these Nigerians are tiring me. deleting all these money emails is an everyday affair

then encash the draft...


When you run so fast to get somewhere,you miss the fun of getting there... Life is not a race,so take it slowly....

... Wasn't it in the news recently when a stupid Kenyan fool fell prey o this nonsense and flew all the way to West Africa,where he was held hostage until his family paid some ransom.... As Idd Amin would say; this is stupid completely!!!

When yu get such mail,spam it immediately. Yu shud have no time to engage conmen.

We all have been thieves at one point in our lives; only that some of us never turned professional.

I found an interesting reply somewhere....



Dear Friends

As we start another year I wanted to thank you for all the e-mails you have forwarded to me over the past year.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates and Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

And I need no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up. I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a food sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I’ll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,Uganda,Singapore and Uzbekistan .
I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

If you don’t send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 10 minutes,a large pelican with an acute case of diarrhoea will s*** on your head and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,causing you to grow a most unsightly hairy hump.

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour’s ex-mother-in- law’s second husband’s cousin’s plumber - and it was on CNN.

By the way..... did you know that a South American scientist has,after a lengthy study,discovered that people with low IQs,who don’t have enough sex,always read their emails while holding the mouse?

Don’t bother taking it off now,it’s too late.

The problem with equality is that we desire that it be with those that have more than us rather that those that have less

This happening in TZ ......



Ndugu wapendwa,

Story ifuatayo ni ya kweli maana imenitokea mimi binafsi jana tarehe 11/11/2009. Najua kwa kiasi fulani itakuwa inaninizalilisha kwa kutokuwa makini lakini naona ni vyema niwashirikishe rafiki zangu ili msije mkatapeliwa kama mimi na wengine wengi wameshatapeliwa kama vile ndugu yake Galeba,laiti Galeba angeweza kutuelezea yaliyomsibu ndugu yake labda na mimi ningeweza kuepuka utapeli huu. Kinchosikitisha matapeli wenyewe ni watu wanaotufahamu vizuri.
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Mnamo muda wa saa tano asubuhi nikiwa nyumbani (nipo likizo) nikapokea simu nisiyoifahamu kutoka kwa mtu ambaye alijitambulisha ananifahamu,na kwa jinsi alivyonitaja kwa jina na career background details zangu sikuwa na shaka kwamba hanifahamu. Mazungumzo yalikuwa kama ifuatavyo:

TAPELI: Mr. Alex Matovu habari za siku nyingi.
Mimi: Nzuri
Tapeli: Vipi bado unafanya kazi Blue Financial Services?
Mimi: Hapana,nani mwenzangu?
Tapeli: John,nilikuwa nafanya kazi Wizara ya elimu,na uliwahi kunisaidia nikapata mkopo,ila kwa sasa nipo World food programme,Kigoma kama Chief supplies officer.
Mimi: okay sasa nikusaidie nini John (ukweli nikwamba sikumkumbuka ila kwa kuwa tulikuwa tunatoa mikopo kwa wafanyakazi wa serikali,siku jiuliza sana,after all alikuwa hajasema anachotaka)

Tapeli: Sasa nina issue naomba unisikilize kwa makini,kama unavyofahamu WFP tunatoamisaada ya vyakula hivyo tuna maghala makubwa ya kuhifaadhi chakula,hivyo ili kuhakikisha vyakula haviharibiki huwa tuna weka presavative inayoitwa Damoline Liquid solution made in Sweeden,hii inapatikana MSD na kwa licensed dealers kama Mohamedi Enterprises. Kwahiyo tuli float tender mwaka jana na supplier aliyeshinda tulikubaliana anipe 10% lakini baada ya ku supply hayo madawa akanidhulumu na kunitisha kuwa iwapo nitamdai hiyo 10% angeniripoti kwa mabosi wangu. Kwa hiyo sikuwa na cha kumfanya bali kusubiri contract yake iishe alafu nimtafute supplier mwingine. Sasa ndio nikaona nikupigie ndugu yangu maana nakujua wewe hii kazi utaweza kuifanya ukizingatia unalipwa cash on delivery!

NOTE: nimeshawahi ku deal na supplies officer wengi hivyo sikuwa na doubt yeyote,bali nikaona hii is just another deal kama ambazo nimeshawahi kufanya successfully.

Mimi: Okay sasa unataka nifanye je?

Tapeli: Unachotakiwa kufanya ni kwenda MSD umuone Dr. Shija,huyu ndiye mkuu wa hapo na ndiye aliyekuwa supplier wetu wa zamani aliye ni dhulumu,sasa kwa kuwa sitaki kumpa kazi tena,wewe uende ujifanye unaulizia hiyo liquid solution,na u negotiate ujue atakuuzia shillingi ngapi. Kwahiyo nakutumia simu yake mpigie muongee akupe quotation,alafu akisha kupa bei nipigie ili nikuelekeze cha kufanya.

