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Help!! Woman in a fix.
MaichBlack
#11 Posted : Thursday, September 02, 2010 7:32:07 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 7/22/2009
Posts: 7,910
The family unit should never be separated unless there is absolutely no other option. For example, if you get a very lucrative contract/job somewhere in North Eastern and you have school going kids, obviously there is no way you can relocate with the family. Or your wife is working or studying. The other situation is when finances are a problem and it is obvious that it will be ABSOLUTELY impossible to sustain the family in Nairobi [Or whichever town]. But two things MUST hold:

1) It must be a family decision. The hubby and wifey MUST sit down, analyze their situation, look at the different options they have then agree on one. As @msoto said your wife and children are not livestock.
2) The arrangement must be TEMPORARY. As I said earlier, the family needs to be together. Anything that separates the family unit must be temporary. Where possible there should even be a time frame.

@Noble - Tell your pal to respect his wife. The other things will just follow automatically. How would he feel if his wife [assuming she was the one running a business] decided to ship him and the kids to her Shagz? With absolutely no notice or consultation! Before you do anything to your wife - or anyone else for that matter - ask yourself how you would feel if the roles were reversed. That always works wonders.
Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.
msotoville
#12 Posted : Friday, September 03, 2010 1:01:34 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 4/14/2010
Posts: 183
Location: Nairobi
Noble wrote:
@Maichblack/Msotoville
Yea. abit of financial crisis but the couple has lived in an average estate with ease. The two agreed to move to a less expensive house and already identified one.


Dude,
Kwani how badly off is your buddy?

A coupla years back, I fell on some pretty hard times. After deliberations with wifey and the tots, we moved back to wifey's old neighbourhood (Kayole). We got a fairly decent two-room hovel for a song in an area known as Kona Mbaya.

Weekends turned out to be board game affairs (we had to get rid of most of the electrical goodies to raise chums) - sometimes we'd play monopoly into the wee hours as we listened to walevi's being nyongwa'd below our balcony.

Bottom line? Your pal should understand that he's married to his wife not his mum. He should also discover that those low points usually bind a family together - my two kiddos still fondly reminisce about Kayole. We were in a shitty house in a crappy neighbourhood - the most important thing is WE WERE TOGETHER!

He is the head of the house - tell the putz to realign his priorities and get his friggin' act together! Nkt!
So nice that its nasty, so bangin' its busting,
So slick that its sick, so dope its disgusting!
Wendz
#13 Posted : Friday, September 03, 2010 10:08:02 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/19/2008
Posts: 4,268

Now that's what you call a mother-in-law fresh from hell! Can you tell your friend to let his wife run her family.... How good would he feel if his father in-law came and decided how his family is ran? sometimes we do not look at the other side of the coin..... I mean, even the wife has parents who can also come and impose on what happens in that family - so is that how he wants to run his family? the dude should discuss with the wife and see how the wife can also be productive and hence chip in to the family's income basket... she can even start selling some mtumba blouses or mbogas... if she makes 50 bob a day, that is enough for dinner you know. and they can work together... he should stop looking at his family as a liability but rather as a complement in facing the life's obstacles which need to be faced together.

And by the way, i hope we are also learning from this so that we let our children be when they come of age and restrain from running their families like our kitchens.....
Abunuasi
#14 Posted : Friday, September 03, 2010 10:12:55 AM
Rank: New-farer

