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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/13/2009 Posts: 1,950 Location: in kenya
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c& P An armless man in a long jacket walks into a bathroom and stands by a urinal... Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a closeby man, " Can you help me point my penis" ? The man reluctantly accepted but, decided not to look at the mans penis. After a few seconds of holding it he thinks, " Hey! I'm grabbing it right"? " So I should look, I have a right"! He looks down at the mans member and sees that is beyond hidious. Startled he jumps back and lets go, asking. " What the hell is wrong with it ?" The "armless" man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says "I dunno, but, I ain't touchin' it." and walks away. '......to the acknowledgment of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ; 3 In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.' Colossians 2:2-3
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 8/19/2010 Posts: 23
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Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Kenya and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.
A little old Kikuyu man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a Jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord !".
Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild.
The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord". A bit annoyed by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.
The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord". Really angry now that this guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smartypants. You get up here and do it!"
The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing .....
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" A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 1/7/2010 Posts: 68 Location: kenya
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Weight Loss ( C&P)
A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"
He lost 63 pounds that week.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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blackcobra wrote:Weight Loss ( C&P)
A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"
He lost 63 pounds that week. I have this joke in picture form...very funny!!, i wish someone could tell me how they attach pictures in wazua
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 9/15/2010 Posts: 8 Location: Nairobi
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Judge:And when did you realise you had been raped? Prostitute:When the cheque bounced. "Success is like pregnancy; people will congratulate you for getting it but won't know how many times you were screwed before getting it."
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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Rank: Elder Joined: 4/9/2008 Posts: 2,824
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Hilarious http://www.mediafire.com.../Ma___Pa_Kettle_Math.wmvWhen I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it find a way into my heart.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 6,592 Location: Nairobi
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Tajiri kanunua mbuzi! Akamwambia mpishi, "nyama nusu ipike pilau na nyingine itie kwenye friza! "Kichwa fanya supu na miguu fanya mchuzi chukuchuku! "Ngozi usitupe tutafanya mswala, utumbo pika na ndizi na mifupa tutawauzia wenye mbwa!" Mpishi akamuliza: "Hutaki na sauti ya mbuzi tufanye ring tone kwenye simu yako?"
BBI will solve it :)
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/8/2008 Posts: 71
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How true this is....  "Safaricom is the annoying wife you'll never leave, Zain is the comforting clande you keep running to, Yu is the enticing secretary you always think of hitting on and Orange is the sugar mummy that gives and gets..." Don't let urgent deflect you from the important
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/5/2010 Posts: 273 Location: NBI
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