because it is not intervening so i dont have the correct english word for it and i wouldnt mind someone telling me... intruding sort of?) has been to help them. Problem is, the lady always sides with her mother in everything she proposes and keeps reporting back to her. Me thinks, the guy is feeling like he has lost control of this marriage... but thats my thinking... Now the guy seems like he is kinda sneaking around and the lady is getting frustrated and wants a break...... i know its difficult but it would be sad to see them go that route.

Now, good people, how have you guys been handling this in either your relationships or those close to you who you know had similar problems? i want to be as objective as possible and tell her the real thing as hard as it may be and may be put sense into the whole thing... am supposed to meet my friend today.... How have you been handling this mother in law thing in your families? What are the solutions.... how does this family handle these issues without breaking apart.

And i know how we are in wazua... the next post will say "that friend is you".... its all good with me as long as you let me have your objective solution.


The tragedy is that we all know what we need to do but once or twice or countless times we do not do it. I am sure your friends know the hazards of third parties having a say and hand in their marriage, yet one of them still goes ahead and does it!

Now is the time for tough love. Tell your friend if she has seen her mom still going to her mom (the grandma) for assistance......

Just because something was good and sweet yesterday does not necessarily mean it will be so indefinitely.

Upus!
Wendz
#7 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 10:42:24 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/19/2008
Posts: 4,268
@njung'e.... yes. there is a problem on that front already....

@kularaha... very true. i bet i will have to figure out how to tell her her mother has to keep off her marriage!
KulaRaha
#8 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 10:52:20 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 7/26/2007
Posts: 6,514
Wendz wrote:
@njung'e.... yes. there is a problem on that front already....

@kularaha... very true. i bet i will have to figure out how to tell her her mother has to keep off her marriage!


Its that easy, dump the MIL and watch harmony and balance return...
Business opportunities are like buses,there's always another one coming
kenmac
#9 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 10:53:04 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 5/26/2009
Posts: 1,793
>> What is good for the gander is not necessarily good for the goose...Let the couple choose what is good for themselves.



>> Advise her to change residence first, a distance from her mum....without consultation this time.
......Ecclesiastes
kivairu
#10 Posted : Tuesday, November 16, 2010 10:54:47 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 3/5/2008
Posts: 532
Location: Nairobi
Wendy, as the couple's friend, u dont have much options.Best way , send them to a professional marriage counsellor.my 2zim dollar cents!

Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value. –Albert Einstein.
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