Joined: 8/25/2010
Posts: 97
Location: Kenya
Key factor to note in mariage is that it comprises of two descision makers and the minute a third party come around, its a red signal in traffic light. I have noted that mariages fail because of communication breakdown between the two parties.
In this case, the gent should engange the wife in a thorough discussion and the two should consinder the pro and cons for staying in Nai or moving upcountry.
Worth noting as a best couple is that sikio la kufa alisikii dawa. If the dude is determined and has planned and purposed, there is little yu can do.
Remember also, wawili wakipendana, waache!
Dont be over concerned. Let them know your stand and help where you can but dont try to overhelp. You will land in hot soup and you may spoil your mariage tyring to save your friends. I had almost a similar experience.
A close buddy had a abusive wife (Physical and verbal abuses). He was stressed much to ulcers extent. He coulnt tell me coz of embarasment but somehow came to know.
As a member of elders council, its an abomination for a woman to beat a man. I gave some piece of advice to my friend. One was, fight to death until you prove you are the man in the house. The dude gave a shock to the wife when she slapped him as susual. The man grabbed the leg and landed the woman on the floor. Motivated by this, the man beat the woman properly until she apologized for all the years she had beaten the man.
After some months of sanity in the family, the lady was determined to know how the man she had always beaten had changed, under the blankets enquired from the dude.
Sadly, the dude informed wife of the many advices/options i gave him in handling the issue. The wife knew i was engineering the transformation behind the man. To my life shock, she started thretening to spoil my mariage using whatsoever method at her disposal, just like i was spoiling hers. ........
Pastor M
#15 Posted : Friday, September 03, 2010 10:23:05 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 8/18/2009
Posts: 303
Wendz wrote:

And by the way, i hope we are also learning from this so that we let our children be when they come of age and restrain from running their families like our kitchens.....


Applause Applause Applause Applause

I dont why this hatred between wife and mother in law keeps on repeating itself in families from our generation to another..lets train our childrean to enable them be indepent decision makers...If your son is 27 years and above throw him out of your house so that he can go and start making his decisions..smile na kama wewe ni wazuan-mwanaume (above 27) na bado unakaa kwa mum...
Wendz
#16 Posted : Friday, September 03, 2010 10:36:25 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/19/2008
Posts: 4,268
Pastor M wrote:
...If your son is 27 years and above throw him out of your house so that he can go and start making his decisions..smile na kama wewe ni wazuan-mwanaume (above 27) na bado unakaa kwa mum...


@Pastor... 27? you must be joking! 27 you are supposed to be thinking of getting married. Kwani the dude will be bringing his galfriend to my house? No way..... You get your first job immediately after your campus at 23 and you are so out of my house!!! (and am being very lenient by to allow you to still be in my house at 23 by the way...... just to allow you get a job...
kadonye
#17 Posted : Friday, September 03, 2010 11:23:28 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 5/30/2009
Posts: 1,390
@Pastor & @wendzApplause Applause

I'm reading a book by Walter Trobisch called 'I married You'

He explains Gen 2:24'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they will become one flesh'.He breaks it down into three: leaving, cleaving and becoming one flesh

The man here has a problem with leaving his mother.As much as he doesn't live with her he still has not left her.Thus he cannot cleave (or be attached to) his wife.

Moving out early is one solution.But parents need to let their offspring leave.
What a wicked man I am!The things I want to do,I don't do.The things I don't want to do I find myself doing
kadonye
#18 Posted : Friday, September 03, 2010 11:25:15 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 5/30/2009
Posts: 1,390
@wendz, does the rule apply for girls too?
What a wicked man I am!The things I want to do,I don't do.The things I don't want to do I find myself doing
Noble
#19 Posted : Friday, September 03, 2010 11:30:25 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 8/19/2009
Posts: 173
Location: NAIROBI
The wife refused to go to the village completely. The dude left alone but minus the family belongings.

The wife runs a small business.

We hope he will be back soon.

@Wendz
I have surely learnt a lesson.
Wendz
#20 Posted : Friday, September 03, 2010 11:37:27 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/19/2008
Posts: 4,268
kadonye wrote:
@wendz, does the rule apply for girls too?


Yes it does. At that age, i was out of my parent's house, and at a far away town, on my own... and i took good care of myself and survived... why wouldnt she? It made me independent, i managed to know what to eat and what to save and what to do with my life.... You treat all your children the same - boy or gal.
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