This thing of sitting on the bed with a wife and comparing payslips, combining them and then doing i donno budgets, sijui "we handle finances together" e.t.c is a recipe for disaster. Your woman should just know you can provide for her full stop. Do not imagine you are very clever and go against this rule to expose your finances to your lady,let them remain a complicated mystery to her as much as possible, there my be exceptions to the rule but you are better off working with the rules OR YOU LOOSE CONTROL OF YOUR FINANCES. Write a will if you are afraid of dying and your properties getting lost e.t.c

@Muchknow, true that remember the unwritten rule, "Zako ni zenyu, na zake ni zake". The thing with women, atleast most of them, WANT what their don't necessary need; and as long as is not their chumz that is being used then y give a hoot, otheryz how would u xplain izo viatu, nguo, & accessories zimejaa kwa wardrobe yake na zile mingi ata havaangi?

@Bettertry
I agree with you on "zako ni zenyu na zake ni zake - (if this was acquired before we got married)".... My mom still calls some old wreck of a cupboard that has to be supported by a stone or wood "mine" coz she bought before she got married - that doesnt mean she doesnt put my father's food in it....

check any lady who is working and not married. She will use her money on all those things. ladies always buy shoes, clothes, handbags(even when they survive with one all year round) and still claim they do not have shoes and clothes to wear. Its our nature - married or not. Very very veeeery few will use their husbands money to do such kind of a shopping..... infact, many times we ladies buy and hang around with some of these things in our cars or offices before sneaking them home coz you know if hubby sees another outfit (same day you complained you were broke and which you took on credit) will definitely hit the roof. Show me one woman who wears all the clothes in her closet and i will show you a Semenya or a Mother Teresa.

The problem with most men is that they confuse womens complaining with the need for them to do something. You think, she is complaining about shoes so if I buy the shoes she will shut up. You basically want to shut up her complains and hopefully open get her to praise you. If this is your mentality you will forever be doing everything to please your woman and she will never be satisfied. I came to a very unusual realization sometime back about the difference between how women and men think. When a man tells you his problems what he wants from you is a solution, when a woman tells you her problems many times what she wants is to talk about it, NOT NECESSARILY a solution.

So when Newfarers woman says she needs this and that, Newfarer rushes to buy or give her the money. Once that is bought she wants something else and the cycle continues and neither she nor Newfarer is happier for it.

Another strategy of dealing with this might be to talk about what she wants. If it is shoes, talk about the shoes, what colour, how she would match them with what clothes for what occasion. You can even go to the store and she tries them out. At the end you can say how nice they look on her and they would really be nice but you do not have the money right now to get them. You might be surprised that she will probably be happier than if you had just given the money to buy them.

....i agree with all who say that the man's income should be top secret (this is however against what the pastors tell the about-to-wed couples who are advised to be 100% transparent about finances).

....for some men, the issue is not 'excessive' expenditure by mama watoto but rather the need to have certain expenses that cannot have an audit trail....phombe na mipango ya side......