Basi wandugu nikampigia dr. shija,mwanzoni shija ana hesitate kuzungumza na mimi aki pretend kuwa hapendi kuongea na strangers na akataka kujua namba yake nimeipataje,sasa kwa kuwa siwezi kumwambia ukweli kuhusu aliyenipa namba yake,ikabidi na mimi niwe muongo kwa muda,nika pretend kuwa mimi ni mkulima na nahitaji hiyo presavative kwa ajili ya maghala yangu yaliyopo arusha. Basi akawa na imani na kukiri kuwa anayo stock yakutosha,na hiyo liquid inauzwa kwa pair ya chupa mbili zenye ujazo wa 1000mls,kila pair ni 1.2m. Sasa angalia nilivyoingia katika mtego,baada ya kunipa bei ni kaomba punguzo na akasema atauza kwa 1million.

Nikafanya kama nilivyoelekezwa na John wa WFP kuwa baada ya kupata bei nimjulishe nilivyomjulisha akasema kinachofuata ni kuwa mimi nitauza kwa USD. 1700,na tofauti kwa maana ya faida tutagawana,hivyo nisubiri aniunganishe kwa bosi wake for further final details.

Basi wandugu kama mnavyonijua katika issue za fwedha,nikachukua calculator ya simu ili nijue deal ina shillingi ngapi,hela zilivyokuwa nyingi hata calculator iligoma,maana WFP wanahitaji 50 pairs @ usd 1700,mimi nanunua kila pair kwa 1million ambayo ni kama usd 770 hivyo difference usd 930 x 50 pairs = USD 46500,ALAFU tunagawana pasu pasu. Guys you can imagine what was going on in my head!

Basi kweli muda si mrefu nikapigiwa simu na huyo bosi wake ambaye ni mzungu na mazungumzo yalikua kama ifuatavyo:

MZUNGU: This is Mr. Scheinder from WFP,are you the new supplier?
MIMI: YES
MZUNGU: Do you have enough stock of Damoline Liquid solution,we are looking for 50 pairs?
MIMI: Yes I have sufficeint stock
Mzungu: what is your price per pair?
Mimi:$1700
Mzungu: ahaaaaaaaa thats a very good price,do you want to be paid in dollars or TZS
MIMI: Dollar of course,you how how unstable the local currency is ( Hapo tena na mimi nataka kuonyesha kuwa ni International businessman)
Mzungu: No problem,we have enough dollars,you want to be paid cash or by cheque?
Mimi:Cash
Mzungu: Okay no problem,now listen very carefully mr. new supplier we need this liquid urgently possibly today,and since you have said you have enough
stock we are taking off this morning from Kigoma coming to Dar,please arrange for the transport to take us to Movenpick,we will pay usd. 200 for your fuel,but most importantly make sure you bring one pair of the sample with you.
Mimi: No problem at all I have been in this business for quite sometime now you can be sure everthing will be fine.

Masikini bila kujua nimeingizwa kingi,nikachukua cheque book,nikaandika cash withdraw 1million ili nikanunue sample yakwenda kuwaonyesha wateja wangu. Baada ya kutoka bank nikampigia dr. shija ili aniuzie hiyo sample,akasema kwa sasa ametoka ofisini ila sample anazo katika gari na alikuwa anaelekea Mwananyamala hosp,then Magomeni alafu Muhimbili,hivyo tukutane Magomeni hosp. Yaani jinsi nilivykuwa naendesha gari basi hata kama ni mashindano ningeweza kushinda,basi mimi mbio mpaka magomeni hosp namsubiri dr. shija. Nikampigia akasema yupo ndani hospitalini na yupo na mabosi wake asingeweza kutoka ila anamtuma kijana wake nimpe hizo fedha na yeye anipe hizo dawa,kweli ikawa hivyo kijana akaja akaingia kwenye gari nikamwambie anipe hizo sample kwanza nikazisoma ziko exactly kama WFP wanavyotaka! NIKAKABIDHI HELA 1 MILLION. Bila hata aibu yule kijana akaniomba 50,000/= nikamwambie asijali maana deal kubwa itakamilishwa saa nane.

Kwa kuwa wageni wangu walishaniambia niwaaandalie usafiri,nikampigia dreva tax wangu aje airport saa nane,nikamuuliza bei kutoka airport mpaka movenpick ni ngapi akasema 25,000 nikamwambia usijali ntakupa 50,000/=!!!!!!!!!!!!! (kumbuka mimi ntalipwa usd 200 ya usafiri).

Basi mimi mbio nikaenda airport terminal one kusubiri ndege ya WFP ili tumalize biashara,nilipofika kuulizia reception nikaambiwa hakuna kitu cha namna hiyo na mimi ni mtu wa 10 kutapeliwa,basi tena nikajirudia kimya kimya. Nikaenda kula chefs pride nikamsimulia jamaa mmoja yaliyonisibu,kabla sijamaliza akasema hata ndugu yake ametapeliwa wiki iliyopita,nikampigia Galeba akasema yeye jamaa yake alipigwa 3.5m last week.

Taarifa nilizonazo mpaka nikuwa hii ni network ya wahaya na mpaka sasa ni wahaya wengi wameishaibiwa ukilinganisha na makabila mengine.



Bother not about yesterday's mistake,try to correct it today and avoid it tomorrow.

people are gullible!!!